Fanfiction: Broken Wings, Chapter 16

[rachel500]

For author's note and disclaimer see Chapter 1

Cam woke in a rush of something akin to panic. His heart was beating crazily; thumping against his ribcage; his breaths were pants that echoed in his ears. He sat abruptly and tried to orientate himself in the dark of the den. He was stretched out on the sofa; a blanket was tangled around his legs, pooled in a heavy swathe across his hips. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, across his forehead. It came away slick with sweat.

'You OK?' Daniel asked sleepily from his place on the floor. He'd made a nest of blankets and a sleeping bag. There was enough grey light seeping in through the gap in the drapes to illuminate his face; a pale oval of white in amongst the dark shadows.

'I'm fine.' Cam managed, realising Daniel was waiting for a reply. 'Didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.' He shoved at the blanket and managed to dislodge it. He swung his legs off the sofa and sat hunched over, trying to regain his breath. He was barely aware of Daniel moving until his friend sat beside him, wrapped in his sleeping bag and blinking blearily because he wasn't wearing his glasses.

'Sorry.' Cam slumped back against the sofa cushions. It wasn't enough that the day was going to be humiliating enough, Cam just had to freak out before it had even started. He was glad Teal'c had decided to go with Ronon to Kansas City to meet up with the advance team.

It was all part of the plan. Cam let his mind run through the details. John had been placed in command by Sam as soon as they had briefed her and Cam didn't have too many problems with that. Cam knew himself that he was too close to the situation to make objective decisions and he trusted John.

John's first order of business had to bring in a team from Atlantis in a puddle jumper to head to Kansas City and get everything set up there; Rodney had gone with them along with Ronon and Teal'c. They were keeping track of the Lucien Alliance team, and wiring up the venue where Cam would meet Amy. Vala and Teyla were staying with his parents. John, Cam and Daniel would travel to Kansas City; Cam to meet with Amy and for the trap and counter-trap to be sprung.

And hope they all didn't get killed.

Daniel nudged Cam's knee with his own. 'It's OK not to be OK.'

Cam did a reasonable impression of Teal'c, lifting an eyebrow and casting a disbelieving look in Daniel's direction.

'It's four o'clock in the morning,' Daniel said tiredly, huddling into his sleeping bag, 'my powers to construct sentences may not be at their zenith.'

'Oh, I didn't know, Jackson,' Cam drawled, amused despite everything, 'only you could use a word like zenith at four o'clock in the morning.'

'I think Rodney might give it a go.' Daniel said dryly.

'Yes but I understand when you use words.' Cam replied. McKay's speech was an avalanche of technobabble.

Daniel blinked and refocused on Cam. 'Just as well Sheppard understands him. They make a good team.'

'They do.' Cam agreed. The two men had their push and pull down to a fine art; the instinctive knowledge of when the other had hit a problem, when to step in and take over, when to hold back and support. It had been impressive; maybe even a little awe-inspiring particularly the number of popular culture references they could cram into explaining things to each other. The planning had been pretty much the two of them hammering out the big picture with the rest of them adding the fine detail. It was a good plan. It might even work.

'It's not surprising that they know each other so well,' Daniel murmured, 'they've been working together for a long time – longer than us.'

That hadn't occurred to Cam and it settled the brief flashes of jealousy he'd experienced through the day because he'd thought he and his team had a rhythm but it wasn't quite as smooth as John's with Rodney.

'You don't mind, um, not having the command?' Daniel asked tentatively.

Cam shrugged; a mere shift of his shoulders against the soft fabric of the cushions. 'Sam's right; I'm too close and John knows his men better.'

'You know SG1 better.' Daniel pointed out.

'I think John can handle us.' Cam said, flushed with pleasure at Daniel's comment. 'He commands an entire city in the middle of enemy territory, and we might be bad but we're not that bad.'

'You trust him.' Daniel observed.

'I do.' Cam said simply.

'Because he's a pilot?' Daniel asked.

Cam turned his head to look at him. Daniel looked back at him with nothing but curiosity creasing his brow and widening his eyes. 'Maybe at first,' Cam admitted honestly, 'but mainly because he's a friend now.' He was grateful for the dark hiding his flushed cheeks at the self-conscious admission.

Daniel's lips did a strange twist.

Cam frowned. 'You don't trust him?'

'In the abstract, I trust him. I mean, he's very good at what he does, and I know he played a large part in saving me when I visited Atlantis.' Daniel said. 'But, no; I don't trust him like you do.'

Cam made a hum of acknowledgement. A chill had him folding his arms over his chest and rubbing his upper arms to warm them. Daniel tsked at him and reached across to cover Cam with a blanket. He was kind of tucking it into Cam's side and Cam was half-amused by the almost parental move when Daniel cleared his throat.

'I trust you.'

For a second, Cam didn't know what to say to Daniel's quiet comment. They didn't talk about their friendship as a rule. 'Well, you kind of have to, Jackson. I'm your team leader.'

'Maybe at first,' Daniel smiled at him, 'but mainly because, you know, you're my friend now.'

Cam's unaccountably touched; a rush of delight, pride and smug pleasure filled him. He'd thought he was over wanting and needing the approval of his team-mates but maybe he wasn't; maybe he never had been. He nudged Daniel's knee with his own. 'Me too, Daniel.'

He was satisfied when Daniel nudged him back. He knew the other man would notice the unusual use of his first name too; they usually stuck to their surnames – buddy rules they'd silently worked out in the early days of working together.

They sat in the quiet for a while. Cam tracked the shadows across the ceiling; the thin light getting brighter in the window.

'We should probably get back to sleep.' Daniel said after a while. 'Big day.'

Cam sighed. He couldn't say he was looking forward to it. It was going to be excruciatingly embarrassing talking to Amy with everyone listening in to every word. It had been bad enough setting up the meeting.

'I don't know what to say to her.' What a difference a week made, Cam thought with rueful amusement, because maybe he was beginning to understand why he didn't want to talk to his team-mates and maybe he was still scared but he thought it would be OK.

'If you didn't have all of us listening in, didn't have the threat of the Lucien Alliance hanging over your head,' Daniel said softly, 'what would you say to her then?'

'That I didn't want to change my life for her.' Cam rested his head back on the cushions and stared sightlessly up at the ceiling, focusing on a familiar smear of paint.

'What did she want you to change?' Daniel asked. He sounded outraged and protective on Cam's behalf; a benediction that soothed Cam's turbulent feelings and ragged thoughts.

'Nothing.' Cam admitted with a short, humourless laugh. 'That was the problem. She didn't want me to change and I didn't want to change. Aren't you supposed to want to change things when you, uh, you're in love?'

'Are you?' Daniel countered reasonably. 'Don't we, I mean society, all talk about how if you love someone you shouldn't want to change them?'

'Sure, nobody should want to change you but shouldn't you want to change things to be with them?' Cam argued back. 'Hell, you gave up your entire planet to be with your wife.' He winced because there was kind of unspoken rule that nobody talked about Sha're unless Daniel brought up the subject himself.

'Honestly, it wasn't the big romantic gesture that it sounds like.' Daniel said almost apologetically. 'There wasn't anything for me on Earth when I went to Abydos the first time.' He sighed. 'Sometimes, I wonder if I…if I'd managed to save her three, four years into the programme, what choice I would have made when there was a real choice to make.'

Cam was silent. He had no clue what to say.

'And then I remember,' Daniel continued, 'that it wouldn't have been me making a choice; it would have been us; Sha're and I, together.'

'See, I think that's what bothered me; there was never an 'us' making a choice. There was me feeling like I should make a choice and not wanting to.' Cam sighed because he knew there was more to the 'should' and the 'not wanting to' but there were some truths he wasn't ready to face. 'I felt trapped.'

Daniel made a sympathetic noise. 'Well, when you think about it, the relationship was constructed or encouraged by the Lucien Alliance for the sole purpose of trapping you so maybe you subconsciously suspected something all along.'

'I don't think so,' Cam laughed, 'I'm not that perceptive, Daniel.'

'You don't give yourself enough credit sometimes, Cameron.' Daniel replied seriously. He patted Cam's arm through the layer of blanket.

He was momentarily disconcerted by the use of his first name but appreciated the gesture. 'Not about this.' Cam said tiredly. 'I think it's more likely that I've spent the last year being an idiot. Not talking to you guys, not talking to Amy, not being honest with myself.'

'Are you being honest now?' Daniel asked bluntly.

'I'm getting there.' Cam replied. 'I think…I know there's more stuff I need to work through.'

'Maybe tomorrow will help.' Daniel clambered to his feet, still wrapped in the sleeping bag. 'Get some sleep.'

Cam nodded and he stretched back out, rearranging the blanket over his body until he was warm and comfortable. He fell asleep with the thought that maybe everything was going to be OK.

It was a thought that stayed with him through his morning routine. Cam was left alone with his father at the breakfast table after John disappeared to check in with the team in Kansas City, Daniel left to pack, and Vala and Teyla went inside to help Cam's Mom with the clean-up.

The sun was shining; the air was scented with grass, dirt and the lingering aroma of bacon. Cam picked up his coffee and breathed in the bitterness before taking an appreciative sip. He changed position, resting his back against the table and letting his legs stretch out in front of him.

'You're going to continue your flying trip after…today?'

His parents knew something was going to happen related to why they had Vala and Teyla staying with them; they just didn't know what.

'That's the plan.' Cam nodded. He and John had discussed their next location the previous evening.

His Dad smiled at him. 'John's a good man.'

'Yes, he is.' Cam agreed, pleased with his father's approval of his friend.

His Dad looked momentarily uncertain but he leaned forward with obvious intent. 'Is the trip helping him as much as it's helping you?'

'I hope so.' Cam answered seriously, not really surprised that his Dad had picked up on John's inner demons. His Dad had always been great at seeing through the masks people wore to the truth.

His Dad sat back. 'You should bring him back before he leaves for wherever it is he's based.' And the wink that accompanied his words meant his Dad hadn't been oblivious to the few indiscreet stumbles on the cover story that had happened around the dinner table.

'I'll try.' Cam said and meant it.

'You seem better.' His Dad said quietly.

'I'm doing better.' Cam's fingers interlaced around the ceramic and warmed with the last of the heat of his coffee leeching through. 'You were right about me being unhappy; about it being more than just Amy.'

His Dad nodded but he didn't press for details and Cam was glad. He still wasn't ready to share them or to spell them out in his own head.

John walked out and gestured at him, an apologetic smile aimed towards Cam's Dad for interrupting and what he was about to say. 'We should get going.'

Cam slid a look in his Dad's direction and pushed away from the table. He clasped his Dad's shoulder briefly on his way into the house, leaving John alone with him.

The goodbyes were a flurry of hugs, wishes of good luck and worried faces. Cam spent the drive to Kansas City going over the plan details with John and Daniel. John checked in with McKay who was stationed in the puddle jumper overseeing all the technical aspects of the mission. There was a part of Cam which was never going to be comfortable with thinking that a meeting with his ex-fiancée was deemed a mission.

The Lucien Alliance advance team Vanoit and Hargreaves had apparently arrived at the coffee shop that the SGC had taken over, planting Marines in the kitchen and waiting the tables. Hargreaves was the Alliance's technical team because the surveillance equipment they'd already planted – microphones and security cameras – was jammed and McKay confirmed over their headsets that they'd jammed the Asgard beam-out technology. McKay was working on a solution to both issues. He and John traded easy insults about Mission Impossible.

By the time they arrived at the airport – ostensibly to keep up the cover of a team get-together over the weekend and to go through the pretence of dropping Daniel off to take a flight home before Cam and John returned to their vacation – Cam was so tense that he was sure his dentist was going to lecture fairly extensively about grinding teeth at his next check-up.

Daniel grabbed his bag from the trunk. He was going to enter the airport, exit through a side-entrance and get into the cloaked puddle jumper if everything went to plan. He shook hands with John. 'Keep him safe.'

Cam was surprised but John accepted the order with a brisk nod.

'Try not to murder Rodney.' John replied with equal seriousness.

Daniel nodded and turned to Cam as John headed back to the driver's seat. Before Cam could say anything, Daniel stepped up and hugged him.

'No running off on your own. You trust him, remember.' Daniel said before he pulled back. He was gone before Cam could muster up a protest.

Just because he'd run off a couple of times, Cam mused, partly irked by the admonishment and partly touched. He got back in the car.

'Ready?' John asked. He looked good in a grey t-shirt, jeans and a dark grey blazer that covered his shoulder holster. Cam had gone with jeans, navy t-shirt, leather jacket; his gun was tucked away in a holster at the small of his back.

Cam checked the time. They were right on schedule. He and John had agreed that it wouldn't be unusual for them to turn up early. Cam had told Amy that he'd be bringing a friend. Amy had sounded concerned but not worried. Cam took Amy's behaviour as evidence that Amy was only acting on suggestions from Lucy; that she was just an unwitting pawn in the Alliance's game. But John had been firm that they should assume Amy was brainwashed; it was the worst case scenario but a real possibility.

'Are you two going to sit in the car all day or are we doing this?' McKay's strident question blared into their ears.

John tapped his earpiece. 'We're going to sit in the car all day.' He answered back although whatever words had been said out loud, 'what crawled up your ass?' was actually what was conveyed by his tone. His next question though revealed he probably knew the answer to that. 'Have you got Daniel?'

'Yes, we have Daniel.' McKay replied tightly. 'We are on our way back to the coffee shop.' The cloaked puddle jumper would sit on the roof with Daniel and McKay inside.

'Have you…'

'We have surveillance back online.' McKay said. 'But there isn't a way around the beam-out jamming without taking out their laptop.'

'That could be an option if things didn't go to plan.' John replied. 'The guy's sitting in the coffee shop working on it, right?'

'Right because shooting things is always the way to go.' McKay said morosely.

'Correct your course, Rodney.' John returned sweetly.

'How did you…' McKay spluttered.

And Cam joined McKay in wondering if John knew that McKay was wandering off course in the puddle jumper because he could sense the Ancient tech with his mind or whether he simply knew the scientist that well.

'What about their people?' John asked, keeping them all focused.

'The French woman is still at another table. And we've got the last guy sitting in a car outside. Keene and Jameson have been spotted with Amy.'

John started the car and, with a glance in the mirrors, pulled into the stream of traffic. 'What about Lovell and the seventh guy?'

'Lovell's not in play as far as we can tell, and the seventh is definitely out of the country.' McKay answered smartly. 'Sam tracked the phone number to the middle of no-where. We think they're on a boat and moving. Homeworld is trying to get the location locked down.'

So they could blow it up, Cam thought idly. He could go with that plan.

'Our people?' John checked.

'They are in position.' Daniel answered. 'We're landing on the roof of the coffee shop so we'll be in position in a moment too.'

Cam figured landing took all McKay's attention and Daniel had stepped in.

'We're almost there.' John said. 'ETA ten minutes.'

'Bet you're wishing you had a puddle jumper now.' McKay gloated.

John hummed under his breath. 'You parked her at an angle again, didn't you, Rodney?'

There was silence at the other end of the connection.

'There is no way you know that for certain.' McKay huffed out indignantly.

John grinned. 'Sheppard out.' He tapped his ear-piece and Cam did the same.

'How do you know?' Cam asked bluntly.

'He always parks her at an angle,' John demonstrated with one hand, 'unless he kind of crash lands and parks her straight by accident.'

'And you park her straight all the time?' Cam asked amused.

John shot a smile in his direction. 'I fly the puddle jumper with my mind, Mitchell.'

OK, so John always parked her straight. Cam had a feeling John would do so without the mind control.

'Are you going to be OK with Amy's questions and us listening in?'

Cam stiffened at the question but he knew why John had asked it and he'd do the same in his position. 'I think so.'

'When I, uh…' John lifted a hand from the steering wheel and made an awkward gesture, 'did this whole, you know, with, um, Nancy, I found not saying anything was an option.'

Nancy must be John's ex, Cam mused. 'A good option?'

'She didn't hit me.'

Cam smiled and something in him eased. He knew what John was not saying; that if anything got too uncomfortable, Cam could keep quiet.

They found a parking spot across the street. Before they left the car they tapped their ear-pieces back on and did a communications check. They were on an obscure channel which McKay had come up with. Everything worked. Their people were all in place.

It was time.

Chapter 17