Fanfiction: Let Go and Hold On - Part VII

[rachel500]

For disclaimers and author's note see Part I.

 

Let Go and Hold On

Chapter 19

Teal’c barely felt the weight of Colonel Carter in his arms. She had remained unconscious. He kept her close. The Jaffa knew her original injuries had been worsened by her fight with the Unas. He felt a wave of pride. His team mate was a formidable warrior. It was impressive that she had killed two Unas before being captured and had found a way to ensure the rest of SG1 would find her. But it was clear that she had sustained further injuries.

He felt guilt slide into his belly like a knife. He should have refused to have left her despite O’Neill’s need for back-up. If he had stayed with her, it was unlikely she would have been captured. Of course, it was equally likely that O’Neill and Daniel Jackson would have been killed. He pushed away the useless thoughts. He should focus on the present and ensuring no further harm came to Colonel Carter rather than dwelling on past regrets, he told himself sternly.

He glanced back and found O’Neill carefully guarding their progress. The military man had obviously decided to do the same as Teal’c. Teal’c figured O’Neill had blamed himself for what had happened to Colonel Carter. It had been his decision to split the team. Teal’c knew he would have done the same in his place and he guessed Colonel Carter would have also taken the same course of action had she been asked. Yet he knew O’Neill was questioning whether his decision had been right given his time out of the field.

It had surprised Teal’c that O’Neill had accepted the position of the SGC commander although admittedly he believed O’Neill had planned to continue going off-world more than he had ultimately been able to do so. O’Neill was incredibly suited to leading men in the field; gifted. His ability to strategise on his feet; to lead his team to its fullest potential was outstanding. Teal’c could not believe that O’Neill enjoyed being away from the action anymore than he did.

They were so similar, he and O’Neill. Brothers. Both born for battle; both excelling in warfare. Both driven by a need to protect and defend. Both cared for strong women who were warriors in their own right. Teal’c had observed that his two military team-mates had come to care for one another long before either O’Neill or Colonel Carter had realised. He had been witness to their confessions and their heartache. While each had tried to move on in their own ways, their paths always seemed to inextricably lead back to each other. Teal’c had believed their reassignments would have made moving on together a possibility at last.

They cared for each other; that much was evident in each look they shared, each touch. Yet they remained apart, seemingly still trapped by the barriers that no longer existed between them. He wondered why. He was reminded of a man Apophis had once tortured. The Goa’uld had rigged the man’s cell door to burn him every time he touched it. For a time he had tried to escape over and over. Yet eventually he stopped trying to touch the door. When Apophis had taken the door away, the man had remained in the cell, unable to leave so conditioned by his previous torture. Apophis had laughed to see the man so cowed and broken that he could not see the open door in his mind to walk through it.

Teal’c figured O’Neill and Colonel Carter were as the man in the cell. They had been so long conditioned to the idea that they could not be together that now the door was open, they seemed unable to recognise the possibility and grasp it. His own situation bubbled to the surface of his mind. Did it also explain his inability to take his relationship with Ishta forward? He had spent so many years holding back from commitment, keeping himself distant so he could act unimpeded and without distraction that perhaps he was unable see he no longer needed to do so.

He considered it as they walked past the bodies of the Unas they had killed earlier. He had always vaguely thought that when the war was over he would be able to commit fully to Ishta and he could not pretend that his inability to do so was because he did not realise the possibility was there; he knew the possibility was there, the problem was that faced with it he was also faced with an unwelcome truth; he did not want to change their relationship.

Ishta was a good woman and he enjoyed her company; they were well-suited in many ways and he knew he loved her, but to pledge a lifelong commitment? He was uncertain if he wished to be married again. He had a son; Rya’c was married to a good woman. In time there would be grandchildren. He liked his freedom; he answered to no-one. Marriage held few attractions for him, Teal’c realised with chagrin. Yet Ishta deserved such a commitment and he knew that if he were to fail to offer her one that she would eventually look elsewhere and he could not blame her.

Focus on the present, Teal’c reminded himself. His thoughts had revealed the futility of existing in the past and there would not be a future if they did not stop the Doomsday machine. His gaze moved to the archaeologist in front of him. They stepped into another corridor.

‘This way.’ Daniel pointed and moved forward.

Teal’c followed, holding Colonel Carter securely. He could feel O’Neill at his back, guarding them.

Daniel stopped at the end of the corridor. It was a dead end.

‘What’s going on?’ Jack moved up to stand next to the younger man. He wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand.

‘It dead ends with this wall.’ Daniel waved at it with his free hand.

‘Maybe you’re reading it wrong.’ Jack said, pointing at the device Daniel was holding.

‘I’m reading it right.’ Daniel retorted.

‘Daniel, we’re at a dead end.’ Jack waved his hand at the wall.

Daniel glared at him.

Jack sighed and turned back to the Jaffa. ‘Any suggestions, Teal’c?’

‘Perhaps a rest is in order.’ Teal’c said.

‘Good call.’ Jack nodded. ‘Let’s take a break.’ He was already walking over to help Teal’c lower Sam to the floor.

They took a few minutes to check her injuries again and make her comfortable.

Jack pointed across the corridor at a door. ‘Is that what I think it is?’

‘Bathroom.’ Daniel said out loud.

‘There might be water. I’ll replenish the canteens.’ Jack said. ‘Stay with Carter.’

Teal’c watched him disappear into the room.

Daniel slid down the wall and took off his glasses to rub his eyes. ‘Maybe he’s right; maybe I am reading this thing wrong.’

‘You should rest.’ Teal’c advised. He lowered himself to the floor to sit beside his friend. ‘You have been awake for many hours.’

‘Jack thinks I’m leaving everyone behind by going to Atlantis.’ Daniel remarked quietly. ‘Maybe he’s right about that too.’

‘What do you think?’ Teal’c asked curious.

‘I guess I don’t see it as leaving you behind so much as that you all give me something to come back to.’ Daniel admitted.

‘Family.’ Teal’c supplied in understanding.

Daniel sighed. ‘Is it wrong to want to move on?’

‘No.’ Teal’c looked at the ceiling. ‘But you have chosen your new path, Daniel Jackson. Some of us are not so fortunate.’

Daniel looked at him. ‘You’re free, Teal’c.’ He dropped his gaze. ‘But you’re not, are you? Everyone just expects you to lead the new government.’ He sighed again deeply. ‘And Jack didn’t choose his new role and Sam didn’t really choose to go to R&D.’

‘I believe General O’Neill said it best.’ Teal’c said.

‘What?’

Teal’c held Daniel’s compassionate gaze. ‘Change does indeed suck.’

Daniel gave a short laugh. ‘Maybe you’re just looking at it the wrong way.’

Teal’c looked at him quizzically.

‘You’re a leader of your people, Teal’c. You can help shape their future.’ Daniel pointed out. ‘How many people get that kind of opportunity in their lives?’

Teal’c considered his words. Perhaps he had been too hasty at only seeing the downside to the expectation that he would lead his people; perhaps there was an opportunity he had not yet grasped. And perhaps he was to viewing his relationship with Ishta with similarly faulty thinking; instead of the loss of his perceived freedom, perhaps he should consider the opportunity that had presented itself – an opportunity to be with her.

‘This was my fault.’ Daniel blurted out abruptly.

‘How so, Daniel Jackson?’ Teal’c asked.

‘I should have been with her.’ Daniel said miserably. He glanced at Sam. ‘How do you think she’s doing?’

Teal’c opened his mouth to reply.

‘She’s doing fine.’ Sam cut in groggily. She started to shift and they helped her move into a sitting position. She accepted the water canteen and took a sip, wincing. She suddenly seemed to focus. ‘Where’s the Colonel?’

‘You mean General O’Neill.’ Teal’c corrected.

‘Right.’ Sam smiled weakly. ‘Where is he?’

‘He went to get some water.’ Daniel said. He looked across the hall at the closed door and frowned. ‘He should have been back now.’

Teal’c rose to his feet swiftly. ‘I will go and check.’ He grabbed his gun and entered the bathroom.

It was a large space with several cubicles towards the back. The left side was dominated by a large marble sink. Two water canteens stood by the side. He made his way in stealthily. He heard a sound at the back and moved forward to take cover by the internal cubicle wall. He moved out and aimed his weapon.

Jack looked back at him, his own weapon poised.

They lowered their guns.

‘We were concerned.’ Teal’c said crisply.

‘Sorry, I thought since I was here, I would, uh.’ Jack waved at the cubicles behind him as he crossed to the sink.

‘Colonel Carter is awake.’ Teal’c said.

‘How is she?’ Jack placed his hands in the bowl and water began to run from the faucet.

‘She is disoriented. She referred to you as Colonel.’ Teal’c watched as the other man washed his face and neck.

‘Damn.’ Jack dried off his face with the edge of his t-shirt and his eyes met Teal’c’s in the mirror.

There was a taut silence.

Jack reached for the water canteens. ‘We should get back to the others.’

‘O’Neill.’ Teal’c subtly blocked his way. ‘I have recently come to realise that not all change is to be feared if it presents an opportunity.’

Jack looked at him solemnly and a muscle tensed in his jaw. ‘We should get back.’

He walked out and Teal’c followed, satisfied the other man had listened to his words. Perhaps he should follow his own advice, Teal’c mused. Perhaps he should consider his opportunity as Daniel Jackson had suggested.

Chapter 20

Sam waited until Teal’c disappeared before she turned to Daniel. He looked tired and pale. He looked exhausted. She reached out and took his hand. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’ Daniel squeezed her fingers lightly. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Like I got into a fight with some really nasty Unas.’ Sam replied dryly. She bit her lip. ‘I heard your conversation with Teal’c.’ She admitted quietly. ‘It isn’t your fault I didn’t make it back to the SGC.’

‘I should have been with you. I should never have agreed to do the briefing.’ Daniel said, remorsefully. ‘It was our last mission.’

‘Daniel,’ Sam rubbed his fingers comfortingly, ‘have you considered that things turned out exactly as they were meant to?’

‘What do you mean?’ Daniel asked, frowning.

‘I mean, maybe this was meant to happen.’ Sam said weakly. ‘We probably triggered the machine when we sent the original MALP. If I hadn’t missed the wormhole home, we might have been back at the SGC oblivious…’

‘To the end of the universe.’ Daniel finished for her. His lips curled upwards a little. ‘You could be right.’ His tired face brightened. ‘So maybe I’ve been looking at this the wrong way.’

‘Maybe that’s not the only thing.’ Sam said.

Daniel picked up the energy device and waved at her. ‘You mean this?’

‘No.’ Sam hesitated but ploughed on. ‘I was thinking about the Colonel’s reaction to you going to Atlantis.’

‘Oh that.’ Daniel said dismissively.

‘You’re his best friend, Daniel. Has it occurred to you that he’s just going to miss you?’ Sam pointed out gently. ‘That we’re all going to miss you?’

Daniel’s mouth formed a perfect O. He sighed and looked at her with chagrin. ‘I never thought about it that way.’ He squeezed her hand again. ‘I’ve been so caught up in the excitement.’

‘You should be excited, Daniel.’

‘I could have thought more about how it’s been for you.’ Daniel argued.

‘You’ve wanted to go for so long and it’s not your fault, or Teal’c’s, or the Colonel’s that I ended up being the last one left.’ Sam murmured. ‘It’s just what happened. Maybe it was meant to happen like this.’ She raised a bandaged hand. ‘I think maybe we’ve all been a little blind lately.’ She mused out loud, thinking about Daniel’s conversation with Teal’c.

‘Maybe I’ve been so caught up in feeling sorry that this part of my life is over that I haven’t seen my move to Area 51 as the opportunity it is.’ She smiled at him. ‘Maybe I’ve been like Teal’c and haven’t been looking at it the right way.’

Daniel smiled back at her. ‘Well, I think I’ve been looking at this wrong.’ He held up the device. ‘You want to take a look?’

Sam reached for it when she stopped. She raised a finger to her lips and grasped her gun. Daniel immediately reached for his. Both of them were poised when Jack and Teal’c appeared. They lowered their weapons.

‘Good to see you awake.’ Jack said as he crouched down beside Sam. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘I’m fine, sir.’ Sam said stubbornly.

He held up a finger. ‘Follow it.’

She blew out a small breath of annoyance but obediently tracked his finger. She stopped suddenly as she saw another Jack crouched beside the real one; her hallucination staring back at her with concern and love. She blinked and he disappeared.

‘Carter.’ Jack snapped her attention back to him.

‘Sorry, sir.’ Sam raised her hand to the bump on her head. ‘Just tired.’

She could see the urge to disagree flit through his worried brown eyes but he nodded instead.

‘Want a trip to the bathroom?’ Jack suggested. ‘You can wash up a little.’

‘Sounds good.’ Sam murmured.

He held up a hand to stop Teal’c from reaching for her. ‘I’ve got it.’

‘I’ll come too.’ Daniel said, getting to his feet and stretching. ‘I could use a bathroom break.’

‘Let’s all go.’ Jack agreed. ‘That wall isn’t going anywhere.’

The bathroom trip was slow but it was worth it. Sam accepted Jack’s arm as she stepped out of the cubicle; there had been a small but swift argument about her going in on her own but Jack had backed down.

‘Where are Teal’c and Daniel?’ She asked, looking around the empty space.

‘Outside, keeping watch.’ Jack said as he helped her stagger over to the sink. He handed her a damp handkerchief. ‘You still seeing, uh, things?’

Sam kept her attention on the water and wiping her face with the handkerchief. ‘Does it matter?’

‘What rank am I?’ Jack asked.

Sam was surprised into looking at him. She took in the bruise that marked his cheekbone and wondered if his fight with the Unas had left him with a concussion. ‘Are you feeling alright, sir?’

‘Teal’c mentioned that you called me Colonel?’ Jack said.

‘I was just confused when I woke up.’ Sam said defensively. She tried a smile. ‘It’s been a while since we were all on a mission together.’

Jack steadied her as she swayed on her feet.

‘And I’m really glad you’re here.’ The truth spilled from her lips before she could stop it.

He stared at her.

‘I mean, it feels right that it’s the four of us for the last SG1 mission.’ Sam hurried out. She darted a nervous look at him.

‘Yeah.’ Jack slid his arm around her, tucking her closer to his own body.

She clung onto his shoulder with a hand as they took a step away from the sink. ‘You know Daniel wanted a big mission like saving the world for our last one.’

‘See I knew this was his fault; I just didn’t know why.’ Jack joked.

They smiled at each other.

‘Come on.’ Jack said, sobering. ‘Let’s get back to saving the world.’

They all settled back in front of the blank wall.

Daniel handed her the device. ‘I can’t understand it.’

Sam checked the calibrations and his readings. She bit her lip. ‘I don’t think you’re reading it wrong. The energy signature is definitely coming from behind that wall.’

‘Maybe there’s another way around.’ Jack suggested.

‘Or maybe we’re just not seeing it right.’ Daniel countered. He walked up to the wall.

‘Daniel?’ Jack questioned.

‘I see where he’s going with this, sir.’ Sam said suddenly understanding what Daniel had in mind.

‘You do?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘You want to explain it to me?’ Jack asked dryly. His eyes twinkled at her.

Sam smiled at him. ‘What if the wall isn’t a wall?’

‘What?’ Jack looked completely bemused.

‘Sam’s right, Jack.’ Daniel gestured at the wall. ‘Maybe this is meant to be a security feature. If all anyone finds is a dead end then they stop searching.’

‘You believe the wall to be an illusion.’ Teal’c surmised.

‘Or some kind of advanced holographic projection.’ Sam said.

‘So we just walk through it.’ Jack said, reviewing the wall with new eyes.

‘You could try it.’ Daniel made a sweeping invitation with his arms.

Jack looked at Daniel suspiciously. His eyes moved back to Sam who looked at him encouragingly. He turned back to the wall. ‘OK, then.’ He reached forward and poked at it with a finger. ‘It feels solid.’

‘Maybe you have to think about walking through it.’ Daniel said.

Jack sighed. ‘Think about it?’

‘Think about it.’ Daniel repeated.

‘Right.’ Jack closed his eyes. He took a deep breath.

Sam found herself thinking alongside him. Walk through it. A giggle had her eyes snapping to the left of the Colonel. Grace grinned at her before the child turned and skipped through the wall. Her breath lodged in her throat.

Jack moved forward and disappeared.

Chapter 21

Jack opened his eyes and breathed in a relieved breath. He wasn’t stuck in a wall. The room suddenly brightened with artificial light and Jack blinked as he swore. He looked at the control room that was revealed with a sense of satisfaction; each wall had banks of monitors and controls; the layout was reminiscent of the reports from Atlantis – smooth metallic like consoles. There were a few stools and chairs. It was windowless but there was another door at the back; Jack checked it out quickly and found a small storage room filled with gadgets that no doubt would send Daniel and Carter into coos of ecstasy if they discovered them; he closed the door on the room firmly.

‘Sir.’ Carter’s anxious radio call interrupted the moment.

‘I’m here, Carter.’ Jack answered. ‘I’m coming back through.’ He turned and closed his eyes again. This time he walked forward confidently. He made it back into the corridor unscathed.

The other three members of SG1 looked at him in relief. He gestured over his shoulder. ‘You were right. There’s a control room back there.’

‘So how do we all go through?’ Daniel asked, looking at the wall sceptically.

‘I believe we should employ the Tollan method.’ Teal’c suggested calmly. His gaze met Jack’s and Jack glimpsed the hint of amusement in the dark depths.

‘Really?’ Jack made a face.

‘The Tollan method?’ Sam asked. Her face was pale, too pale. Jack could see she was struggling to stay with them again.

‘You know,’ Daniel wiggled his hand, ‘holding hands.’

‘Ah.’ Sam smiled at Jack’s evident disgust. ‘I see.’

‘Which is why I’m going to repeat this;’ he paused dramatically, ‘really?’

‘We should give it a try, sir.’ Sam offered her hand and he helped her to her feet. She lurched ominously and Jack reacted swiftly, picking her up.

‘I’m fine.’ Sam protested, even as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

‘OK, I’ll take Carter through and come back for you guys.’ Jack said, ignoring her, his arms tightening around her.

Daniel nodded.

‘I believe that would be wise.’ Teal’c said.

‘Sir.’ Sam tried to protest again.

Jack turned back to the wall. ‘You might want to close your eyes, Carter.’ He closed his and stepped through again.

‘Ow.’ Sam’s voice had him opening his eyes cautiously. She was wincing under the bright lights.

‘Sorry. I forgot to warn you.’ Jack said as he lowered carefully to the floor. ‘I’ll go get the guys.’ He took a step away from her and looked back. She was looking at the consoles with glee. ‘Carter?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Don’t touch anything.’ Jack warned. He spun on his heel and walked back through to the corridor before she could deny his charge.

‘You guys ready?’ Jack asked, taking in the packed rucksacks that they had slung over their shoulders.

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c held out his hand.

Daniel smirked and held out his.

Jack scowled. ‘Fine. Let’s get this over with.’ He clasped their hands. ‘On three. One, two, three.’

They stepped through and into the control room.

‘Wow.’ Daniel’s head swivelled from side to side. ‘This place is incredible.’

Jack let go of his companions’ hands with more haste than grace. ‘OK. So we’re all through the wall. Now what?’

‘Well, the answer to stopping this Doomsday machine has to be in here somewhere, right?’ Daniel said, gesticulating at the various consoles.

‘If you say so, Daniel.’ Jack said rubbing a hand through his hair. ‘What do we need to do?’

‘You need to initialise the systems, sir.’ Sam advised as she hoisted herself to her feet using the edge of one of the metal consoles. ‘That way Daniel and I can work on them.’

‘Daniel.’ Jack corrected. ‘You need to rest, Carter.’

‘Sir.’

‘Jack’s right.’ Daniel said. ‘I mean, until we know which of these consoles we need, you should rest.’

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c lined up beside Jack.

Sam glared at them. ‘I’m fine, Colonel.’

‘You’re not fine.’ Jack shot back, deciding to ignore the rank issue. ‘You have a major concussion and you need rest.’

Her defiant gaze clashed with his but he wasn’t backing down. She needed rest.

‘Sam,’ Daniel moved forward and took her hands in his. ‘We are absolutely going to need you later to understand how to stop this. If you get too tired now…’ he shrugged.

‘Daniel’s right.’ Jack said supportively. He held her disappointed gaze. ‘We need you to save our butts later. Get some rest.’

Sam nodded reluctantly.

‘Teal’c, why don’t you help her get settled?’ Jack suggested.

The Jaffa inclined his head in agreement. Jack watched for a moment as Carter grudgingly accepted help before he dragged himself back to the problem at hand. He caught Daniel’s eyes and jerked his head at a far corner. The two men gathered together at a console.

Daniel looked at him, his blue eyes shining with worry. ‘Sam keeps calling you Colonel, Jack.’ He glanced toward her. ‘I don’t think she even knows she’s doing it.’

‘I know, Daniel.’ Jack put a hand on his shoulder. ‘The sooner we do this, the sooner we get her home.’

Daniel nodded.

Jack slipped into one of the bucket seats by a console. ‘So what do I do? Think at it?’

‘You just touch it.’ Daniel said.

Jack raised his eyebrows but he laid his hands on the console. It buzzed and flickered to life. The monitor sprang up filled with data.

‘Fascinating.’ Daniel murmured as he scrolled through the text. ‘This is some kind of log.’

‘Of the Doomsday machine?’ Jack checked impatiently.

‘No.’ Daniel shook his head. He pushed his glasses up. ‘This isn’t it.’

Jack wheeled the chair to the next console.

‘Jack.’ Daniel protested, gesticulating at the monitor wildly. ‘This could be important.’

‘Is it the Doomsday machine?’ Jack asked again brusquely, he was already placing his hands on the second console.

‘No, but…’

‘But nothing, Daniel.’ Jack interrupted, motioning for the archaeologist to move his butt. ‘You can play around all you want once we save the world again.’

‘Right.’ Daniel moved back to Jack’s side.

They were almost a third of the way around the consoles when they found it. It was inconspicuous; a small monitor on its own between two larger consoles. The monitor flickered into life. A planet appeared on the screen with a data stream of information on the right hand side.

‘I think this is it.’ Daniel peered at the data intently, his nose practically on top of the screen.

‘You think?’ Jack checked sceptically. Daniel had thought the same thing two consoles back. They had spent ten minutes with it before they had realised it was the wrong one.

‘No, no, I’m sure.’ Daniel nodded enthusiastically. ‘This is it.’

‘OK,’ Jack sighed in relief. ‘That’s…’

‘Although…’ Daniel frowned.

‘Daniel.’ Jack said warningly.

‘No, no, this is it.’ Daniel nodded again. ‘I’m sure.’

‘You’re sure?’ Jack asked caustically.

‘I’m sure.’ Daniel said.

Jack glared at him. He pointed at the screen. ‘So, how do we stop this thing?’

‘I’m not sure.’ Daniel said.

‘You’re not sure?’ Jack frowned.

‘I’m not sure.’ Daniel pushed Jack subtly out of the way. ‘This might take some time.’

Jack left Daniel to it. He stretched easing the kinks and aches from his muscles before he walked back to where Teal’c had situated Carter. She was tucked into one sleeping bag with another had been placed on the floor below her to provide extra comfort. Her head rested on a rolled up jacket.

The Jaffa rose from the floor with a fluidity that Jack envied. ‘Colonel Carter is sleeping.’ Teal’c said. His tone suggested that Jack would be unwise if he woke her.

‘Good.’ Jack responded. ‘She probably needs the rest.’

‘You should also rest, O’Neill.’ Teal’c looked at him kindly.

Jack would have argued but he couldn’t deny the tiredness that had his head pounding and his body aching.

‘Sleep.’ Teal’c advised. ‘I will wake you when Daniel Jackson finds something to report.’

‘Right.’ Jack patted his friend’s muscular arm. He unpacked another sleeping bag and used it to cushion the hard floor. He settled close to Carter.

He closed his eyes. He knew he could do with the rest; he was tired. He had stayed in shape when he’d been at the SGC but the regime in Washington was already beginning to take its toll. He really wasn’t in good enough shape to be fighting Unas and running around Ancient cities. Maybe that was one of the reasons why he was irked at the idea of Daniel going to Atlantis – maybe he was envious. He and Daniel had started their Stargate adventure together; taken down Ra together; liberated Abydos together. Now Daniel was going to head away on his own, continue the adventure without Jack.

Jack hated the idea. The jealousy was part of it but he was also worried that he wouldn’t be around to watch Daniel’s back, rescue him when he got into trouble. Not that Daniel was the same naïve archaeologist that Jack had first known but Jack hated the idea that he wouldn’t be around for Daniel if he needed him. But he couldn’t blame the other man for wanting to go. Daniel had found the lost city of Atlantis. It was an archaeological discovery of the century – millennium even. He deserved to be the one exploring the city.

When the expedition had first set out, Jack had refused to let Daniel go because they hadn’t known if the expedition would ever make it home. As much as no-one had liked to say it, the members of that first team had been expendable – even Elizabeth Weir. It was to her credit that she had moulded a team out of some of the rather odd characters that had gone to Atlantis in some difficult circumstances. With travel between Atlantis and Earth assured with the Daedalus there was no reason why Daniel couldn’t fulfil his dream and Jack knew he shouldn’t stand in the way of that. He was going to miss him though. At least Carter hadn’t decided to go to Atlantis too…

He opened his eyes and looked at her. Her face was pale and tense, faint lines marking her skin around the corners of her lips and eyes even in sleep. Her lips were bloodless; a pale pink that worried Jack. The bruises stood out in stark relief. Her breathing was laboured and he figured her ribs must be hurting her. She had been through so much, Jack thought anxiously. He knew her head injury was worsening; the fact that she kept lapsing into calling him Colonel was a worrying sign.

Mission first, Jack told himself. They had to find a way to stop the Doomsday machine. Once they did that, they could find a way home and get Carter some medical help.

A wave of resentment ran through him. He turned over to lie on his back and stared at the ceiling. He could hear Teal’c and Daniel quietly murmuring around the Doomsday console. He closed his eyes and rested an arm over his face to block out more of the light.

He was tired of putting the mission first, Jack realised. He had been ready to retire; to move on with his life…instead he was stuck in a job he didn’t want – one that needed to be done, sure – but one that kept him from spending time with the only people who mattered to him and one in particular.

Jack repressed the sigh that threatened to escape his lips. He rubbed at his chest to soothe the tightness there. He had promised Carter he would always be there for her and he hadn’t meant just as her friend or her team-mate. While he stood by his original decision after her father’s death to give her time, he was beginning to question why he hadn’t asked her out the minute he had technically moved out of her chain of command. The idea that he simply feared changing their relationship as Teal’c had inferred seemed incredible to him but he was wondering if it wasn’t true; if he hadn’t used the physical distance of his new assignment to hide from his real fears about whether he was good enough for her. It was no wonder Carter was questioning whether it was too late for them.

Was it too late?

The question hit Jack squarely in the face. He lowered his arm and looked over at Carter. She was badly injured and he was scared, deep down scared that she wasn’t going to survive the mission. More than that, he wasn’t sure if any of them were going to survive the mission. Even if they stopped the Doomsday machine, they all still had to find a way off the planet. They would do it, Jack determined forcefully. They would complete their mission and they would all get home safely. That was the only acceptable outcome for him.

And when they did get home…well, Jack considered nervously, maybe Teal’c was right; maybe all change was not to be feared. He stretched out a hand toward Carter and curled his fingers gently around hers, careful of her bandages. He closed his eyes and slid into sleep.

Continued in Part VIII.