Fanfiction: Forgiveness

[rachel500]

Fandom: Stargate SG1
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S1 Cor-ai
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Daniel/Teal'c friendship.  Jack/Hammond friendship.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  Written for entertainment purposes only.

 

Forgiveness

There was so much tension in the briefing room that a dummy could have picked up on it and Doctor Janet Fraiser prided herself on being no dummy. She shifted awkwardly in the seat and tried hard to ignore the underlying currents around the table.

General Hammond was sitting stiffly in his seat with his pale blue eyes fixed to the SG1 leader, Colonel Jack O’Neill as he finished his report of SG1’s encounter with the Byrsa on the planet Cartego. The team had run into trouble on the planet when one of the natives had recognised Teal’c as the Jaffa responsible for killing his father. The incident had happened during Teal’c’s time as Apophis’s First Prime. He had not denied the crime and subjected himself to Cor-ai; the Byrsa’s justice system. He had been found guilty and only his heroics in saving the Byrsa when they had been attacked by Apophis’s Serpent Guards had prevented his execution. Teal’c was absent from the briefing; he was recovering in the infirmary from a nasty staff blast to his leg.

Unfortunately the positive resolution to the incident didn’t negate the bitter after-taste for the SG1 team who had seen Earth, and their own command, effectively abandon the Jaffa to his fate after refusing to agree to a plan to send additional troops to Cartego in an attempt to force the Byrsa into releasing Teal’c. The heated exchange of words between O’Neill and Hammond had been widely overheard by the staff in the control room and the guards at the briefing room door.

Janet could see that the usual ease that existed between the two men was missing; a frigid air of formality erected in its place. Her eyes drifted to Captain Samantha Carter who sat next to her as the other woman began her report. The young blonde Air Force officer had followed the example of the two senior officers and had also retreated into military formality. Her demeanour was poster perfect; her tone clipped and precise; her manner lacking its usual warmth. If the military personnel were maintaining emotionless façades and trying to ignore the problem, the same could not be said of the civilian member of SG1.

Doctor Daniel Jackson sat opposite Janet; he positively vibrated with suppressed tension. He hadn’t stopped fidgeting since they had begun the briefing; fiddling with his glasses, the coffee mug in front of him, the pen he held, his hair. He shifted constantly in his chair as he waited until it was his turn to report. Janet assumed he had been informed of what had happened, or maybe he had worked it out from the lack of additional troops accompanying his team-mates. He was evidently furious. She nervously straightened her own folders as Sam came to a finish and wondered how bad the eruption would be.

Hammond cleared his throat and his pale blue eyes moved to the archaeologist. ‘Doctor Jackson, do you have anything to add to the report?’

Daniel’s eyes met the General’s fiercely. ‘Yes. I can’t believe that the rescue plan for Teal’c wasn’t approved.’

‘Daniel.’ Jack said warningly. ‘We talked about this…’

‘And I’m not letting this go, Jack. What kind of message are we giving to Teal’c about his place with us?’ Daniel continued as though the interruption from the Colonel hadn’t happened. ‘And what happens the next time?’ He asked, passionately waving his hands at Hammond. ‘Are we just going to let him die?’ His eyes gleamed brightly behind his glasses. ‘Are we…’

‘This subject is not for debate, Doctor Jackson.’ Hammond stated forcibly, cutting across the younger man. ‘The decision was made at the highest level and the truth of the matter is that Teal’c did commit atrocious acts in the service of Apophis…’

‘You don’t need to remind me of what Teal’c did, General.’ Daniel’s sharp words echoed in the suddenly silent room.

They all shifted uncomfortably and avoided each other’s eyes. Of all of them, Daniel had suffered most at Teal’c’s hands; the Jaffa had played a large part in Daniel’s wife being abducted and implanted by a Goa’uld.

‘Look, I even argued that he should stand trial,’ Daniel allowed, ‘but I changed my mind when I realised that nothing would sway them from executing him…’

‘Doctor Jackson…’ Hammond tried to forestall the younger man.

‘…despite all the good Teal’c has done since he saved us and all the good he can do in the future.’ Daniel leaned forward over the table gesturing. ‘Teal’c doesn’t deserve to die and he does deserve to know the place he now calls home will not stand idly by and let him be executed…’

‘Doctor Jackson.’ The name ricocheted across the table like a bullet.

Daniel stumbled mid-flow and stopped bemused.

‘You’ve made your point.’ Hammond said quietly.

It was only his respect for the General that had Daniel subsiding unhappily into his chair.

Hammond gave a barely concealed sigh of relief. He turned to Janet. ‘Doctor?’

‘Teal’c sustained a bad staff blast to his left thigh, sir.’ Janet clasped her hands atop the folder on the table in front of her. ‘His symbiote is healing the wound but slowly. I’ve admitted him to the infirmary for the night to monitor it. If I had to guess I would say that Teal’c’s own emotional state may be impeding progress.’

‘And what is his emotional state, Doctor?’ Hammond asked.

Janet shifted a little in her seat uncomfortable as all eyes fell on her. ‘It’s difficult to say, sir. Teal’c’s a…a very self-contained individual.’ She gave a half-shrug. ‘We can only guess at what emotional turmoil he’s been through with the events of the Cor-ai and the…the outcome.’

‘Not to mention having to kill Shak’l.’ Daniel added.

‘Shak’l?’ Hammond questioned.

‘The Jaffa we met during the incident with the Nox, sir.’ Sam clarified.

‘Teal’c helped train him.’ Daniel explained.

‘I see.’ Hammond glanced back at the doctor. ‘Well, keep me appraised, Doctor and let me know if there’s anything he needs.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Janet nodded.

‘I’ll expect your reports by eighteen hundred tomorrow, SG1. Dismissed.’ Hammond rose from the table and walked smartly into his adjoining office. The door closed firmly behind him leaving the rest of them stood by the table.

A muscle tensed in Jack’s jaw as he stared for a moment in the direction of the departed General before he seemed to consciously shift his gaze. The brown eyes were guarded as they met Daniel’s. ‘You need a lift back?’

Daniel shook his head. He was staying with Jack; a temporary arrangement that had dragged on for a couple of weeks after he had lost his apartment when presumed dead. ‘I think I’m going to stay on the base, see if Teal’c wants some company.’

Jack nodded jerkily. ‘I’m going to head home then. Doctor. Captain.’ His eyes met Janet’s then Sam’s in a brief acknowledgement of farewell before he turned and sharply walked out of the briefing room.

Janet gathered her folders and made to leave the room. Daniel picked up his coffee mug and followed her. They both stopped at the doorway as they realised Sam hadn’t moved.

‘Sam?’ Daniel’s brow creased in confusion at Sam’s thoughtful expression; she looked a million miles away.

‘Hmmm?’ Sam focused on her team-mate with a slightly surprised look as though she had been unaware of his presence.

‘Are you coming to the infirmary?’ Daniel asked patiently.

‘Cassie’s waiting for us in my office, remember?’ Janet added, referring to the young girl SG1 had rescued from Hanka a few days before the mission to Cartego. ‘She’s been dying to see you.’ The little girl was very attached to Sam and had waited impatiently for her to return.

Sam covered with a bright smile. ‘I’ll be down in a minute. I just need to check something. You guys go on without me.’

She watched Daniel and Janet leave the briefing room before she gathered up her folder and walked the couple of steps to the General’s office door. She hesitated, wondering if she was doing the right thing. She raised her hand to knock and lowered it again, almost turning away from the door before she stiffened her resolve and turned back to knock firmly on the wood.

‘Come.’

She entered the office and closed the door behind her, swallowing nervously.

Hammond glanced up from his reading. His blue eyes met hers a little warily. ‘Captain Carter.’

‘Sir,’ Sam took a deep breath, ‘permission to lose the ranks, sir.’

His eyebrows shot up.

‘I have a…a personal matter I need to speak with you about. Sir.’ Sam hastily added.

Hammond frowned. ‘If this is about Teal’c…’

‘It isn’t.’ Sam insisted.

The General looked at her as though gauging her sincerity before he waved at the chair in front of his desk. ‘What’s this about, Sam?’

‘It’s about Colonel O’Neill.’ Sam admitted as she sat down.

Hammond’s heart sank a little. ‘I’m not sure it’s appropriate for us to have this discussion without ranks, Sam.’

‘Neither am I,’ Sam confessed wondering again at the wisdom of what she was doing, ‘but I don’t think you want it on the record, Uncle George.’

He registered her evident awkwardness and the use of her childhood name for him. He had once been extremely close to the Carter family having served with her father, Jacob. That closeness had drifted with reassignments to different parts of the world but both Sam and he were more than aware of their pre-existing relationship and how it might be construed.

When Sam had first transferred to his command, they had both agreed that they would both conduct themselves as though that relationship had never existed; they had to in order to comply with the regulations. Hammond had informed his chain of command and he knew they were watching closely for any sign of favouritism; he considered the fact that they had allowed his decision to assign her to SG1 to stand as a minor miracle. In all respects, he treated her like any other member of his command; she had never wanted nor had asked for any personal favours and seemed very happy with the status quo. For her to approach him on a personal basis had to mean that whatever she wanted to discuss was very important.

He sighed as she realised she was waiting for him to give her permission to continue. ‘Why don’t you just spit out what’s bothering you, Sam?’

‘I think you need to speak to Colonel O’Neill about what happened with Teal’c.’ She blurted out.

‘Sam…’

‘Not about the argument you had,’ Sam added hurriedly and then seeing his unhappy face rushed to correct her statement, ‘I mean, I don’t think you should talk to him about your decision about rescuing Teal’c, I mean…’ she sighed. ‘Let me start again.’

‘I think that would be a very good idea.’ Hammond stated dryly.

Sam gave an embarrassed smile. ‘I think Teal’c’s trial for killing someone when he was Apophis’s First Prime raised a few issues for the Colonel about his own past specifically some of the missions he had to do during his time in Special Forces.’ Her hands were twisting together nervously in her lap and she stilled them. ‘And I think he needs to talk to someone.’

Hammond regarded Sam for a long moment. ‘Why do I get the feeling that the Colonel didn’t tell you about his time in Special Forces?’

‘Because he didn’t.’ Sam admitted with a wince.

‘Do I want to know how you do know something which is supposed to be highly classified?’

‘No.’ Sam said simply.

Hammond sighed again deeply. There were times he was immensely grateful for the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ rule of the military. ‘Sam, I appreciate that you’re trying to help but I…’

‘Sir,’ Sam used the honorific automatically despite the permission for the informal discussion, ‘Colonel O’Neill would never admit he needed to talk to someone, that’s just not the type of man he is and I’m not saying officially he needs a psych exam or anything like that but I think he really does need to talk.’ She gestured at the General. ‘He might have talked to Daniel but Daniel wants to stay around for Teal’c. I think the trial raised a lot of stuff between the two of them that they need to deal with, and besides, I don’t think Daniel would be the right person this time. I don’t think he knows a lot of the detail about the Colonel’s military past and he’s not exactly sympathetic to military decision-making especially around…’ she searched for a euphemism, ‘the grey areas.’

Hammond snorted in reluctant amusement and Sam relaxed a little.

‘I would go myself but I don’t think the Colonel would confide in me as a junior officer and I’ve already agreed to spend some time with Cassie.’

‘And you’re not really supposed to know why he might be upset in the first place.’ Hammond reminded her.

Sam blushed. ‘Yes. There is that too although his comment in your argu…discussion when he mentioned having to do ‘distasteful things for his country’ might have given me an opening.’

She had obviously thought about it a great deal, Hammond realised and wondered why he was surprised; Sam thought about most things a great deal more than the average person and usually at ten times the speed.

‘I also think he needs someone who has an idea of what he’s been through and that’s not me.’ Sam finished.

The General looked at her sharply. He had the sudden sinking feeling that Colonel O’Neill’s unofficial and unvarnished service record wasn’t the only one she had read. He leaned back in his chair and contemplated her request. He nodded slowly. ‘I’ll see what I can do.’

‘Thank you.’ Sam breathed out relieved. She rose from the chair. ‘With your permission, sir?’

‘Dismissed.’ He confirmed. ‘And Captain?’ He waited until their eyes met and held. ‘We never had this discussion. Understood?’

Sam nodded. ‘Understood, sir.’

o-O-o

Daniel wondered absently what Sam was so preoccupied with as he pressed the call button for the elevator. He glanced over at the petite brunette doctor standing with him reading one of the folders she held and cleared his throat. ‘So…how’s Cassie doing?’

Janet looked up from her notes and hastily closed the folder. ‘Oh. You know.’

‘Actually I don’t.’ Daniel said with a smile to take the edge of his words. ‘That’s why I was asking.’

‘Sorry.’ Janet gave an apologetic grimace. ‘Physically she’s doing much better. The bomb in her system has completely dissolved. She’s beginning to regain her energy.’

‘And emotionally?’ Daniel prompted.

Janet sighed. ‘To be honest I think the loss of her home and her parents is beginning to fully register with her.’

‘It’s a big loss.’ Daniel commented.

‘I think it hit her when Sam wasn’t around.’ Janet looked at the elevator doors wondering why it was taking so long. ‘She missed her.’

A less observant person would have missed the slight flicker of frustration across Janet’s face but as an anthropologist, Daniel was trained to pick up on people’s gestures and reactions. Obviously the couple of days SG1 had been away had been trying for the doctor with her new charge. Maybe she was even wondering if she had done the right thing in deciding to adopt Cassie. He pressed his lips together wondering whether to say something. ‘I guess you’ve had a difficult couple of days.’

Janet’s brown eyes flew back to his. She smiled wryly. ‘I could say the same about you.’

Daniel smiled appreciatively. He nudged his glasses up his nose. ‘If you want…I could talk to Cassie…I mean about her parents, how she feels. I kinda have some idea about what she’s going through. I mean, obviously not about losing her planet, although I might be able to parallel with having to leave Abydos but…’ He stopped as she started to grin. He smiled ruefully. ‘I guess what I’m trying to say is if you need anything, I’m here to help.’ He gestured with his mug. ‘We all are.’ He noted the way her brown eyes opened in surprise. What was it with military women and their independence, he wondered. Sam was exactly the same; always taken aback at the idea someone might want to help them.

‘Actually, I would appreciate it if you could talk with her, Doctor Jackson.’ Janet said.

‘I know there’s probably some military protocol why you need to call me Doctor Jackson in meetings,’ Daniel said with a faint air of exasperation, ‘but when it’s just the two of us, can you please just call me Daniel?’

‘Daniel.’ Janet agreed. ‘And I’m Janet.’

‘When you’re not poking me with needles.’

‘When I’m not poking you with needles.’ Janet laughed.

They both smiled at each other. The frisson of attraction caught both of them by surprise.

Daniel cleared his throat. ‘So…’

‘So…’ Janet said hurriedly. ‘I’m thinking about getting Cassie into art therapy.’

‘Art therapy sounds good.’ Daniel agreed, possibly more enthusiastically than was warranted.

Janet nodded and gave a sigh of relief as the elevator finally arrived. They both got into the cramped compartment and Daniel hit the button for the infirmary floor.

‘I’ve been meaning to ask you to stop by the infirmary.’ Janet said, trying to regain a professional footing.

‘Oh?’

‘I just wanted to ask how you’ve found everything since the incident with Hathor.’

‘Good.’ Daniel shot back immediately. He wrapped his arms his body before belatedly realising the tell-tale body language had given away his inner unease. He sighed. ‘I’m trying not to think about it too much.’

‘You know I could still refer you to…’

‘No.’ Daniel interrupted her. ‘No. Thank you.’ He smiled a little grimly. ‘I might not have…’ he searched for a word, ‘completely…totally…accepted what happened yet but…’ he shrugged, ‘I’m getting there.’

‘Well, if you do need to talk to someone, my door’s always open.’ Janet said gently.

‘Thank you.’ Daniel said even though he knew he would never take her up on the offer. It had been bad enough discussing the barest details of the whole thing with Jack. He was relieved when the elevator doors opened and they spilled out onto the corridor. They reached an intersection.

‘Well, I’m going this way.’ Janet motioned to her right in the direction of her office.

‘I’m going to see Teal’c.’ Daniel said, waving ahead of him towards the recovery room the Jaffa had been placed in.

‘OK, so…’ Janet wondered why she felt so awkward.

‘I’ll come round tomorrow to see Cassie.’ Daniel promised.

‘Great. I’ll see you then.’ Janet said brightly. ‘I’ll…er…’ she gave a small wave and headed down the corridor.

Daniel watched her as she briskly strode away from him, shook himself slightly and continued on to his destination. He paused in the doorway for a moment and took in the unusual sight of seeing the Jaffa in a medical bed. Teal’c’s symbiote usually healed him so quickly that he rarely required any recovery time in the infirmary. It had been a nasty staff blast but still…Daniel wondered if Janet was right; if Teal’c’s emotional state was affecting his recovery.

‘Hey.’ Daniel took a step inside the room and closed the door behind him. ‘I thought I’d check in, see how you were doing.’

‘I am fine, Daniel Jackson.’ Teal’c’s voice rumbled across the room but he didn’t look at the archaeologist.

Daniel looked at the tension in the Jaffa’s body; the way the dark eyes stared with suppressed emotion up at the ceiling. ‘No.’ He stated quietly. ‘You’re not fine.’

The Jaffa’s dark eyes jerked towards him.

Daniel put his coffee mug on the bedside table and drew up a chair. He sat down next to the bed. ‘Look, Teal’c, I only know a little of what you did as Apophis’s First Prime and I can’t imagine the rest; I’m not sure I’d want to.’ The Jaffa looked away from him. ‘But what I do know is that you were often placed in the position of having to make some very difficult choices.’

He gestured at Teal’c. ‘And what I know is that you tried to make the best choice you could each time; you still tried to save as many people you could. I can’t imagine having to decide which villager to kill in order to save the rest…or which woman to choose as a host so the rest could live…and I can’t imagine how those decisions must weigh on you. And I know they do weigh on you, Teal’c, because at heart you’re a…a good person.’

Teal’c remained silent but Daniel could see the muscles clenching in his neck, along his jaw-line; he was listening.

‘I think I know, Teal’c, why you wanted to go through Cor-ai.’ Daniel murmured in the silent room. ‘You want redemption for what you did and you think you can get that by being punished, by allowing your victims to enact retribution for the dishonourable acts you committed.’ He kept his gaze on the Jaffa’s tense face. ‘I think there’s a large part of you that doesn’t believe you deserve mercy for what you did.’ He pushed his glasses up his nose. ‘I don’t think you even understand why Hanno let you live.’

‘He was grateful for my assistance in defeating the Jaffa who attacked them.’ Teal’c said simply. It was the only conclusion he had been able to make.

‘No.’ Daniel shook his head. ‘He changed his mind because he saw that you truly weren’t the Jaffa that killed his father. You weren’t the dishonourable coward he thought you were that had simply shot an old crippled man rather than risk his own death and others.’ He paused. ‘Or the dishonourable coward you think you are who doesn’t deserve a second chance.’

The words had Teal’c’s head jerking towards him.

‘He forgave you, Teal’c.’ Daniel said softly. ‘And so do I.’

Teal’c looked away again and swallowed hard against the churn of emotions.

‘But it doesn’t really matter if I forgive you or if Hanno forgives you,’ Daniel said, ‘you have to forgive yourself.’

‘I cannot.’ Teal’c said so quietly Daniel almost missed the words.

There was silence for a while as Daniel wondered how best to comfort his friend; if he could comfort him.

He sighed. ‘As hard as this is to believe, Teal’c, I know some of how you feel.’ Daniel held the Jaffa’s dark questioning gaze. ‘I can’t forgive myself either.’

‘For what, Daniel Jackson?’ Teal’c couldn’t think of an act Daniel had committed which would cause the other man to feel such a weight of guilt that would colour his voice in such a tone of self-recrimination.

‘I unburied the Abydos Stargate.’ Daniel said simply. His regret shone in his blue eyes. ‘If I had only left it buried, Sha’re and Skaara would never have…’ his throat closed over the words.

‘Apophis would have taken a ship to Abydos.’ Teal’c said firmly.

‘Maybe.’ Daniel allowed. ‘But we’ll never know, will we?’

‘Your act was not to intentionally harm, Daniel Jackson. Mine…’ he stopped abruptly.

‘Your acts were to do the least harm possible when it was impossible to do no harm at all.’ Daniel pointed out.

‘It does not change what I did.’ Teal’c was unable to hold the words back.

‘No.’ Daniel agreed. ‘But when you were First Prime you never had a real choice. Now you do have a real choice and I don’t see you killing the defenceless; I see you protecting them.’ He saw his words register with the Jaffa. He bit his lip. He didn’t think anything else he would say would help Teal’c; he wasn’t sure if what he’d said had helped at all. ‘I should let you rest. Maybe I can drop by later and we can have a game of Jackals and Hounds?’

‘I would like that.’ Teal’c said gruffly.

Teal’c watched as the younger man rose from the chair, pushed it back against the wall and picked up his coffee mug.

Daniel’s hand was on the door handle when he turned back to the Jaffa. ‘I just want you to know, Teal’c, I’m glad you’re my friend.’

‘As I am glad you are mine, Daniel Jackson.’ Teal’c replied. He watched Daniel leave and stared at the ceiling for a long moment, the other man’s words racing through his head.

From the time of his youth, Teal’c had known the only way to survive was to be a warrior for the Goa’uld; the more powerful a warrior, the greater the position of power held. He had wanted to be First Prime. Bra’tac had taught him well but he had also warned him of what was to come; that Teal’c would commit acts that would prey on his soul. Teal’c had not believed him; not until the first time Apophis had ordered him to kill an entire village – the women and children included. He had so much innocent blood on his hands that he no longer saw the individual faces of those he had killed; there were too many.

But Bra’tac had also taught him that as First Prime he could temper the will of the Goa’uld and Teal’c had tried. When Apophis would order a village destroyed, Teal’c would try hard to sway him to show mercy for the women and children; when Apophis killed woman after woman rejected by Ammonet, Teal’c had tried harder to select a woman who would end the choosing. When Apophis demanded one villager be killed or they all would die; Teal’c had chosen to kill one and save the others; he had chosen to kill Hanno’s father.

Teal’c shifted his wounded leg into a better position. He had not blamed Hanno for wanting revenge; for wanting justice. He would have demanded the same in his place. Hanno’s change of heart on seeing Teal’c save the Byrsa from the attacking Jaffa still seemed incredible to him. Were all humans capable of such acts of forgiveness? Or had Daniel Jackson’s example persuaded the other man in some way?

When Daniel had told him after their first mission together that he couldn’t forgive him that day but he would one day, Teal’c had believed that day would never arrive. His part in the abduction of Sha’re, in her implantation was too great for the archaeologist to forgive. If he were Daniel Jackson…he could not contemplate befriending him, could not contemplate arguing with the Byrsa to spare his life, or having the compassion to comfort him. Yet, Daniel had done all of those things.

‘This Teal’c is my friend.’

Perhaps, Teal’c considered as he settled back against the pillows and deepened his breathing, his path to redemption was not in finding someone to exact payment for his past but in how he shaped this second chance he had been given. Teal’c knew his own nature and what he was; he was a warrior. He would kill again as he had killed Shak’l, who he had known and who he grieved for, to defend the Byrsa and himself. But he could become more than a warrior, and he believed Daniel Jackson had much to teach him in that regard; of compassion, mercy and forgiveness. Perhaps in this way he could find the redemption he sought. The comforting thought was his last as he slipped into a meditative state to heal.

o-O-o

Jack was on the back porch with his eyes turned up to the sky and a beer in his hand when he dimly heard the sound of car pulling up outside the front of the house. He sighed. Daniel must have changed his mind about staying on the base and borrowed a car, he thought. He winced at the edge of resentment but inwardly acknowledged that he had been looking forward to spending the evening alone especially after the events of the last mission. They really needed to find Daniel a new apartment, he thought as he gulped back another mouthful of beer.

Daniel would probably want to talk. Jack wondered how he could head off the younger man and felt a pang of guilt. The Cor-ai had been tough on the archaeologist. He’d been made to talk openly about his relationship and his feelings for Teal’c in regards to what had happened with Sha’re. Jack knew Daniel and Teal’c had been building a good relationship over the past months and he hated the idea that the mission could have rocked that in any way. It was bad enough he felt the mission had rocked his own relationship with Teal’c a little given their opposing views over the Jaffa’s guilt and whether he should have subjected himself to the Cor-ai or not. He should probably give Daniel a sympathetic ear, if not as his friend as his team-leader, Jack thought morosely as he heard footsteps coming around the side of the house, but the truth was he wasn’t in the mood.

He glanced up as the footsteps reached the decking and his eyes widened in surprise at the sight of General Hammond dressed in civvies and carrying a pack of beer.

The older man cleared his throat and gestured at the bench seat Jack was resting on. ‘Mind if I join you?’

Do I get a choice? The words popped into Jack’s head but he managed to suppress the urge to say them. He waved at the bench. ‘Make yourself comfortable, sir.’

Hammond nodded and took a seat. He grabbed a beer and offered it to Jack who shook his head.

‘I’m good.’ Jack gestured with the bottle he held.

Hammond said nothing; he simply opened the bottle and leaned back.

For a long while the two men sat in silence, staring up at the night sky and both wondering what to say to the other. Hammond’s eyes drifted to the looming moon and he sighed.

‘You know the night I watched them land on the moon I thought we’d travel to other planets but I had no idea we’d be doing it through an alien metal ring.’ He shifted on the bench and took a sip of his beer.

‘Where were you, sir?’ Jack asked curious.

Hammond gave a brief laugh as he remembered. ‘In a hospital room with my father.’ He shook his head. ‘He’d had his first heart attack two days before and the doctors weren’t keen on him watching it but he insisted though. He was a tough old coot.’ He smiled fondly at the memory of his late father before he turned to Jack. ‘You?’

‘Next door to where we lived had a party.’ Jack said. ‘There must have been about thirty people crowded into that house.’

There was another silence, a little more relaxed than the last, a little more companionable.

‘Tough day, huh?’ Hammond said quietly.

Jack stiffened a little in response and lowered his beer. ‘You could say that, sir.’

Hammond sighed. ‘Lose the ranks, Jack.’

‘OK.’ Jack agreed readily. ‘So why are you here?’

The General gave a brief laugh. ‘Well, I guess I should have expected that.’

Jack simply looked back at him expectantly.

‘I thought we should talk.’ Hammond admitted.

‘I’m fine.’ Jack’s reply was immediate and it had been the response Hammond had been expecting.

‘You forget, Jack,’ Hammond said mildly, ‘I’ve read your service record.’

Jack looked away and tipped his bottle back gulping down more beer.

‘I’m figuring Teal’c’s situation hit a little close to the mark.’ Hammond continued.

‘A little.’ Jack allowed wryly.

Hammond brushed his thumb over the label on his bottle. ‘Your situation isn’t the same as Teal’c’s though.’

‘No?’ Jack stared out into the garden. He could make out the outline of trees and shrubs in the shadows cast from the houselights behind them; the same lights which cast the two men in a puddle of orange. Eventually, he shrugged. ‘I don’t see the difference. Teal’c was acting on orders from Apophis; back when I was in Special Forces, I was acting on orders from my chain of command.’

‘Are you equating your old chain of command to a Goa’uld?’ Hammond asked sharply.

‘No.’ Jack said. ‘But just because my actions weren’t ordered by a snake doesn’t make what I did any less…’ he struggled for a word to describe the horror of what he had done.

‘Distasteful?’ Hammond suggested.

‘Yeah.’ Jack grimaced. ‘That.’ He knocked back another mouthful of beer.

‘We’ve all done some distasteful things, Jack.’ Hammond let his own eyes move to the garden and the darkness. ‘I remember after coming back from ‘Nam…there were days I thought I’d never wash the stain from my soul or forgive myself for what I did.’ He harrumphed. ‘Still are.’

Jack glanced at his CO briefly; the look of pain on the other man’s face was so intense he had to look away again. He felt some of his reluctance give way; some of his guard drop. He sighed. ‘Teal’c asked me if I had ever shot a man and seen the tears in the eyes of his son. You know what I said to him? I said not exactly.’ He shook his head and hunched forward. ‘I should have said yes. Yes, I know what that’s like. And I know what it’s like to shoot the boy next because he’s picking up his father’s rifle and I can’t take the risk of him alerting more soldiers.’ He grimaced. ‘A boy, for crying out loud. He couldn’t have been any older than Charlie.’ He stopped abruptly as though the mention of his late son had caught him by surprise.

‘That was your last mission.’ Hammond stated.

‘Before I transferred out?’ Jack nodded. He stared at his beer.

Hammond didn’t need Jack to fill in the rest; three weeks after his transfer, Jack’s son had been shot while playing with Jack’s gun and he had died. Soon after that Jack had been assigned the Abydos suicide mission and well, that brought them up to date in many respects.

‘All this time I’ve been telling myself that each mission, each,’ Jack pulled a face, ‘distasteful thing I did was because I was following orders, making the world a better place.’ He took a sip of beer to wash away the bitter taste in his mouth. ‘But really it’s a load of crap.’

‘How so?’ Hammond asked softly.

‘Teal’c stood there and took full responsibility for what he did.’ Jack answered. ‘He wouldn’t use the fact that Apophis had ordered him, hell would probably have killed him if he hadn’t followed the order, as an excuse for what he did.’ He sighed. ‘He stood there and took full responsibility for his actions.’

‘We live by the chain of command, Jack.’ Hammond said. ‘So long as the order is lawful, we’re obliged to carry it out.’

‘You know I’m just not sure I believe in the whole chain of command thing anymore.’ Jack blinked in surprise at his own admission and wondered if he’d drunk too much beer already; it was his first one.

Hammond sighed. ‘I know you think I let you and your team down today, Jack.’

‘It’s not that.’ Jack replied automatically. He caught Hammond’s look of disbelief. ‘OK. Maybe a little that.’ He allowed. ‘But I know you did everything you could even though you disagreed with me.’

‘There’s never any easy decisions.’ Hammond said. ‘If we had ordered an attack on the Byrsa, you may have ended up committing the same acts of aggression against them as the original atrocity Apophis himself perpetrated. I’m not sure you could have truly lived with that any easier than living with Teal’c being executed by them for a crime he did commit.’

Jack was silent as he absorbed the truth of Hammond’s words.

‘That’s why the chain of command exists.’ Hammond reminded him. ‘So you don’t have to make that choice.’ He sighed deeply. ‘I can’t say why Teal’c felt that he needed to take full responsibility. I’m ashamed to say that I probably haven’t gotten to know him much beyond his intel on the Goa’uld and the Jaffa. But it seems to me that the chain of command concept doesn’t truly exist with the Goa’uld and the Jaffa. The Goa’uld don’t give orders to relieve the Jaffa of the burden of responsibility; if anything they give the Jaffa orders to place the burden more fully on their shoulders.’

‘I guess.’ Jack said. He was feeling a little ashamed to admit that he hadn’t tried to get know Teal’c’s culture himself beyond the tactical advantages they needed to fight the Goa’uld.

‘Possibly Doctor Jackson could explain it.’ Hammond suggested.

‘Possibly.’ Jack agreed. Even with his issues with Teal’c, Daniel had probably reached out to try and understand the Jaffa culture, Jack mused wryly. He shook his head.

‘He’s a unique individual.’ Hammond said thoughtfully. ‘I don’t know another man alive who would befriend Teal’c the way he has done after everything Teal’c did to him.’

‘Daniel just does the right thing.’ Jack said simply. ‘And he expects everybody else just to do the right thing too.’ Daniel had expected the Byrsa to free Teal’c when they had understood the Jaffa’s motivations and the good he could do; ultimately he had been right even if it had taken an attack for the Byrsa to see it. ‘I envy that.’ He confessed.

‘Me too.’ Hammond admitted. ‘Although I’d like to think we’re going to operate in a way at the SGC that isn’t just lawful but is also morally and ethically sound.’

‘I’ll drink to that.’

The clink of their bottles sounded loudly in the garden.

‘I hope Daniel doesn’t change,’ Jack said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, ‘that this fight with the Goa’uld doesn’t change him.’ He fiddled with his bottle. ‘That he never stops trying to do the right thing.’

‘Even if it makes your life more difficult?’ Hammond asked wryly.

Jack shrugged self-consciously. ‘If it means I do the right thing this time round, I think I can live with him and Carter occasionally giving me hassle.’

‘Sam?’ asked Hammond surprised at the mention of the Captain.

‘Sure.’ Jack nodded. ‘She’s really just a Daniel in Air Force clothing.’ He quipped.

Hammond laughed at the image.

Jack lowered his bottle suddenly. ‘You called her Sam.’

Hammond winced at the edge of accusation. ‘Well I did say no ranks.’ He tried to cover and knew from the knowing look on the Colonel’s face that it was a futile attempt.

‘You know her.’ Jack stated pointing his bottle at the General.

Hammond sighed under the other man’s even and relentless stare. ‘I served with her father.’

Jack cast his mind back to Sam’s service record. If his memory was correct her father was another Major General; Jacob Carter. ‘I see.’

‘I assigned her to your team because she was the best for the job.’ Hammond said forcefully. ‘Not for any other reason.’

‘I don’t doubt it, sir.’ Jack assured him hurriedly. ‘And if I may say so, she was an excellent choice.’

Hammond gave a huff of breath. ‘I would be grateful if we could keep this between the two of us.’

‘Of course.’ Jack quickly agreed. He could imagine the fallout for Sam if her connection with the General was widely known.

‘Good.’ Hammond put his beer down; it was still mostly full – he hadn’t come to drink. ‘Well, I should get going.’

Jack walked him round to his car.

‘Thanks for the pep talk, sir.’ Jack said as Hammond opened the car door.

Hammond glanced over at the Colonel. ‘I would thank Sam if I were you.’ He said getting in.

‘Sam, sir?’ Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Hammond stuck his head out of the driver’s window. ‘What did you call her? A Daniel in Air Force clothing?’ He considered her visit to his office for a moment. ‘Sounds about right to me.’

fin.