Fanfiction: The Journey Home

[rachel500]

Fandom: Stargate SG1
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S3 Jolinar's Memories/The Devil You Know
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Team friendship.  Daniel/Sha're.  Sam/Jack UST.  Martouf/Jolinar.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  Written for entertainment purposes only.

 

The Journey Home

Jack O’Neill stared up at the ceiling of the small Goa’uld cargo ship. Their transport was in bad shape; limping might be the best way to describe it. Teal’c had strained the engines on the journey to and from Vorash, in order to get the team help. His efforts meant that the small ship was struggling to function even at the forty per cent of its capability Martouf had claimed it was only able to achieve. It was going to be a long journey home and they had settled onto pallets to sleep.

He looked over at the other occupants of the cargo hold. Jacob Carter was asleep in the far corner. Earth’s liaison to the Tok’ra was healing thanks to his symbiote, Selmak, and the treatment he had received since their escape from Netu. His daughter, Samantha, was curled up on the pallet closest to Jacob. Jack could tell she had finally fallen asleep; the exhaustion, worry and strain of the past few days catching up with her.

Jack kept his eyes on her for a long moment. The Air Force Major had cleaned up as they all had in the small bathroom aboard the ship. Her blonde hair curled wetly into the back of her neck and brushed the edge of her black BDU top. It had been a tough mission for her. She had braved her buried memories of Jolinar, which by all accounts hadn’t been pleasant, rescued her father and found them a way out. She had been outstanding.

They all had, Jack considered proudly. His gaze shifted to the Jaffa sat upright in the corner. Teal’c was in the middle of a kel no reem to recover from his long period without rest. The Tok’ra Aldwin flew the ship; Martouf was keeping him company up front. Teal’c had come through for them, intercepting their matter stream to save them from the exploding moon. Jack didn’t want to think too hard about the fact that the Tok’ra Council had seemingly been willing to sacrifice them all although he knew he was going to have to address it sooner or later.

Jack’s eyes fell on the remaining member of the group, Daniel Jackson, who was lying on the pallet next to him. The archaeologist wasn’t asleep. Jack couldn’t say how he knew, he just knew. Daniel had been a rock during the whole mission, Jack realised. He’d supported Sam; supported him. It had been Daniel who had had the presence of mind to grab the communications device after his torture. The younger man hadn’t spoken about his encounter with Apophis and Jack hadn’t asked. He knew whatever happened couldn’t have been good. Daniel was still grieving after the death of his wife, Sha’re. She had been the host to Ammonet, Apophis’s beloved queen. It had been a connection that both Apophis and Daniel abhorred. Jack couldn’t blame Daniel for not talking about their confrontation.

Jack had barely spoken about his own experience. The combination of the Tok’ra memory device and the Goa’uld drug they had been subjected to had been lethal. Jack could recall the memory that had been pulled from him with excruciating detail; the warmth of the sun, the hard leather of the glove he held in his hands, his son’s smile. Jack felt tears prick the back of his eyes and he closed them, throwing up an arm to cover his face.

The memory replayed in his head like a bad movie; Charlie had surprised him with the water-gun and Jack had gotten mad at him. He’d just come back from his last black ops mission; just seen a child pick up a real gun; just had to shoot that child dead rather than take the risk of being shot himself. He hadn’t been emotionally stable enough to handle Charlie’s innocent childhood rule-breaking with equanimity. Hell, it hadn’t even been his rule.

His ex-wife Sara had instituted the ‘no toy guns’ rule. She hadn’t wanted Charlie growing up thinking violence was the answer. He had agreed with her in theory and wondered briefly if what she’d been trying to say was that she didn’t want Charlie growing up to be like Jack. Jack hadn’t minded too much; he hadn’t wanted Charlie growing up to be like him either. Of course the problem was that kids would be kids; with the water gun banned, two week’s later Charlie had gone in search of another and he had found Jack’s. The rest was history.

Jack regained his balance and lowered his arm slowly. He took a deep breath. It had hurt to relive that memory but it had hurt more that Apophis had taken Charlie’s form, had used the memory of his son to try and wheedle information out of him. If he hadn’t been so drugged out of his mind, he could have killed the son-of-a…

Sam screamed.

It tore through the silence and grabbed the attention of every single occupant in the cargo ship.

Jack was on his feet before he remembered that he was injured. He stumbled as his bad knee rejected his weight and ignored it. His body and mind focused on one thought: reaching Sam. He collapsed to sit on the pallet beside her, peripherally aware that Daniel was right behind him, Teal’c at his side, Jacob was stirring anxiously nearby and Martouf was hurrying in.

Jack’s hand landed on her shoulder. She jerked under his touch, her body shook violently. ‘Carter!’ He barked gruffly; he kept his hand on her shoulder. ‘Wake up!’

A sob escaped her; a low moan that spoke of terror and fear. She was completely entrapped by her nightmare.

Jack and Daniel exchanged a worried look.

‘Sam?’ Daniel tried, crouching down by the side of the bed, close to her.

Jack patted Sam’s shoulder firmly. ‘Major! On your feet!’ He hoped the order would work; that she would snap out of it.

There was no response.

‘Jack,’ Daniel began anxiously.

‘No!’ Sam sobbed the word. ‘Don’t leave me! Please, Jack. Don’t leave me.’

Jack froze. Sam had said those same words to him when Jolinar had taken her as an unwilling host. Pain arrowed through him as he realised the nightmare she was enduring was that god-awful experience. He’d walked out on her then…

‘I’m here.’ Jack said gruffly, dropping his military gruffness and gentling his voice. He cupped her cheek. ‘I’m here, Sam. I’m right here.’

Her eyes flew open. They searched his. He could see when the nightmare faded; when she realised it was a nightmare and wasn’t real. Her body began to shake again in reaction. Jack didn’t think twice; he pulled her upright and into a hug.

‘You’re safe.’ He assured her softly. His arms were around her; one hand clasping the back of her neck. ‘You’re safe.’

She clung onto him; a sign of how badly the dream had affected her. ‘I thought Jolinar had taken control again.’ Sam’s voice was muffled into his shoulder.

‘I know.’ Jack said simply. ‘You’re safe,’ he repeated, ‘you’re you and we’re all right here.’

Teal’c reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder; Daniel sat down beside the couple on the bed and put his own arm around her. They surrounded her; protected her.

Sam didn’t raise her head. She simply curled into Jack and after a moment, he realised she’d fallen asleep again, her fingers clinging even in sleep to fistfuls of his black BDU t-shirt.

Jack looked up at Daniel helplessly. ‘She’s asleep.’ He hissed. The unspoken question of what he did next telegraphing from his panicked brown eyes

‘You’ll be more comfortable if you lie down with her.’ Daniel said mildly, allowing none of his amusement to seep into his voice as he got up and stepped away from the pallet. Teal’c removed his hand.

‘Daniel.’ Jack snapped, keeping his voice to a whisper.

‘He’s right.’ Selmak said weakly.

Jack’s gaze flew into Jacob’s, or rather he realised, Selmak’s as she had control.

‘You’re not going to get any rest sitting up with her.’ Selmak stated quietly. ‘You should lie down.’

Jack blushed. He could feel the heat, rising up his neck like a tidal wave. ‘Jacob…’

‘Is asleep.’ Selmak said. ‘He needed to heal and I have not allowed him to be disturbed.’ She paused. ‘He is still too weak to have helped Samantha and he would only worry preventing us from healing further. It is clear Samantha has all the assistance and support she needs.’

Jack held the symbiote’s gaze for a long moment.

‘Lie down and sleep, Jack.’ Selmak encouraged him.

‘I could take her if you wish.’ Martouf offered.

Jack’s eyes snapped to the Tok’ra’s. ‘That’s OK.’ He said evenly. ‘I’ve got her.’ He shuffled further onto the pallet, keeping a firm hold on Sam, and stretched out. Sam ended up sprawled partially to the side but mostly on top of him. His left arm remained around her shoulders.

‘Do you require a blanket, O’Neill?’ Teal’c asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

Sam gave a shiver and Jack swallowed the retort he had been about to make. ‘Yeah.’ He said reluctantly. ‘A blanket would be good.’

Teal’c retrieved a simple grey blanket from a box and draped it mainly over Sam. He gave Jack a small bow and backed away to his previous position in the corner. Martouf hovered for a long moment before he walked out of the cargo hold and Jack could hear Daniel and Selmak settling back onto their pallets.

OK, Jack thought ruefully as his arm tightened around the woman he held, he was sure he had been in more awkward situations in his life before…he just couldn’t remember what they were. It wasn’t holding Sam that was the issue, he considered thoughtfully. That part of the situation was great; he loved the feel of her next to him. Her body warming his as it had done when they had been trapped in Antartica, with her hair brushing the edge of his jaw. Nope. Holding Sam was not the bad part of the equation. Holding her and being aware of every one of her curves, of every inch of her that was pressed up against him while her father slept less than a few feet away from them…that was the issue.

He realised his thumb was stroking Sam’s arm and Jack stopped it abruptly. No touching, he admonished himself. He didn’t need to have Jacob look over and think he was copping a feel. He had a sinking feeling that Jacob was going to be less than happy with Selmak’s encouragement for Jack to stay with Sam – not only was Jacob still a General but he was Sam’s father. He repressed the urge to sigh and grimaced as he shifted his injured leg into a more comfortable position.

Sam was going to be mortified, Jack realised. Not only at finding herself clinging to her CO but at the whole situation; the nightmare, calling out to him, sleeping with him in front of her father…he figured he was going to have some major reassuring to do when she woke up.

He yawned suddenly. He was tired and the heat from Sam’s body was lulling him into a drowsy doze. He gave up the fight to stay awake.

o-O-o

Daniel knew the moment Jack stopped debating the situation he had unexpectedly found himself in and slipped into sleep. The archaeologist’s lips twitched in amusement at the military man’s discomfort at finding himself effectively ordered to stay with Sam by Selmak. Daniel knew Jack was probably wondering what would happen when Jacob woke up. Obviously, Jack had given up worrying about it. Daniel could tell by his breathing that the Colonel was sound asleep along with the woman in his arms. The physical comfort was probably helping them both rest, Daniel mused. He didn’t think Jack had slept at all before Sam’s nightmare had disturbed them.

He shifted agitatedly, turning over to face away from the couple. It was mad to be envious, Daniel considered tiredly, even as he inwardly acknowledged that he was. He felt anew the loss of his wife; wanted desperately to hold her in his arms the way Jack held Sam. Yet, Sam and Jack weren’t together – couldn’t be together – despite the fact that they clearly cared for each other above and beyond what the regulations allowed. Daniel knew Jack was trying to move on but as far as Daniel could see, the military man hadn’t gotten very far. Jack had been incredibly protective of Sam the entire trip. They all had, Daniel mused. Sam’s experience with Jolinar had been traumatic for them all and witnessing her having to relive the symbiote’s memories, especially in the presence of Jolinar’s mate, had been uncomfortable and disconcerting.

The sound of someone entering the cargo hold had Daniel glancing over his shoulder and he saw Aldwin stagger onto a nearby pallet and curl up. Within seconds, the Tok’ra was breathing deeply and evenly. Daniel slid quietly off his own makeshift bed and headed to the front of the ship.

Martouf was in the pilot’s seat. He looked over his shoulder at Daniel inquisitively. ‘Are you unable to sleep, Doctor Jackson?’

The vibrating resonance of the voice alerted Daniel to the fact that it was Martouf’s symbiote, Lantash, who spoke and not Martouf himself. Daniel cleared his throat as he wrapped his arms around his torso. ‘Yeah. You want some company?’

‘I would be grateful.’ Lantash said quietly. He nodded at the empty passenger seat and Daniel sat down.

‘So, Martouf is…’ Daniel began inquisitively.

‘Asleep.’ Lantash said. ‘His consciousness rests.’

‘You can take control of the body fully while the host sleeps? I noticed Selmak said Jacob was asleep before too.’ Daniel asked, his blatant curiosity shining out from his blue eyes.

‘We do not do it often,’ Lantash said a little defensively, ‘and never without the host’s permission.’

‘Of course not, I wasn’t suggesting…’ Daniel hurriedly rushed to apologise.

‘It is I who should apologise.’ Lantash cut in. His eyes met Daniel’s ruefully. ‘Hearing Samantha’s words about Jolinar taking control was disturbing.’ His gaze moved to the distorted space created by the hyper-drive outside of the cargo ship. ‘We did not realise Samantha was attached to Colonel O’Neill.’

‘She’s not.’ Daniel replied. ‘Not in the way you mean.’ He qualified.

Lantash frowned. ‘She called out for him.’

‘She was reliving a moment when Jolinar was controlling her.’ Daniel sighed. ‘I wasn’t there and, neither Jack nor Sam have really talked about it much, but…Jack was meant to be interrogating her. He went to leave and Jolinar let Sam out for a moment. Sam begged him not to leave her.’ He swallowed hard, recalling the raw pain in Sam’s voice when she had called out in her nightmare; had Jack heard that same pain when it had all happened?

‘I don’t think either Martouf or myself have fully appreciated the ordeal Samantha endured.’ Lantash confessed quietly.

‘Because you could never contemplate taking a host unwillingly.’ Daniel theorised.

Lantash nodded. ‘It has always been difficult for us to believe anything other than that Samantha somehow misinterpreted Jolinar’s actions because of her prejudice in regards to the Goa’uld. We chose to believe that her distress at the idea of being blended again came from her experience of Jolinar’s death and the confusion left behind rather than Jolinar’s existence for a time within her.’

‘And now?’ Daniel prompted.

‘It is clear that Jolinar caused her significant pain.’ Lantash said regretfully. ‘There was no misunderstanding.’ He looked over at Daniel. ‘Was there?’

Daniel shook his head, remembering how arrogantly Jolinar had taken control of Sam; how she’d tried to manipulate them all. ‘No, I don’t think so.’

Lantash gave a slow nod. ‘I am not sure that I will be able to forgive Jolinar for the hurt she caused Samantha.’

‘It’s been a difficult couple of days for you and Martouf.’ Daniel said softly. ‘I mean with the revelations about how she escaped from Netu; hearing Sam reliving Jolinar’s memories.’

‘It has been more difficult for Samantha, I fear, having to endure Jolinar’s emotions and our reaction.’ Lantash sighed. ‘We will hurt for a while over Jolinar’s actions on Netu but we know that they were necessary for her to escape. We train our operatives to use everything at their disposal. What Jolinar had to do was distasteful and painful to hear but she did it to escape and return home.’

‘And Jolinar loved you very much.’ Daniel offered. He waved a hand at the Tok’ra across the console. ‘Sam was very definite about that.’

‘Yes.’ Lantash took a deep breath. ‘We loved each other very much and perhaps in hindsight a little blindly.’

Daniel’s smile was bittersweet. ‘They do say love is blind.’

Lantash frowned enquiringly.

‘Oh, it’s an expression on Earth.’ Daniel explained. ‘It means that when you’re in love you can be blind to someone’s faults and flaws.’

‘Unfortunately, true.’ Lantash agreed. ‘I believe it was so with Martouf and Jolinar.’

‘With Martouf but not with you?’ Daniel pounced on the distinction the symbiote had drawn between himself and his host.

‘I came to love Jolinar as much as Martouf,’ Lantash said, ‘but for Martouf it was more immediate. In our first years together, I was able to recognise Jolinar’s faults whereas Martouf never could.’

‘How does that work?’ Daniel asked, his curiosity roused again.

‘With difficulty.’ Lantash allowed with a smile. ‘Once blended fully, a symbiote and host experience each other’s feelings deeply. If one is in love, it is difficult for the other not to follow.’

‘What if you dislike the person your host falls in love with or vice versa?’ Daniel wondered out loud.

‘It rarely happens.’ Lantash said. ‘Usually the symbiote and host will come to an agreement on a potential romantic partner. If one cannot stand to be in the presence of the intended partner, neither can stand it; such is the way the blending works. In rare cases, a symbiote may agree to a host’s wishes to proceed with a wanted relationship if there is only ambivalence and no major dislike involved.’

‘I see.’ Daniel crossed his arms and stared into the space distortion beyond the windows.

‘You are thinking of Ammonet?’ Lantash asked delicately.

‘A little.’ Daniel admitted. ‘I just…it’s difficult for me to get my head around.’ He grimaced. ‘Ammonet tried to kill me.’

‘It is rare for a Goa’uld and a host to blend in the way of the Tok’ra.’ Lantash explained. ‘The Goa’uld imposes their thoughts and feelings onto the host and do not concern themselves with the hosts’ own emotions or beliefs. Occasionally they can be influenced, if the host is strong enough, but rarely.’

Daniel gave an understanding nod.

‘Martouf and I were sorry to hear of your loss.’ Lantash offered his condolences gently.

‘I’m fine.’ Daniel replied automatically. ‘Not great, but OK, you know.’

‘I know.’ Lantash said.

Daniel realised with a start that Lantash really did know; he and Martouf had loved and lost their mate when Jolinar had died. ‘Yes,’ Daniel said out loud, ‘I guess you do.’

‘It is strange,’ Lantash admitted, ‘I believed we had grieved for Jolinar but this mission has brought it home to us that Jolinar is dead in a way we did not accept before.’ He said sadly. ‘We had clung onto the belief that she lived on in Samantha and we hoped…’ he stopped abruptly and took another breath, collecting himself. ‘Samantha is not Jolinar. Apophis’s torture left us in no doubt of that.’

‘No, she’s not.’ Daniel agreed.

‘And so we will need to grieve again.’ Lantash seemed resigned to his fate.

Daniel stayed silent. He didn’t want to confide his own mixed emotions. Of all the memories Apophis could have used, the one of his return from Abydos after Sha’re’s funeral with a few precious items that Kasuf, his father-in-law, had given him, wasn’t the worst. In fact, he considered bitterly, just seeing Apophis alive again was worse than experiencing that particular memory. He had watched Apophis die; to see him resurrected was a bitter pill to swallow. He could appreciate how Lantash felt; it was how Daniel himself felt, as though his own newly healed wound caused by Sha’re’s death had been ripped wide open again. He blinked back tears.

‘I think I’m…’ Daniel waved at the back of the ship and stood up quickly.

Lantash nodded understandingly and Daniel made his way back to the bed he had left. He pulled a blanket up over him and closed his eyes tightly against the pain.

o-O-o

Jacob’s eyes fluttered open. For a moment, he was confused. The air was cool and the light was bright. It was a startling contrast to the dark, suffocating pit he had lived in for the previous five days. Rescued, he remembered tiredly, he had been rescued.

Sam.

His thought immediately flew to his daughter. He turned his head, eager to check on her and froze.

She…O’Neill…she…

The sight of his daughter sleeping tucked up against her CO robbed him of his ability to be coherent.

Relax, Jacob. Selmak’s voice soothed him. Her memory of Sam’s nightmare and the aftermath flooded him.

What on Earth possessed you to tell him to stay with her? Jacob blustered, partly angry that Selmak had kept him asleep through the incident and partly relieved that the whole thing was relatively innocent.

Selmak’s surprise fluttered through his mind. She needed him, Jacob.

He’s her CO. Jacob countered.

What has that got to do with anything? Selmak retorted. In an instant, Jacob’s knowledge of the regulations that governed Jack and Sam’s relationship was her own. Oh. She sighed. I didn’t realise.

Well, now you do. Jacob winced at his own pomposity.

Selmak went quiet, pulling away from him and Jacob grimaced. Selmak was experienced enough at blending that she could hide her own thoughts occasionally. She had obviously decided it was going to be one of those times. He inwardly sighed as he contemplated whether to wake his daughter up and detach her from Jack.

The memory of Sam’s nightmare that Selmak had shared drifted back to him and he glanced over at her again. She had sounded so scared; so much in pain. His heart ached; his daughter should never have endured that, but then she should never have endured the torture Apophis had put her through on Netu, nor reliving Jolinar’s memories, all to rescue him.

She is strong, Selmak said quietly.

She’s my daughter, Jacob responded, awash with guilt. She could have been killed.

She is a warrior, Jacob. Selmak’s admiration of Sam bled through her words. She could not sit quietly on the sidelines knowing you were in trouble anymore than you could if it were her. She paused. Samantha has her team; they have protected her. She is not alone.

Neither am I. Jacob felt Selmak’s pleasure at his acknowledgement of their partnership.

He frowned as the detail of Sam’s cry came back to him. He wondered at the personal nature of her words to her CO. She had begged Jack not to leave her – not the Colonel but the man.

I believed it happened during her possession by Jolinar. Selmak’s disapproval of Jolinar flavoured her internal voice. I do not believe you need to be worried about it, Jacob. It was probably prompted by nothing more than fear.

I don’t think you understand how bad this could look for her. If there’s any hint that she and Jack are…his mind shied away from the more explicit descriptions, involved, he settled on eventually, it could harm her career. Jacob’s face creased with worry.

Are you worried about the appearance of their being involved, Selmak questioned bluntly, or about whether they are involved?

You think they’re involved? Jacob jumped on her question alarmed.

I do not know but I believe you are worried they are. Selmak said tartly.

Jacob flushed. She was right. He was worried. But then, if he was honest he’d been worried when he’d seen them together at the reception when he’d first met Jack and later when he had read Jack’s record. The similarities between the Colonel and Sam’s ex-fiancé, Jonas Hansen had been a little unsettling. Jack opening the door to Sam’s apartment when he had visited her hadn’t helped either.

But it hadn’t just been Jack in the apartment, his own inner voice ruthlessly pointed out; Jack might have opened the door but Daniel had been inside with the couple, and more, Sam had quite rightly been angry about his snide implication when he had commented on Jack being there. He shifted restlessly. She wouldn’t have an affair with her CO; he knew that. So what was bugging him?

The last couple of times he had seen them, it had been because of a mission; the Retu…Seth. He hadn’t noticed anything untoward in their behaviour. There was some banter and teasing but that was true of the whole of SG1. A memory drifted back to him; Sam sitting on her brother’s back porch, talking to someone on the phone after a nightmare. He’d later learned it was Jack she had been speaking to although the military man had claimed Sam had initially called Daniel and gotten him by mistake. Jacob frowned. He remembered commenting to Jack that Sam and Daniel were close…

‘We’re all close. You know how it is in a frontline team.’ Jack hadn’t been talking about Sam and Daniel, Jacob realised. He’d been talking about himself and Sam…

He recalled Selmak’s memory of the nightmare hurriedly. The moment replayed in his mind like an old film. Jack had comforted Sam; held her and Jacob recognised something…something that he hadn’t realised before. Jack O’Neill had feelings for his daughter.

Anger and anxiety stirred.

So, he cares for her, Selmak jumped in before Jacob’s anger swept away reason, is that really so bad? She pushed a memory into the forefront of their shared mind; Jack standing in front of Sam in the pit, refusing to let the guards take her and getting shot. She followed it up with another flashback of Jack comforting Sam after her nightmare. Is this so bad? She asked again.

Jacob focused on Jack’s reaction again; on his initial attempt to shake her out of it as her CO before the Colonel had allowed himself to comfort her. Jack might have feelings about Sam, Jacob realised thoughtfully, but the younger man was evidently trying to keep their professional relationship just that, professional. Jack had been seriously discomforted about the suggestion to stay and sleep beside her. So, maybe, Jacob considered semi-seriously, he wouldn’t kick Jack’s butt after all. He closed his eyes tiredly and turned his mind back to other matters.

Sokar.

He seriously hoped the son-of-a-bitch was dead. The remembered pain of his torture had him shuddering.

I hope both he and Apophis were caught in the explosion of Netu. Selmak said harshly.

How are you doing now? Jacob asked. Selmak was sounding a lot more like her old self.

Much better, she confirmed. The rest and medicine Martouf provided has helped me. I will soon be able to heal the physical wounds we endured.

Great. Jacob acknowledged, pleased. His weakness reminded him too much of when he’d had cancer.

Sleep, Jacob. Selmak instructed gently. It will aid us both.

Jacob acquiesced and let the sound of the engines lull him back into unconsciousness.

o-O-o

The drowsy realisation that she wasn’t alone on the hard pallet that acted as a bed had Sam’s eyes flying open.

‘Hey.’ The word was soft but it reassured her as she raised her blonde head to meet the Colonel’s warm brown gaze.

‘Sir?’ Sam’s reply rang with the trust she had in Jack; if he had ended up in her bed, there was a reason.

‘You had a nightmare.’ Jack explained. ‘You wouldn’t let go when you fell asleep so…’ he gestured at their prone position.

A rush of memory had her cheeks flooding with colour. ‘I’m so sorry, sir. I…’ Sam started to sit up.

‘Don’t worry about it, Carter.’ Jack said quickly, still whispering as she was so they didn’t disturb the others. He let her go as she pulled away. ‘I’ll just…’ He winced as he attempted to move and fell back as his injured leg protested with a wave of pain.

‘Your leg?’ Sam’s embarrassment gave way immediately to concern.

Jack nodded as he covered his face with a hand. ‘Just give me a minute.’

‘Don’t move.’ Sam ordered quietly. She scooted off the pallet and went over to their bags. She returned with a syringe and administered it to the Colonel hurriedly. She could see its immediate effect as his face lost its pinched quality.

‘Thanks.’ Jack said.

‘You should probably stay still.’ Sam suggested. She sat down gingerly on the edge of the pallet.

‘Sorry to kick you out of your bed, Carter.’ Jack touched her arm gently.

She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She glanced over at where her father was sleeping. ‘Did my Dad…?’

‘According to Selmak, your Dad was asleep when you cried out.’ Jack assured her. ‘And if I move before he wakes up, he won’t need to know a thing.’

‘You really shouldn’t move. You should rest your leg.’ Sam advised him softly. ‘Maybe when we get to Vorash, one of the Tok’ra might be able to heal the wound.’

Jack shrugged. ‘You remember your nightmare?’

Sam shook her head in mute denial and hoped he couldn’t tell she was lying.

‘All this stuff about Jolinar has to have brought back some stuff.’ Jack prodded gently.

Sam shrugged herself. ‘I’ll be fine, sir.’ She said defiantly.

‘Yes.’ Jack agreed firmly. ‘You will.’

Sam was surprised into looking at him. The confidence he had in her eased the tension gathered in her stomach and shoulders.

‘There’s just so much in my head, right now.’ Sam began quietly. ‘All these memories from Jolinar and how she felt. And then everything with Apophis.’ She shivered unexpectedly.

‘Here.’ Jack patted the bed and gestured for her to lie down again.

Sam didn’t hesitate; she just stretched out next to him. They weren’t cuddling or touching, simply lying next to each other. Jack rearranged the blanket back over the two of them.

‘You think he’s dead?’ Sam asked as she got comfortable. ‘Apophis?’

‘I hope so.’ Jack admitted. ‘But I don’t think I’ll believe it until I dance on his grave.’ A yawn caught him by surprise and he felt the undeniable and irresistible tug back to unconsciousness. His eyes narrowed on hers. ‘How much morphine did you give me, Carter?’

‘You should get some sleep, sir.’ Sam advised, ignoring the question. She had given him enough to knock him out.

‘We’ll talk about this when I’m awake.’ Jack muttered.

‘Yes, sir.’ She said soothingly. She felt his body give up the fight to stay awake as it relaxed beside her. She settled in next him, grateful for the heat and closed her eyes.

Sam blushed. She really couldn’t believe that she had clung onto him like that. Thank God her Dad hadn’t seen it or heard her cry out. She frowned as she turned her head to look at her father.

She’d almost lost him. Again. She had been desperate to save him just as she had the year before when he had almost died of cancer. She had known on some level when she had come up with the plan for her father to become a symbiote and save him that it was a life that wouldn’t keep her father safely tucked up somewhere but hearing he had been captured by Sokar had been devastating. Jolinar’s torture by the Goa’uld came back to her and she shuddered in remembered pain; had her father endured the same? She hated the thought even though she knew he probably had.

Sam sighed and stared up at the ceiling. The Colonel had promised that they would bring her father home and they had done it. She was so grateful to the guys for supporting her. A ripple of guilt surfaced. They had all endured so much in order to help her. Yet she knew she couldn’t have done it without them; without Daniel grabbing the communication device, or Teal’c’s unerring determination to save them, or the Colonel’s steadfast confidence that they would succeed. Sam felt a rush of love and gratitude for the three men that caught her by surprise and had tears welling in her eyes. She swiped at them hastily.

Her emotions were a mess, she considered wryly, they were mixed up with Jolinar’s and complicated by the flood of memories and thoughts that had surfaced during the time she had worn the Tok’ra memory device. Her memory of her mother’s death was so clear to her and the emotions that lingered with it, sharp and bitter. The wrenching pain at the loss; the ache that came from knowing her mother would never hold her again, that she would never be there for the significant moments in her life. Anger at both her parents swept over her again; her mother for leaving and her father for his part in the tragedy. Sam had forgiven him and buried the childish anger a long time ago; she knew she would bury it again.

She moved past her own memories and tentatively examined those of the symbiote she had carried. It was strange, Sam mused; she and Jolinar had a lot in common – both of them were soldiers for the same cause, both of them strong and independent but she doubted that she and Jolinar would have been friends. There was an arrogance to Jolinar’s manner; a ruthlessness that Sam remembered all too well from when Jolinar had taken control of her.

Her memories of the possession seemed confused. She could recall Jolinar’s memories as well as her own and the two were blurring like two separate watercolour paintings caught in the rain. Her own terror blending into Jolinar’s driven desire to do anything, say anything to return to the Tok’ra. She could better understand Jolinar’s sacrifice to save her was not a sacrifice. She could see that there had been a sincere desire to put right her wrong in taking Sam as a host but more Sam could feel Jolinar’s desire to leave her legacy behind. She shivered. She might understand Jolinar now; might admire her for her determination and what she had given to the cause but no, she and Jolinar, the Tok’ra warrior, would not have been friends.

But Sam could also recall Jolinar the woman. A being totally in love with her mate and it softened that harder picture of Jolinar somehow. Whatever her faults, Jolinar had loved Martouf deeply. They had loved each other deeply. The memory Martouf had prompted her to recall of his last night with Jolinar before her mission to Sokar flooded Sam again and she flushed, feeling like a voyeur. She had edited when she had described it to the others; the couple had stayed up all night but not just talking. The images of love-making danced behind her eyes of the two loving each other…Sam shifted restlessly. She had never had a relationship like the one Jolinar had experienced with Martouf. Her eyes strayed back to Jack beside her and jerked away again. At least, she could better distinguish between Jolinar’s feelings and her own in regards to Martouf, Sam mused. She could clearly identify Jolinar’s love and her own more muted fondness.

She frowned and looked around the cargo hold for him. He wasn’t there, she realised. Sam climbed off the pallet, careful not to disturb the Colonel and headed for the front of the ship. She made her way over to the passenger seat.

‘Hi.’ Sam greeted Martouf nervously.

‘Samantha.’

‘Lantash.’ Sam recognised Martouf’s symbiote and sat down. She turned to the front.

‘How are you feeling?’ Lantash asked gently.

‘I’m OK.’ Sam said automatically.

Lantash hesitated before he continued. ‘Your nightmare…’

‘I don’t really want to talk about it.’ Sam said hurriedly.

Lantash nodded. ‘I am sorry, Samantha.’

She looked over at him in surprise. ‘What for?’

‘For asking you to take this mission.’ Lantash said. ‘For making you relive Jolinar’s memories. Your bravery has been incredible.’

‘It was necessary.’ Sam replied, uncomfortable at his compliment. ‘I understand that and besides, it’s my Dad.’ She changed her position slightly so she could look at him fully. ‘How are you and Martouf doing with everything?’

‘I think mostly we are sad.’ Lantash murmured. ‘I wish Jolinar had confided in us. I wish…’ he sighed, ‘I wish a lot of things that are no longer possible.’ He looked over at her. ‘I think perhaps Martouf and I need to let go of Jolinar and focus on the living.’

Sam smiled sadly in understanding. ‘She loved you very much.’

‘And you?’ Lantash asked quietly. ‘How do you feel about us?’

Her eyes widened at the question. ‘Well, I…’ she gathered her thoughts hurriedly, ‘I like you both a lot. You’ve been a good friend to me.’

Lantash nodded. ‘May I hope that we will continue to be good friends?’

Sam impulsively reached over and laid her hand on his forearm. ‘I’d like that.’

‘Then I am content.’ Lantash said.

Sam settled back in the seat and a comfortable silence descended. It felt right, she mused. She wasn’t in love with Martouf and Lantash and they all knew that. Now she only needed to sort out how she felt about everything else and she would be fine. She smiled wryly; if only it was going to be as easy as it sounded.

o-O-o

Jack dragged himself back to consciousness and gave a muted groan as he forced himself into a sitting position. The pain in his leg had settled into a dull ache but the entire limb felt stiff. His head felt stuffed full of cotton wool. He’d have to thank Carter for that, he remembered grumpily. He suddenly realised that she was no longer with him and looked around the cargo hold. It was empty apart from himself and Jacob.

The ship was stationary, Jack considered with a sigh. They’d either reached Vorash or had stopped somewhere for a rest. He shuffled off the pallet and looked over at his own bed. If he could get there before Jacob woke up…

Teal’c entered the cargo hold and Jack waved him over. He indicated the bed he wanted to get to and Teal’c slipped an arm around him. Jack grasped Teal’c’s shoulder and levered himself off the bed. They staggered over to the pallet Jack had originally used and Jack lowered himself onto it with a grateful sigh.

‘Where are we?’ He asked.

‘We are at Vorash.’ Teal’c confirmed in a low voice.

‘Carter?’ Jack inquired. ‘Daniel?’

‘They are reporting back to General Hammond through the Stargate.’ Teal’c informed him briskly.

‘Good.’ Jack winced as he stretched out his leg again.

‘Preparations are in hand for our departure.’ Teal’c continued. ‘Major Carter did not wish to disturb either you or her father before it was time for us to leave.’

Jack nodded, not disagreeing with Sam’s decisions. He focused on the Jaffa. ‘I never got a real chance to thank you yesterday.’

‘There is no need.’ Teal’c said. ‘I am grateful I was able to intercept your matter stream in time.’ His tone was neutral but Jack caught something flickering in the depths of the dark eyes.

‘I know that look.’ Jack said, wagging a finger at him as Teal’c arched an eyebrow at the comment. ‘You’re not happy about something.’ He made a guess. ‘The Tok’ra?’

Teal’c inclined his head. ‘I believe the strategy to eliminate Sokar was sound but they were very willing to sacrifice lives to achieve that and unwilling to risk their own on a further rescue attempt.’

Jack nodded slowly. ‘I can understand it, Teal’c. One rescue mission goes South, you have to wonder at the value of risking further lives to save a few people.’

‘I also understand their thinking but I believe you would have decided differently.’ Teal’c said softly.

‘Well, we don’t leave our people behind.’ Jack confirmed.

Teal’c’s head snapped to Jacob and Jack followed his gaze to see the older man stirring on his pallet.

Jacob sat up and stretched.

‘Hey.’ Jack called out. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Much better.’ Jacob replied after a long moment. He moved off the bed and walked across the hold to stand beside Jack’s bed. ‘I feel better than you look.’

‘Yeah, well,’ Jack said dismissively.

‘You were discussing the Tok’ra’s decision to blow up Netu.’ Jacob said. ‘You have to believe me when I say it would not have been a decision they would have taken lightly. The loss of Selmak and Lantash would have been a significant blow to them.’

Jack nodded. ‘Like I said to Teal’c, Jacob, I understand their tactics.’

‘You just don’t agree with them.’ Jacob added.

Jack shrugged.

They both turned at the sound of someone approaching and both of them smiled at Sam as she entered.

‘Dad.’ Sam immediately crossed to her father and gave him a hug. ‘You’re awake.’

‘Awake and feeling fine, kiddo.’ Jacob confirmed.

‘You still coming back with us?’ She couldn’t quite keep the hope out of her voice.

Jacob nodded. ‘I believe I promised my daughter a vacation.’

Jack watched as Sam’s face lit up with pleasure.

Jacob’s eyes shifted to Jack. ‘If that’s OK with her CO?’

Jack looked at him quizzically, wondering why Jacob was making a point of asking him. ‘Sure.’ He smiled at Sam. ‘I think a few days of downtime are probably going to be on the cards anyway knowing the Doc.’ He gestured at his leg.

Sam grinned at him. ‘Actually, Martouf is grabbing a healing device so…’ she hadn’t completed the sentence when the Tok’ra entered with the orange stone.

‘Here.’ Jacob held out his hand. ‘I’ll do it.’ He waited until the others had carried out some of the team’s belongings before he sat down beside Jack and positioned the healing device over the other man’s leg.

‘Thanks.’ Jack winced as he began to feel the effects of the device; muscle and skin healing and knitting together again.

‘Consider it a thank you for what you did to get it in the first place.’ Jacob offered. He glanced up from his ministrations. ‘You know I like you, Jack.’

Jack looked at him startled. ‘Why do I think there’s a but coming?’

‘No but.’ Jacob said easily. ‘I think you’re a good soldier, Jack. A little crazy but it works for you.’

‘Thank you, I think.’ Jack murmured.

‘And,’ Jacob continued, his dark eyes flickering up to hold Jack’s, ‘I know you’ll protect Sam.’

Jack’s heart sank at Jacob’s fierce expression as he realised the older man was somehow aware of what had happened with Sam’s nightmare – Selmak probably. He held Jacob’s eyes though determinedly. ‘I will.’ It was a promise he meant to keep; his feelings for Sam were his problem. She was unlikely to ever feel the same way and he wouldn’t allow the way he felt to hurt her career.

‘Then we understand each other.’ Jacob said quietly as he deactivated the healing device.

‘We do.’ Jack agreed solemnly.

‘Your leg should be fine now.’ Jacob indicated for Jack to try and stand.

Jack placed his weight gingerly on his bad leg and felt it hold. No pain. He gave a sigh of relief.

‘Is it healed?’ Sam’s voice had the two men’s attention instantly.

‘Yeah.’ Jack reached for his jacket. ‘We should get going.’

‘If you’ll excuse me, I just need to speak to Martouf before we go.’ Jacob excused himself and left the two Air Force officers alone.

Sam gave a small frown. ‘Is everything OK, sir?’

‘You mean other than the small matter of you knocking me out with morphine?’ Jack said tartly, easily diverting her attention.

‘About that, sir.’ Sam began to explain.

‘No need, Carter.’ Jack interrupted. ‘You’ve been taking lessons from Doc Fraiser no doubt.’ He watched as she bit her lip to stop from smiling. ‘You want to say your goodbyes to Marty?’ He asked casually as he set his cap over his silver hair.

‘Already said them, sir.’ Sam said as they made their way through the cargo ship.

Jack wondered at the note of finality in her voice but outwardly nodded in approval. ‘Let’s retrieve Dad and go home, Carter.’

Sam’s smile was bright as they stepped out into the sunshine. ‘Yes, sir.’

fin.