Fanfiction: Truth Hurts - Part I

[rachel500]

Fandom: Stargate SG1
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S3 A Hundred Days
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Jack/Team friendship.  Sam/Jack UST.  Jack/Laira.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  Written for entertainment purposes only.

 

Truth Hurts

It was crazy.

She loved Jack O’Neill, Samantha Carter thought wildly, almost panicking. She loved him, and it wasn’t the love of a team-mate, or a close friend but the scary, butterflies-in-the-pit-of-stomach in-love love of a woman for a man; the crazy type of love…

Crazy because he was still a superior officer.

Crazy because they were off-world on Edora in the middle of a rescue mission to bring the Colonel home almost four months after a meteor had buried the Edoran Stargate.

Crazy because the way he was holding hands with Laira; the way they stood together, signalled in some subtle manner that his relationship with the Edoran woman had progressed beyond mere friendship in the time he had been stuck on the planet.

Crazy.

But true.

She loved him.

The thought zig-zagged like a lightening bolt through Sam’s stunned mind as she breathlessly turned away from the sight of Jack saying goodbye to Laira. Sam tried to focus on whatever her team-mate Daniel Jackson was babbling about – something to do with the returning refugees and the future treaty – as the realisation careened around her head.

Breathe, she instructed herself harshly; just breathe.

She couldn’t be in love with Jack, Sam thought desperately; she couldn’t. She had a crush; he was an attractive man – a very attractive man. Smart although he didn’t like to let people know how smart. And funny; he always made her smile – she’d missed that during the longs months he’d been gone. She’d missed him with all his quirks and foibles; his grumpiness and quick remarks, the way he’d drop by her lab and distract her. Her heart ached; a physical pain that tightened her chest and tied her stomach into knots. God, she’d missed him.

She nodded absently at Daniel, her blue gaze on the earnest archaeologist while her attention remained rooted to the Colonel. A brief glance brought a flush to her cheeks. He was hugging Laira; one of the patented Jack O’Neill hugs Sam herself loved where he’d hold on tightly and she’d feel so…loved. Like the one he’d given her when she’d first arrived on Edora once the engineering team got the Stargate stable.

She shook her head a little. It was none of her business if Jack and Laira had become – she shied away from using the word ‘lovers’ – closer. That was a good word. He’d been alone and she knew she should be glad he’d had someone to help him through the experience; that he had found a little happiness in his situation.

Jealousy churned sickly in Sam’s stomach.

She had missed Jack but evidently, he hadn’t missed her – at least, not that way. Tears unexpectedly pricked the back of her eyes as Jack walked over to rejoin them and she ducked her head, hiding her reaction from him. She had her emotions under control enough to acquiesce with a nod to his quiet suggestion it was time to leave and began walking like an automaton behind him and Teal’c. Daniel filled the silence with chatter about the plans to help Edora rebuild as they made their way back down the path toward the Stargate, through the devastation left by the burning meteors that had scorched the ground around them.

She worked so hard to bring Jack home, Sam mused tiredly. She’d felt so guilty about leaving him behind. No-one got left behind. It was a promise they had made as a team and they had broken it. They’d had no choice; hadn’t wanted to break it; had hated doing it; had waited until the last possible moment but the outcome had been the same. They’d left him. Left him with nothing but the desolation of the grey rocks in front of her…no wonder he had turned to Laira, she thought bitterly.

The engineering team they had left by the gate were hard at work, reinforcing the structure in its resumed upright position. Captain Calloway approached them to report and Sam forced herself to listen as he explained they were still securing the Stargate. Calloway launched into a detailed description and Jack glanced over at her. She read his plea for help and the repressed impatience to get going in his brown eyes and suddenly it was as though the past months hadn’t happened and she was back to being a Major under his command; his team-mate; his friend.

Sam cleared her throat. ‘Captain Calloway, perhaps we can discuss the best method to move the Stargate to a better location another time.’ She wondered at her ability to speak; to form a coherent sentence.

Calloway halted with a chagrined smile. ‘Sorry, ma’am; sir.’ He looked apologetically at Jack. ‘You’re probably anxious to get home.’

‘No problem, Captain.’ Jack smiled and patted the young man’s arm. ‘I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job.’

Calloway moved off and Jack gave Sam a grateful smile. She felt a rush of pleasure and couldn’t help smiling back.

‘Why don’t you dial us home, Carter?’ Jack prompted.

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam walked over to the newly uncovered DHD; started to press the symbols. So. It wasn’t a crush; she loved him. Maybe deep down she’d known that, she considered, her heart beat beginning to slow as she adjusted to the idea. Maybe she’d just tried telling herself differently because she wasn’t supposed to love him. He was her CO and would be again when General Hammond reinstated him to SG1…she couldn’t love him; she wasn’t allowed. There were regulations…oh God, the regs!

She would have to leave SG1…transfer to another team…she couldn’t stay on the same team, report to him if she loved him. It was against the rules. Her heartbeat sped up again with her rising panic. What the hell was she going to do? The wormhole blossomed in front of her and she stood staring unseeingly at the blue circle, frozen at the idea that her time on SG1 was over.

‘Major Carter?’

Teal’c’s anxious voice finally broke through her preoccupation and she looked over at him. ‘Hmmm?’

‘Colonel O’Neill has gone through.’ He informed her.

Daniel packed away his GDO. ‘Are you alright?’ His blue eyes scanned her worriedly.

She gave a weak smile. ‘Just tired.’

‘Well, that’s not surprising.’ Daniel remarked as he walked with her and Teal’c to the Stargate. ‘You’ve barely had any sleep during the last few months.’

‘I needed to finish the particle beam generator.’ Sam responded automatically. She’d had to work night and day to fully understand the physics, to design the machine and make the advanced technology work. Her only thought was to bring him home. She barely acknowledged the wonder of her own achievement; at succeeding at something that the rest of Earth’s scientists still considered impossible. She stepped hurriedly into the blue puddle with her team-mates and through onto the ramp in the SGC.

Sam was oblivious to the wormhole winking out of existence and the slide of the iris over the mouth of the Stargate. Her eyes were transfixed on the Colonel laughing and smiling as General Hammond welcomed him back. She had done it, Sam thought, contentment and satisfaction stealing through her; Jack O’Neill was safe and he was home.

And she loved him.

o-O-o

‘It’s good to have you back, Colonel.’ General Hammond beamed at Jack and his pale blue eyes twinkled with genuine happiness at the younger man’s safe return. ‘You were missed, son.’

‘Thank you, sir,’ Jack said lightly, ‘and may I say there’s no place like home.’ He looked around the familiar gate room and shook his silver head in disbelief. He could hardly believe he was back on Earth after the past few months on Edora. It seemed surreal.

Hammond’s attention shifted to the rest of SG1 and landed on Sam. ‘Everything alright, Major?’

Jack turned to look at the young blonde Air Force officer and belatedly acknowledged that she had probably been officially in charge of the rescue mission; he felt a wave of pride.

‘Everything’s fine, General.’ Sam replied. ‘The engineering team are continuing to make the Stargate safe.’

Hammond nodded and Jack gave a smile as the General’s attention returned to him. ‘I guess you thought you were stuck there.’

Jack tilted his head. ‘The thought had crossed my mind, General.’ He admitted. More than once, he mused, and lately, it had been his only thought as hope of an early rescue had faded and then disappeared.

‘Well, we had a couple of options. The Tollan would have been able to rescue you in about a year, the Tok’ra a little sooner, but we weren’t prepared to wait that long.’ Hammond nodded at the rest of SG1 who were standing behind the Colonel. ‘Your team in particular.’

Jack slapped Teal’c on the back of the neck fondly.

The Jaffa gazed back at him with equal affection.

‘I know I owe Teal’c a great deal, sir.’ Jack noted, his hand moving to rest on his friend’s shoulder.

Teal’c frowned a little. ‘As I mentioned, O’Neill, I would not have been able to dig through to you if Major Carter had not successfully created the particle beam generator.’

Jack looked over at the Major; he remembered Teal’c telling him about something Sam had built to melt the hardened barrier that had formed over the Edoran Stargate but internally acknowledged he hadn’t been paying much attention – he’d just been so relieved to see the big guy.

He vaguely remembered Sam had spoken about it herself before he had noticed that Laira was stood alone waiting for him. He flushed as he suddenly realised he had rudely walked away from Sam while she had still been speaking. He cleared his throat. ‘A…partition beam what?’ He teased her softly, hoping she’d hear the apology buried in the words.

‘A particle beam generator, sir.’ Sam replied briskly.

Daniel motioned, capturing his attention when Jack looked at her blankly. ‘You remember the thing that Sokar used to melt the iris?’

‘Right.’ Jack gazed back at her. He seemed to remember her saying after the whole Sokar incident that building one was a long way off. He was impressed anew at her genius. ‘You built one, huh?’

‘Well, me and a whole team of people, sir.’ Sam replied evenly, downplaying her own efforts.

He rocked back on his heels as he grinned at her. ‘Cool.’

‘Well, you should all report to the infirmary. When you’re done there, Jack, report to my office. I’m sure your debriefing will be fascinating.’ Hammond nodded at the team as he dismissed them.

Jack gave a small salute as he acknowledged the privacy Hammond was offering him by requesting he report alone. He was grateful for it; he wasn’t sure he wanted to go through the intimate details of his time on Edora with his whole team. His eyes landed on Sam again as he followed the rest of the team out of the gate room and to the infirmary.

She was as beautiful as ever, he mused resignedly, disturbed to realise that his time on Edora hadn’t altered his attraction to her despite his relationship with Laira. He had hoped in some small way that what had happened between him and Laira would have dulled the edges of it. He had been unable to hide his delight and relief at seeing Sam step through the wormhole; her bright blue eyes and her wide smile had sent him across the clearing in two big strides to hug the hell out of her. He’d missed her so much. He had only stepped away when Daniel had coughed discreetly, drawing Jack’s attention. He’d reluctantly let go of Sam and grabbed the archaeologist in a similar hug to the one he had given Sam although in a more manly, brotherly way.

He’d missed them all, Jack considered as he gazed at them fondly as they entered the elevator together. His eyes strayed back to Sam. He’d been so wrapped up in the sheer joy of being with his team again that he had completely forgotten about Laira as they had set about ushering the Edorans back to the village. His gaze dropped to the floor in remembered guilt. Standing next to Sam, as she had talked animatedly about how they had rescued him – an explanation he freely admitted he hadn’t listened to; he had just enjoyed the sound of her voice technobabbling at him again – he had been happy. Happy to be with her and the guys again; happy to be going home. He’d suddenly had the strangest sensation of being watched and when he’d looked past Sam across the clearing, he’d seen Laira looking back at him; waiting.

He shook himself as the elevator deposited them on the infirmary floor. Guilt had been the reason why he had walked away from Sam without a word of explanation, pure and simple. He cared about Laira enough to try and pretend a regret he didn’t quite truly feel at leaving; to try and keep the commitment he had tentatively made in accepting the physical relationship she had offered the night before, something they had been gradually growing towards in the previous weeks and months. He hadn’t intended it to be one night; had known she had expected a more formal bonding to follow, and in the belief he would be stuck on Edora for years before a rescue, if not for the rest of his life, he had counted himself lucky to find someone he cared about and who cared for him, who he could live out his days with comfortably.

Laira was a good woman and he definitely hadn’t intended to hurt her – she had done so much for him. But he had been relieved when she had declined his offer to return with him with a knowing look and he had admired her grace in accepting their relationship was over. He was pleased they had parted on good terms, although he guessed things would probably be a little awkward when he returned for the treaty. He gave a sigh of chagrin. In some ways perhaps it was better they had only been together together one night.

His brown eyes alighted on the small figure of Janet Fraiser and he shrugged off thoughts of Edora. ‘Doc!’ He greeted her with a huge smile.

‘Colonel.’ Janet smiled back at him and she touched his arm gently. ‘It’s good to see you again, sir.’

Jack was a little surprised when her dark eyes moved from him to Sam. He followed her gaze. Sam seemed fine to him; a little pale, a little tired but nothing to engender the concerned look in Janet’s eyes or the way Teal’c and Daniel were hovering close by the tall blonde. They’d done the same on Edora, he realised belatedly. Neither Daniel nor Teal’c had moved from Sam since she had walked through the Stargate onto Edora. He frowned.

‘If you’d like to follow me, Colonel, I’ll take you through for your tests.’ Janet said, patting his arm and regaining his attention. ‘We need to do a full work-up given your prolonged absence.’

‘Lucky me.’ He quipped. He glanced back at his team, unwilling to leave them.

‘We’ll see you after, Jack.’ Daniel reassured him quickly.

‘OK.’ Jack said slowly, ignoring the sudden feeling of being excluded as he accompanied Janet out of the infirmary room. He suffered through the MRI scan, the battery of physical tests and shots before she started on the more intimate examination.

‘Any recent sexual activity?’ Janet asked briskly.

Jack found himself blushing and he was suddenly grateful he was out of the communal area and in a private room with the doctor. ‘Ah…that would be yes.’

Janet looked up briefly from the clipboard before she made a small notation. ‘Did you use any protection?’

‘And that would be a no.’ Jack admitted shamefaced. He opened his mouth to explain Laira’s request for a baby and shut it again. ‘I…it…I was with someone I trusted.’ He said eventually. He gestured at her. ‘I was fairly sure she wasn’t infected with nanites.’ He quipped.

‘Well, the blood work will reveal any STD or anomaly.’ Janet said crisply and he was suddenly grateful for her professionalism. ‘Was there any form of birth control, do you know?’

‘I don’t think so.’ Jack sighed and rubbed a hand over his face as though it was possible to wipe away the embarrassment.

Janet nodded in understanding. ‘I assume the relationship was serious?’

‘It could have been.’ Jack said quietly. ‘If I’d stayed.’ He looked down at the floor.

‘You should mention the possibility to General Hammond, sir.’ Janet advised. ‘If there are any…consequences later, it will make it easier to…’ she hesitated, ‘it will make it easier.’ She finished awkwardly.

Jack nodded. He was so looking forward to that conversation, he mused wryly. ‘We all done here, Doc?’ He asked.

‘Not quite.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’d like you to attend a session with Doctor Mackenzie.’

Jack sighed in resigned exasperation. ‘Is that really necessary?’

‘Colonel, you’ve spent over three months away from the SGC and I’m sure the initial experience of finding yourself cut off from everything familiar on another planet with what must have seemed like little hope of rescue was traumatic.’ Janet pointed out. ‘I’m also equally sure that you will have some adjusting to do now you’re home. Doctor Mackenzie can help you come to terms with the situation.’

‘I’ll be fine.’ Jack insisted.

He could see the urge to argue flit in and out of her eyes. Janet clicked the pen off and stuffed it into her pocket. ‘OK but if…’

‘I know where you are, Doc.’

She wrapped her arms around her clipboard. ‘As far as your physical condition goes, I have to say you’re in excellent health; a little under-nourished probably due to the lack of variation in your diet but I’m sure a few good meals will sort that out. Otherwise, you’re free to go.’

Jack slipped off the bed. ‘Great.’ He picked up his Edoran jacket. ‘I guess I should change.’

‘And shower.’ Janet suggested with a teasing smile.

‘Right.’ Jack hesitated.

‘Was there something else, Colonel?’ Janet asked, slipping straight back into her medical mode as she registered the serious glint in his brown eyes.

‘I, uh,’ Jack gestured with his jacket, ‘I noticed you were concerned about Carter before. What’s going on?’

Janet’s face smoothed into an expressionless mask. ‘I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t discuss Major Carter’s medical situation with you.’

‘Why not?’ Jack demanded. ‘I’m her CO, for crying out loud!’

‘Sir, you know that I’m not obliged to share medical information if I don’t think it’s pertinent and actually, until General Hammond officially reinstates you, you’re not her CO.’ Janet gently pointed out. ‘I can’t tell you.’ She held up a hand when he made to argue. ‘I’m sure Doctor Jackson will fill you in on what happened while you were away.’

He took her hint. She couldn’t tell him but Daniel would. He nodded. ‘Thanks, Doc.’

She nodded. ‘And Colonel?’

He turned as he made to leave.

‘It really is good to have you back.’ Janet said softly. ‘Cassie’s thrilled you’re home.’

‘Me too.’ Jack smiled and spun on his heel. His progress through the SGC was quick but he noticed the changes both minor and major; the signs had changed in a couple of places; some of the walls had been repainted; the personnel in the halls were sometimes unfamiliar, sometimes not. He garnered a few looks in his hard-wearing Edoran clothes which he ignored.

He opened the door to the locker room and stared at the newly rearranged space. He made his way in slowly. More changes. The lockers had shifted; the shower tiles replaced. The mirrors gleamed brightly.

‘Hey.’

He spotted Daniel at the far side; the younger man was showered and dressed in a fresh blue BDU. The archaeologist was leaning against a locker.

Jack spread his arms wide. ‘What happened?’

‘They redecorated.’ Daniel held up a key. ‘Thought you might need this.’

Jack smiled ruefully realising his locker key was back on Edora in the vest he’d agreed for Laira to throw away. ‘Thanks.’ He took it and opened his locker with a shake of his head at the undisturbed contents. ‘I thought they might have given this to someone else.’ He spoke aloud without thinking.

‘We always knew you were coming back.’ Daniel said gently.

Jack tried to ignore the lump in his throat. He frowned as he registered the names on the lockers next to him and froze as he realised one was missing. ‘Where’s Carter’s?’ He asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

‘They built a women’s locker room.’ Daniel said matter-of-factly. ‘Down the corridor.’

‘Right.’ Jack remembered seeing the plans just before their trip to Edora. He began to strip. ‘Can you stay?’ He asked, noticing Daniel’s step towards the door.

‘Sure.’ Daniel said, nodding. He sat down on the bench. ‘I’ll wait here.’

Jack gave him a grateful smile and darted over to the showers in his worn boxers. He stripped his underwear and stepped under the warm spray of water. He sighed in satisfaction.

Showers.

He’d so missed showers. He ducked his head and reached for the shampoo, rubbing it through his hair furiously. He’d even missed shampoo, he realised with amusement. The Edorans used a soap mixture which was OK, did the job but…he’d missed his shampoo.

He took his time washing only belatedly remembering that he’d left Daniel waiting for him by the lockers. He turned the water off and reached for towels securing one around his waist before rubbing his face with another as he headed out of the showers.

‘Sorry.’ He apologised quickly. ‘It’s just…’

‘No showers on Edora.’ Daniel smiled shyly, getting to his feet and moving away from the bench to give Jack some space to change. ‘I remember.’

‘Yeah.’ Jack figured Daniel probably remembered every aspect of the Edoran culture from their brief mission before the ‘fire-rain’. He pulled on a pair of boxers and happy he was decent started to dress in a blue BDU. Maybe dressing in the same colour as his team would help him merge back in. He shivered unexpectedly as he tugged on the pants; they were a little loose. It seemed strange to be wearing a uniform again. He glanced back at Daniel. ‘So.’ He grabbed a black t-shirt and hurriedly shoved it on. ‘What’s going on with Carter?’

Daniel blinked at him and folded his arms around his torso. ‘I’m not…’

‘Daniel.’ Jack stopped him mid-sentence. ‘You and Teal’c never left her side on Edora; Fraiser looked as though she wanted to confine her to the infirmary when we got back.’ He stopped dressing and gestured at his friend. ‘What’s going on?’ He could see the internal debate playing out in the archaeologist’s blue eyes and tried to wait patiently.

Daniel pushed his glasses up finally. ‘It’s a long story.’

‘I have time.’ Jack said.

‘Aren’t you supposed to report to Hammond?’ Daniel pointed out.

Jack sighed; Daniel was right. ‘After?’

‘After.’ Daniel promised.

‘Will you tell me one thing?’ Jack asked as he shoved his feet into combat boots and tied up the laces.

Daniel’s expression softened imperceptibly. ‘She’s fine, Jack.’

Jack nodded gratefully. He stood up and gestured at the door. ‘Well, I’d guess I’d better…’

‘I’m going to join the others in the mess for some dinner and then I’ll probably be in my office.’ Daniel said quickly. ‘When you’re ready…’

‘I’ll come find you.’ Jack said.

They parted outside the locker room and Jack made his way to the General’s office slowly. The shower had revived him a little but he was beginning to feel the events of the long day; he was tired. He rapped sharply on the office door and entered at Hammond’s drawled summons. He was pleased when the older man waved him immediately into a seat.

Hammond settled back in his own comfortable leather chair. ‘So, what happened?’ He folded his hands over his paunchy stomach and looked at Jack expectantly.

Jack cleared his throat and wondered where to begin; some of his indecision must have shown because Hammond smiled sympathetically.

‘Begin at the beginning.’ He suggested.

‘The beginning, huh?’ Jack sighed. ‘Well, as you know, sir, we headed to Edora on a standard recon and mineral survey; met the locals…’ they’d met Laira and her son, he remembered. He brutally pushed the memory away. ‘Upon realising the soil was rich with naquadah, we called home and you kindly gave us permission to stay, make friends, get a trade agreement; the usual.’

Hammond smiled at Jack’s light-hearted recounting.

‘Laira,’ Jack wet his lips, ‘one of the village councillors, had mentioned that there was a yearly event beginning that night; fire-rain in the night sky. Carter wanted to see it,’ so had he; his love of astronomy prompting him into a spontaneous invitation to Sam which he’d quickly expanded to the whole team, ‘and I OK’d the team watching; Laira offered to join us and show us a good location.’

‘Which is when you discovered the problem.’ Hammond noted, inclining his balding head a little.

‘Pretty much.’ Jack admitted. He waved at the General. ‘We witnessed what Carter called a near-miss. She was concerned and so was I. She stayed on to make observations and in the morning I gave her permission to return to base so she could run everything through the base computer. Daniel went to check the geological survey in some caves. Both of them realised the planet was facing an imminent bombardment by meteors from an asteroid belt and we saw the first start to hit the atmosphere later that day.’

‘Which is why we offered to evacuate the villagers through the Stargate.’

Jack sighed heavily. ‘Some of the villagers weren’t receptive but the bombardment was bad and getting worse. I ordered the evacuation to start.’ He paused. ‘Laira realised that her son, Garan, was missing and we worked out he had probably gone to the caves. I ordered the rest of my team to the gate to assist with the evac while I accompanied Laira to recover her son; she had been good to us while we were there.’

He shifted in his chair, the memory flooding back to him; the adrenaline of the race to the caves, the zinging heat of the meteors through the air, the fires beginning to rage. Laira’s panic about her son so reminiscent of his own when he’d heard the fateful gunshot that had killed his son…a parent’s instinctive fear when their child was in danger.

‘Jack.’

Jack’s head snapped up and he registered from Hammond’s concern that he must have been zoned out for several moments. ‘Sorry.’ He rubbed a hand over his face.

‘Just take your time, son.’ Hammond said gently, leaning forward across his desk.

‘We reached the caves and found Garan there with another young villager.’ Jack recounted. ‘The meteors were coming in hot.’ He shook his head. ‘I tried to reach Carter and Teal’c on the radio but they didn’t respond, couldn’t, I guess.’

‘Major Carter noted in her report that she tried to contact you several times but without success.’ Hammond commented.

Jack nodded grimly. ‘I determined it was safer for us all to stay in the caves than risk trying to get back to the gate.’ It had been the right decision; it had kept them alive, he reminded himself. ‘When we headed back to the village about eighty per cent of it was destroyed. The remaining villagers were gathered into what was still standing.’ He shifted again, his eyes darkening. ‘That’s when we learned that the Stargate had been damaged. I made my way to the site; saw it was an impact zone. I figured it had been buried.’

Hammond got up and poured Jack a glass of water from the jug on a side table. He handed it to the Colonel. ‘That must have been a shock.’

‘I just hoped my team had made it out of there before it had happened.’ Jack took a sip of water, remembering the fear that had clutched at him.

‘They almost didn’t.’ Hammond informed him, knowing he would want the truth. ‘Both Major Carter and Teal’c waited until the last possible second to return. We almost lost the wormhole before they came through.’

Jack assimilated the news without surprise. He would have done the same for them. He gestured with his water. ‘I went back to the village and Laira spoke up for me. Some of them were convinced that I was responsible for the rest of the village effectively being lost to them.’

‘It must have been difficult.’

Jack shrugged. ‘It was clear I wasn’t wanted but Laira…she insisted that I be treated with respect and they listened to her.’

‘Sounds like she was a good ally.’ Hammond murmured.

‘She was.’ Jack gave a rueful smile. ‘Although I think she and Garan mostly felt guilty back then.’

‘They felt responsible for getting you stranded with them.’ Hammond realised.

Jack nodded again. ‘But they gave me a roof to stay under; food.’ He took another gulp of water. ‘Laira made it clear that I was expected to work for it though; the village needed to rebuild before the harvest.’

‘So you…’

‘Worked in the fields during the day; tried to dig the Stargate out in the evening until I lost the light.’ Jack reported matter-of-factly. ‘I knew if the gate was just buried then if I could reach it and the DHD…’ his voice trailed away. ‘I continued to dig every day for two weeks without progress.’ He stared at the wall trying to avoid Hammond’s compassionate gaze. ‘I didn’t even know if I was digging in the right place.’

He drained his glass suddenly and looked down into the crystal tumbler. ‘Two weeks and one day after I began digging, I uncovered a body.’

Hammond kept quiet and Jack was grateful.

‘It was a family. Husband, wife; two young kids.’ Jack shook his head. ‘We unburied them from the site…gave them a proper burial.’ He tapped the glass. He looked up reluctantly but met Hammond’s pale blue eyes determinedly. ‘That was when I really wondered whether my team made it home.’

He didn’t mention that he had gone back the next day and been unable to dig; scared to the bone that he would put a pick-axe into the ground and find his own family; his team.

‘Understandable, Colonel.’ Hammond said softly.

Jack moved and placed the glass on Hammond’s desk. He’d gone to the river instead; Laira had found him there and tried to comfort him. A part of him had wanted what she had told him he must do; to accept his situation and move on. But he hadn’t been ready.

‘I did go back to the Stargate a couple of days later, started digging again.’ Jack remembered out loud. He’d forced himself to return; pushed past his fear his team were lying in the ground and continued to dig.

‘When did you stop?’ Hammond asked gently.

‘About a month and a half ago.’ Jack replied. He gave a grimace. ‘It wasn’t really a decision.’ He rubbed his arm absently as he recalled the time in question. ‘The villagers were working the fields and rebuilding the houses during the daylight hours. Laira asked me to help out finishing one of the buildings and I didn’t see how I could refuse.’ He raised a hand in a vague gesture. ‘We’d become good friends and when all was said and done she was still putting a roof over my head.’

‘So you stopped digging to help the villagers rebuild their houses?’ Hammond clarified.

‘At first.’ Jack agreed.

‘And later?’ prompted Hammond.

Jack sighed deeply. ‘I suddenly realised I’d been digging for two months and…’ he gestured, ‘nothing. No gate.’

‘Nobody helped you?’ Hammond frowned, his rotund face beaming with bemusement.

‘Garan occasionally.’ Jack said. ‘Some of the other youngsters would sometimes come sometimes. When I finished one of the villager’s houses, he came and worked the same amount of time out in the site with me.’

‘Repayment.’ Hammond realised.

‘Yeah.’ Jack shrugged. ‘Some of the villagers believed the gate had been completely destroyed and I guess I began to wonder if they weren’t right.’ He looked down at the floor. ‘And I figured if the gate was intact, it was going to take me a lifetime to dig it out on my own.’

He looked up at Hammond again before continuing. ‘There were other houses needing to be built; crops to tend; basics to provide for the community; stuff I knew I could help them with if I wasn’t digging.’ Jack fidgeted, uncomfortable. ‘Like I said, I don’t really recall making an actual decision to stop…I think it was more a realisation that it wasn’t going anywhere. I started to help the village out more and eventually, I wasn’t digging; there just wasn’t any time.’

‘So you accepted you were stuck.’ Hammond leaned back.

‘For what I thought was the foreseeable future.’ Jack smiled wryly. ‘I did wonder if you’d asked for any assistance from the Tok’ra but I didn’t think anyone would really come all the way out to a remote spot in the galaxy to pick up one missing Colonel so…’ he shrugged again. ‘I figured I wasn’t coming home any time soon.’

‘Your team was determined to get you home.’ Hammond smiled back at him. ‘If it hadn’t been for their efforts, things may well have played out as you thought.’

Jack changed positions, leaning forward slightly. ‘Uh, General?’

Hammond gestured at him to continue.

Jack rubbed his hands together nervously. ‘Off the record, the woman I was telling you about, Laira? Well, she and I, uh, we…’ he waved a hand at the older man. ‘You know.’

Hammond’s thin eyebrows shot upwards. ‘Oh.’

‘Like I said,’ Jack said hurriedly, ‘I thought I was there for the foreseeable future and she…we…’ he motioned vaguely in the air with his right hand, ‘we’d become close friends.’

‘Evidently.’ Hammond noted.

His lips twitched as though in amusement and Jack looked at him sharply.

‘My apologies, son.’ Hammond said. ‘You were saying?’

‘Recently – very recently – we, uh,’ he made another vague gesture and kept his eyes pinned to the statue on the desk, ‘and there may be, might be,’ he winced, ‘the smallest possibility that she, uh, could be,’ he sighed, ‘pregnant.’ He paused. ‘Sir.’ He added on as an afterthought.

There was silence.

Jack risked looking at his CO to see him gazing kindly back at him.

‘I’m not sure what to say here, Jack.’ Hammond admitted. ‘You’re slightly too old for the lecture about safe sex.’

He felt his cheeks heat. ‘Yes, sir.’

‘And in your situation…without hope of returning home within a reasonable timeframe,’ Hammond sighed, ‘it’s understandable that you allowed your relationship with Laira to progress in the manner it did. It sounds as though she was invaluable friend to you above all else.’

‘Yes, she was.’ Jack said quietly. ‘Sir, if she is pregnant…’

‘Let’s cross that bridge if we come to it, Colonel.’ Hammond suggested compassionately. ‘I’m sure we could work something out.’

‘Sir, if we could keep this between ourselves?’ Jack asked hopefully.

‘I don’t see why your personal relationship with this woman needs to be mentioned in the report.’ Hammond agreed.

‘Thank you, sir.’ Jack said gratefully.

Hammond nodded. ‘You must be tired.’ He gestured at him. ‘Is there anything else you’d like to mention?’

‘No, sir.’ Jack said hurriedly.

‘Then, you’re dismissed.’ Hammond smiled at Jack broadly. ‘I’ll complete the paperwork to reinstate you.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Jack made his goodbyes and swiftly exited the office. He pressed the call button for the elevator and rubbed his head tiredly. A yawn caught him by surprise. He was exhausted. He shook himself. Daniel, first and then he’d find some temporary quarters and sleep. Now Hammond knew what had happened to him, Jack needed to find out what had happened with his own team.

o-O-o

Sam pushed the potato from one side of her plate to the other without conscious thought before she sneaked another anxious glance at the clock on the commissary wall.

‘Is there something wrong with your food, Major Carter?’ Teal’c’s low voice rumbled across the table and startled Sam out of her introspection.

She looked over at him apologetically. ‘No.’ She set her knife and fork down and pushed the still full plate of chicken and vegetables away. ‘I guess I’m just not hungry.’ She missed the concerned look Teal’c exchanged with Daniel.

‘You have to eat, Sam.’ Daniel gently admonished. He took a sip of coffee and gestured with the mug. ‘You know Jack could be hours yet.’

She nodded, realising Daniel was right. The Colonel was probably going to be tied up reporting to the General for a long while. Sam sighed. She had to get a grip. On one hand, she didn’t really want to see Jack; she didn’t know if she could bear hearing about his time on Edora and his relationship with Laira. On the other hand, she felt like a nervous high school teenager waiting for her prom date to turn up, and that was so wrong on so many levels she didn’t even know where to start with it, especially as he didn’t return the sentiment.

Sam got up suddenly, surprising the guys who looked at her with openly startled expressions – even Teal’c. ‘You know you’re right and I’m really tired. I think I’m going to call it a night. Can you tell the Colonel I’m sorry but I’ll see him tomorrow?’

‘We will convey your message to him.’ Teal’c assured her.

‘G’night.’ Daniel said with a sympathetic smile.

Sam nodded and headed out. She ended up in her lab. She left the lights out and wandered into the darkened space wearily. She slumped onto a stool in the far corner and stared into the shadows. She knew what she would see if she illuminated the room; stacks of folders with calculations; half-finished prototypes; draft plans for the finished generator…her previous three months existence dumped and scattered around the room like an exploded bomb.

It was the way she felt, she realised; a mess. All she had focused on for three months was getting the Colonel home; her whole world had reduced to one singular purpose with one singular man at the heart of it. Now she had completed her mission, she felt adrift; unsure how to continue, where to begin to pick up the pieces of her life.

She guessed with the Colonel back it was only a matter of time before the General placed SG1 back on mission rotation. He had no reason not to send them back out, doing what they had always done; exploring the galaxy, fighting the Goa’uld. But she couldn’t be part of it; not if she loved her CO. Sam felt the moisture on her cheeks before she was truly aware she was crying and hurriedly swiped away the tears that streaked down her face.

The regulations regarding relationships were in place for a reason; a valid reason in Sam’s opinion. If she really did love Colonel O’Neill she would be placing their mission at risk by serving with him. She honestly didn’t know whether she would be able to prevent her feelings influencing her decision making; she already had, she recalled sadly. She had gone back for Jack when they had been captured by Hathor; risked her mission to save him. It had worked out but it could so easily have ended in disaster. She bit her lip.

She figured she would have done the same for Daniel or Teal’c but…the thought that one day she would find herself on a battlefield and having to choose between one of them and the Colonel, deciding which one lived and which one died, scared the hell out of her. She didn’t know what she would do; if she saved the Colonel but Daniel or Teal’c died…how would she live with herself? And if Daniel and Teal’c were saved but she lost Jack…the dilemmas were why the regs existed; to protect her and to protect them.

Sam sighed and reached up to massage the back of her neck to ease the headache forming. Nope. She loved Jack and that was a problem. She couldn’t serve on SG1; couldn’t have Jack as her CO. Her smile was bittersweet as she recalled how Janet had picked up on how much Sam had missed Jack soon after work on the generator had started and wondered if there was a problem…Sam had assured her there was not but there definitely was a problem and Sam was going to have to fix it.

Tomorrow, she decided. She would see the General and request a transfer. She really didn’t want to admit her real reason though; General Hammond would probably be disappointed in her and the whole thing was just too embarrassing to have on record. Falling in love with a CO…she grimaced. That would certainly add fire to the arguments women shouldn’t serve and equally, she couldn’t live with anyone knowing about it, not even just the General. The thought Jack would find out when he so evidently didn’t feel the same way…she shuddered. She could tell General Hammond that she wanted to focus on her scientific work rather than continue with gate travel after the satisfaction of the generator project, Sam mused; he might even believe her.

She slipped off the stool and yawned. She really was exhausted but she didn’t want to leave her lab looking such a mess. She wandered over to the wall and switched the lights on. She rolled up the sleeves of her blue shirt. It was time to clear up and move on.

o-O-o

Jack smiled at the sight in front of him; Daniel and Teal’c bent over the ancient game of Jackals and Hounds around the centre table of the archaeologist’s lab. His smile widened when Teal’c snatched the last of Daniel’s Jackals from the table and placed it aside. Daniel’s long suffering sigh as Teal’c won again had Jack chuckling and drew attention to where he stood lounging in the door, one shoulder leaning against the doorpost. Teal’c didn’t look surprised to see him and Jack figured the Jaffa had known he was standing there for sometime.

Daniel blinked but recovered quickly. ‘You’re finished?’

‘Yep.’ Jack pushed away from the door and wandered in. He pulled up a third stool at the head of the table and sat down. ‘All done.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Where’s Carter?’

‘Major Carter has retired for the night.’ Teal’c confirmed his suspicion. ‘She asked us to inform you that she apologises for her absence and will see you tomorrow.’

Daniel slipped off the stool as Jack reached for one of the Jackals, turning the ivory figurine over in his fingers. ‘Here.’ The archaeologist placed a slice of cake down in front of the Colonel along with a mug of coffee.

Jack’s stomach rumbled and he accepted the fork Daniel offered him, gladly exchanging it for the game piece. He started to demolish the dessert and waved with his fork. ‘So, what’s been going on with you guys while I was away?’

Daniel and Teal’c looked at each other and back at Jack.

‘Where do you wish us to begin, O’Neill?’ Teal’c asked.

‘Begin at the beginning.’ Jack repeated Hammond’s words to himself back to his team.

‘You know Sam did try telling you most of this…’

‘I know, Daniel,’ Jack cut him off. He met Daniel’s blue gaze fully. ‘I wasn’t listening then, and I know I owe Carter an apology, but I am now.’

Daniel nodded, pleased at Jack’s answer. ‘We evacuated the majority of the village as you ordered. Sam tried contacting you but you weren’t answering.’

‘Yeah. Hammond mentioned that.’ Jack said around a mouthful of cake. ‘I never got a call.’

‘Major Carter determined the meteors were interfering with the radio signal.’ Teal’c informed him.

‘Eventually Sam told me to go because one of us was needed to reassure the evacuated Edorans.’ Daniel continued. He settled back onto his stool with a mug of coffee for himself and wrapped his hands around the ceramic. ‘Teal’c and Sam stayed to wait for you.’

‘Major Carter and I waited until the last possible moment, O’Neill.’ Teal’c said softly. ‘But there was a meteor headed directly for the gate and we had to leave.’

Jack took a sip of his coffee to wash away the cake that had turned to dry dust in his mouth as he remembered Hammond’s comment. ‘Hammond said you almost didn’t make it.’

‘The wormhole was losing integrity.’ Daniel confirmed. ‘But they made it.’

Daniel’s pale face gave away the seriousness of the incident; the worry the younger man must have felt about his team-mates. Jack felt a sliver of guilt. His team would never have been placed in that position if he hadn’t gone with Laira.

‘Sam knew it was too dangerous to reconnect immediately so we waited twenty-four hours and tried.’ Daniel said.

‘We established a wormhole.’ Teal’c informed him, his massive arms were crossed over his broad chest. ‘But we were unable to send a probe safely.’

Daniel nodded in agreement. ‘Sam worked out that the naquadah in the Edoran soil must have liquefied under the intense heat of the meteor impact and then hardened like an iris over the Stargate.’ He paused. ‘Hammond had to declare you MIA.’

Jack finished the cake and reached for the coffee. ‘So, I’m guessing that’s when you contacted the Tollan and the Tok’ra.’

‘Ah…I handled that with Teal’c.’ Daniel noted. ‘Sam got permission to build the particle beam generator and started on that. She theorised the beam would melt the iris on the Edoran gate like Sokar’s beam would have done to ours.’

‘A wormhole could then be established, destroying the naquadah iris and allowing one of us to come through safely to dig to the surface.’ Teal’c concluded.

‘And she was right.’ Jack said with proud satisfaction. His grateful look to Teal’c again conveying his appreciation for the risk the Jaffa had taken to reach him.

‘Yes, but I don’t think you get exactly what Sam did.’ Daniel interjected. He lowered his coffee mug to the desk and waited until he had Jack’s full attention.

‘Why do I think you’re about to tell me?’ Jack quipped.

‘I believe you should pay close attention to Daniel Jackson.’ Teal’c advised, his dark eyes meeting Jack’s solemnly.

Jack frowned at the show of solidarity. ‘OK, so what did Sam do exactly?’

‘You know until we witnessed Sokar’s effort with the gate that the device she built was considered theoretically impossible?’ Daniel checked.

Jack nodded slowly.

‘And that when I put together that briefing document General Hammond wanted, she told me she had only just started to work out the math?’ Daniel didn’t wait for Jack to answer. ‘Well, basically, when she started, she was starting from scratch.’

‘OK.’ Jack said. ‘So…’

‘So, the best expert in the field who Hammond brought in to assist her left within two days claiming it was next to impossible and it would take Sam most of her life to achieve building the generator.’

‘What a schmuck.’ Jack commented as he fiddled with the handle on his mug.

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c rumbled.

It broke the tension between the three men as they smiled and Jack relaxed a little in the familiar camaraderie.

‘After that, Sam didn’t really do much of anything except work on the project.’ Daniel continued a little less forcefully.

‘Anything?’ Jack checked. ‘You guys weren’t going on missions?’

‘We were liaisons to the Edoran people here on Earth and I was assigned to assist with other SG teams,’ Teal’c confirmed, ‘as was Daniel Jackson but Major Carter worked solely to bring you home.’

‘We tried to help Sam but there wasn’t anything much we could do beyond act as a sounding board every now and again.’ Daniel clarified. ‘She worked non-stop for two weeks and by the end of it she’d worked out the math completely.’ He gestured at the stunned military man. ‘Her work meant that even though I had managed to get the Tollan to agree to check on Edora when their ship was next in the vicinity, the Pentagon still allowed the generator project to go ahead.’

‘It is projected to earn much money for your government.’ Teal’c noted.

‘I bet.’ Jack muttered. Finding out the military had an ulterior motive for allowing Sam to continue once there was another solution to his own predicament didn’t surprise him.

‘About a month and a half into the project, Sam completed a prototype.’ Daniel said. He nudged his glasses back up his nose. ‘The first test didn’t go well. The machine blew up. So, she started working even longer hours trying to build a second one quickly so there wasn’t too much of a delay. She, uh, she collapsed.’

‘Collapsed?’ Jack’s eyes widened. ‘As in…?’

‘Collapsed.’ Daniel looked down guiltily. ‘I found her out cold in her lab. She’d been working almost day and night on the project; not really sleeping, eating.’

‘Why?’ Jack blurted out.

Daniel took a gulp of his coffee leaving Teal’c to reply.

‘I believe you know the reason, O’Neill.’ Teal’c responded.

Jack searched for one; guilt – that had to be it. She’d felt guilty for leaving him behind. ‘It was my fault I got stranded,’ Jack said heatedly, ‘and that doesn’t explain why she was allowed to work herself to exhaustion. Didn’t anyone think to check on her?’

Teal’c glared back at him. ‘We all endeavoured to do so.’

‘Sam claimed she was fine, Jack.’ Daniel tried to soothe the waters and failed as Jack turned his glower on the archaeologist.

‘And you believed her?’ Jack shot back.

‘We let ourselves believe her because we wanted you back just as much as she did; we missed you too.’ Daniel’s voice rose a little.

There was a tense moment of silence.

Jack sighed and looked away. ‘She collapsed.’ If he’d felt guilty before about walking away from her on Edora, he felt ten times worse after hearing Daniel’s account of Sam’s hard work to get him home. He shoved his hands furiously through his silver hair and took a deep breath. ‘I take it Fraiser stepped in.’ He said calmly.

Daniel nodded. ‘Sam was confined to the infirmary for a couple of days and only allowed to resume work on the project under strict supervision.’

‘I believe Doctor Fraiser is most pleased with her progress.’ Teal’c said.

‘She looks a lot better now.’ Daniel agreed. ‘She’d lost a lot of weight before she collapsed.’ His voice gave away his own sense of guilt at allowing his friend to end up in such a state where she had required the strictures.

Jack folded his arms and stared at the ceiling. He truly believed what he’d said to Teal’c; it was his own fault he had been left behind. He’d known it on the planet. That Sam had worked so hard to get him home that she’d become ill…that was his fault too.

‘I haven’t even thanked her properly.’ Jack blinked as he realised he’d said the words out loud. But his words were true; all he’d done was made some lame quip to her in the gate room.

Daniel gestured at him. ‘You couldn’t have known, Jack.’

‘I should have been listening to her when she was telling me about it.’ Jack contradicted him. ‘Hell, I even walked off from her.’ He shook his head.

‘I think she understood, Jack.’ Daniel offered carefully. ‘We could all see that you and Laira, well, uh, what I mean is… ’

Jack glared at him and the archaeologist stumbled into silence.

‘Are you and Laira mated, O’Neill?’ Teal’c asked bluntly, apparently unconcerned about Jack’s reaction.

Jack squirmed under the two men’s regard. ‘Not in the way you mean.’ He answered eventually. ‘I don’t really want to talk about it.’

‘I guess you thought you weren’t coming home.’ Daniel replied anyway.

‘The Stargate was buried, Daniel.’ Jack said brusquely. ‘I didn’t think you could come through, if you were still alive.’ He saw Daniel’s startled expression as the younger man took in Jack had wondered if they had survived and hurried on. ‘And I was pretty sure if any of our allies could be convinced to stop by Edora, it was going to be years rather than weeks before I got a visit.’

‘Did you not try to unbury the gate, O’Neill?’ Teal’c’s voice was devoid of anything but curiosity and Jack appreciated the lack of anything judgemental.

‘For a long while but,’ he sighed and summarised what he’d told Hammond, ‘it wasn’t going anywhere and the village needed to be rebuilt.’

Daniel nodded again in understanding. ‘I think we all understand why you would feel like you needed to move on, Jack.’

Jack got up off the stool restlessly at the other man’s words. He felt nauseous; the cake suddenly an uncomfortable weight in his stomach. ‘I think I’ll head to bed.’

‘You want me to drive you home?’ Daniel asked. ‘I’ve been looking after your place and everything’s set up.’ He smiled. ‘I even taped your games.’

‘No. Thanks.’ Jack replied almost absently, tiredness beginning to overwhelm him. ‘I’ll just crash in quarters here.’ He stopped in the doorway and turned back to them. ‘Thanks. For everything.’

Daniel smiled as Teal’c inclined his head.

Continued in Part II.