Fanfiction: Real Illusions

[rachel500]

Fandom: Stargate SG1
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S4 Beneath the Surface
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Sam/Jack UST.  Team friendship.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  Written for entertainment purposes only.

 

Real Illusions

Chaos.

The gate room was in chaos.

People in orange filled every space, clashing with the green fatigues of the gate room security officers and the blue of the Air Force officers trying to maintain order as the wormhole continued to disgorge more people. Janet Fraiser caught sight of Teal’c helping one of the refugees and felt a tremor of relief run through her; SG1 was back.

‘Airman!’ She ordered loudly, assessing the situation quickly. ‘Start organising these people in groups of twenty. Take them to isolation rooms 1-Alpha through 10.’

‘Yes, ma’am.’

The harried looking XO in the middle of the room shot her a grateful smile. ‘Thank you, Doctor Fraiser.’

‘Protocol Beta-Two, sir.’ Janet reminded him. ‘You’ll need to assign security teams to watch the refugees until my staff can confirm they’re not Goa’uld.’

He nodded and moved away, pushing through the crowds to follow the protocol, issue the orders and presumably to recall General Hammond to the base.

Janet’s attention was already elsewhere. She shoved through the press of people to the ramp and the man walking down it, his arm solicitously around an injured woman. Janet recognised the method used to tie the sling from basic field training. She marched up the ramp already taking in details of her patient as she went; the pale skin, the slight sheen of sweat on the upper lip and the wide stare. The woman was in pain and suffering from shock, Janet diagnosed briskly.

‘Doctor Jackson, what happened?’ Janet asked the tall archaeologist standing next to the woman even as her hands reached to gently coax the woman into showing her the bloody upper arm being supported by the sling. Her brown eyes flickered back to him when she didn’t receive a reply. She frowned at the blank look gazing back at her. ‘Daniel?’

‘Uh, sorry.’ Daniel blinked at her rapidly, a line appearing between his brows as he tried to focus on her. ‘Doctor Fraiser.’

She wondered why the way he formed her name was almost a question. She nodded anyway.

‘Brenna was shot.’ Daniel said quickly.

‘I see that.’ Janet waved one of her medics over. ‘Take her straight to the infirmary.’ She paused to squeeze Brenna’s hand reassuringly. ‘You’re going to be fine. We’ll get you patched up in no time.’

The sudden sound of the wormhole disengaging caught everybody’s attention and Janet smiled as the remaining members of SG1, Colonel Jack O’Neill and Major Samantha Carter, made their way down the ramp. She wrenched her gaze away from Sam’s new hairstyle and turned back to Daniel.

‘And how are you?’ Janet said, placing a hand on Daniel’s arm. She absently noticed that the refugees were finally being herded out of the gate room.

‘I don’t know.’ Daniel admitted hesitantly. He looked back at Sam and Jack with a curious expression.

‘Doctor Fraiser.’ Teal’c made a small bow as he came to a halt beside her. ‘I believe all of SG1 requires your immediate attention.’

Janet wondered why; she could see tiredness and hardship in their tense faces and they all looked like they needed a good meal but none of them seemed physically injured. Still, she nodded her head. If Teal’c felt they needed attention, she wasn’t going to argue with the Jaffa. ‘Follow me.’

Jack cleared his throat. ‘Where’s the General?’

‘I finally convinced him to go home three hours ago. He’d been here since you went missing.’ Janet said wryly. She led the way to the elevator and commandeered it. ‘I’m sure Sergeant Harriman will have called him.’

‘Ah.’ Jack shuffled in his place at the back of the elevator.

‘You really had us worried this time, sir.’ Janet commented, shoving her hands into the deep pockets of her white medical coat.

‘Cassie.’ Sam blurted out abruptly.

Janet glanced over at her in surprise at the mention of her adopted daughter.

Sam gestured awkwardly at her. ‘I just…is Cassie…I mean, does she know we were…?’

‘She knows you were MIA.’ Janet confirmed, bemused. ‘You know we agreed not to hide the truth from her.’

‘Right.’ Sam muttered, dropping her gaze to the floor of the elevator.

Janet stared at her for a moment. Something was wrong. Sam sounded uncertain as though she didn’t remember. The elevator stopped and Janet stepped through the opening doors. She glanced back as she held the doors open and her eyes widened as she saw Jack shift almost imperceptibly and brush Sam’s fingers with his own, and Sam’s answering sad smile. It all happened so fleetingly, and their faces resumed their usual professional masks so fast that Janet found herself wondering if she had actually seen anything at all.

They filed past her and Janet forced herself to follow them into the usual treatment room. She watched as they took their places on the four beds that were set out. She nodded at the nurses to begin the usual tests.

Janet snapped on a clean pair of thin medical gloves and made her way to the SG1 team leader first. ‘You want to fill me in on what happened, Colonel?’ Her hands reached up to feel his neck, her eyes already tracking the skin for Goa’uld entry marks. No entry marks, she recorded absently, reaching for her penlight.

Jack’s head jerked at the brightness directed at his eyes. ‘You know the usual, Doc. We went to the planet, got our memories erased, escaped.’ He shrugged. ‘The usual.’

She took a step back and crossed her arms. Her sombre gaze took in all of the members of SG1. ‘You want to go back to the part where you got your memories erased?’ It certainly explained the odd things she’d noticed; Daniel’s hesitation on the ramp, Sam’s confusion about Cassie…

‘More like blocked.’ Sam spoke up. Her voice and face were calm but her fingers were pleating the sheet.

‘They called it a memory stamp.’ Daniel supplied. He stood leaning against his bed; his arms tightly wrapped around his torso. ‘It temporarily made us forget; gave us false memories. We thought we were someone else.’

‘They messed with our heads.’ Jack said succinctly. Janet resisted the urge to take another step back at the blast of anger that flickered in and out of his eyes. She knew it wasn’t aimed at her.

‘I believe the supervisor called Brenna may be able to assist in providing more information about the procedure.’ Teal’c added.

‘Brenna?’ Janet queried.

‘The, uh, woman with the gunshot wound.’ Daniel rubbed at his upper arms.

‘I’ll talk with her.’ Janet agreed. ‘How are your memories now?’ She reached for a clipboard and began to take notes.

Jack shrugged. ‘Oh, it’s all coming back. All of it.’ There was a hint of pain in Jack’s rough voice and Janet figured he’d remembered his son’s death.

‘Me too.’ Sam said quickly. She looked equally disturbed and Janet wondered whether she had recalled her experience with Jolinar.

‘It’s patchy though.’ Daniel said honestly. ‘I could remember you when you came up to me on the ramp but it took me a minute to recall your name.’

‘I am fine, Doctor Fraiser.’ Teal’c said firmly. ‘My memory has fully returned.’

‘OK.’ Janet sighed. ‘Well, we’ll do a full CAT scan and MRI set and I’m going to need to restrict you to the infirmary for observation.’ She ignored the Colonel’s muttered protest and scribbled the orders onto the relevant forms before she handed them off to a nurse.

She noticed a doctor standing in the doorway motioning at her and sighed. ‘I have to go organise the testing of the refugees. I’ll be back to continue your physical exams.’ Janet promised. ‘Why don’t you shower and change? Try to relax.’

o-O-o

Try to relax. Sam wondered how she did that. As if he had read her thoughts, Jack snorted in disbelief, drawing her attention. He shrugged apologetically.

‘I’m going to shower.’ Sam announced into the awkward silence. She hurried down the corridor and into the female shower. She stripped and her eyes caught on the image in the mirror. She shivered and she knew she should move to the warmth of the shower, but she was absorbed by her reflection, at the changes wrought in the few weeks she had been Thera and not Sam.

Her body was thinner; the muscles were toned to whipcord intensity; she could see her ribs and she traced them absently with her fingers. Thera had never gotten her share of food and she refused to take Jonah’s more often than not – he had needed it just as much. Her face was thinner too, Sam mused. Her blue eyes stared back at her. She didn’t try hiding the emotions that bubbled through her.

Regret.

Loss.

Confusion as her mind tried to assimilate her new memories of Thera with the old memories of Sam, and even of Jolinar.

Sam’s hand moved over her hair trembling. She had just achieved a smooth blonde bob before the mission. She hadn’t been certain it completely suited her but she had enjoyed the length. She could try to fool herself with all the reasons she had pretended about why she’d grown it; that she had wanted a change; that she no longer needed to be so bullish about being a girl in a man’s world but she was tired of illusions. Truthfully, she had began growing it because she had secretly hoped Jack would be more attracted to her if she looked more feminine. Of course that had been after Edora and her realisation she loved him.

They’d hacked it, Sam thought with a sharp pang of horror. She looked like a scarecrow. How could anyone find her attractive now? She looked a mess. Jonah had, a voice whispered in her head. Jonah wasn’t Jack though. Jack was her commanding officer and their friendship – their entire relationship – was constrained by that. Jonah had been her equal in the power plant and he had truly been her friend without any reservations or complications. He had stood up for her; supported her; comforted her. Jonah had been a hair’s breadth away from becoming her lover…

Pain shot through her.

They had to go back to being Jack and Sam; Colonel and Major. Had to go back to watching how much they smiled at each other; how much they talked; how much they touched. No simple, uncomplicated friendship. No sweet kisses that promised more…she had lost that and suddenly the knowledge that she had, was more than Sam could bear. She stumbled into the shower, her hands fumbling for the controls as she hurriedly turned the water on full blast. She turned her face up to the cascade and let the first sob escape her lips.

Jonah didn’t exist; Jack did.

Thera didn’t exist; she did.

Everything had been an illusion; nothing more than a façade. But that wasn’t true, she thought suddenly. She stilled under the flowing water. Their identities might have been faked but their feelings hadn’t been.

Maybe Jonah was truly part of Jack.

Maybe Thera was truly part of her.

The parts of them that loved each other; the parts they had locked away in a room because they couldn’t risk the mission, the team or their own careers by feeling feelings.

She wrapped her arms around her middle. Maybe what they’d had wasn’t an illusion at all but the absolute honest truth. Maybe the real illusion was pretending they didn’t love each other every day. And maybe, Sam contemplated with a heavy heart, that was the saddest thing of all…

o-O-o

God.

Sam hadn’t even looked at him as she’d left. Jack tried not to feel hurt. He knew she had to distance herself from him just like he had to distance himself from her because they weren’t Jonah and Thera. They were Sam and Jack. They had a military relationship. There were ranks and regulations between them not to mention duty and honour.

Bullshit.

It all felt like bullshit.

‘We should probably do the same.’ Daniel murmured, jumping down from his bed.

Jack fell into step beside him and vaguely noticed Teal’c following. The male showers in the infirmary were empty apart from the three of them and Jack was relieved at the relative privacy. There was silence while they stripped the uniform of the power plant and entered the cubicles.

The shower was hot; hotter than the water provided in the communal showers of the power plant. Jack grabbed the soap and began scrubbing his skin, trying to wash out the scent and grime of their captivity; trying if he was honest to wash away the memories of his time there because buried in them he now knew how it would feel to love Sam openly and completely.

Jack knew he had to forget it or at least lock it away deep in the recesses of his mind with his memories of the time loops when he had kissed her. What had happened between Jonah and Thera couldn’t be allowed to change things even if some part of him desperately wanted it to change. SG1 were a team, a good team, one that was vital to defeating the Goa’uld; he truly believed that and he knew Sam did too. And she deserved to flourish in her career and he couldn’t – wouldn’t – stand in the way of that. No matter how much he didn’t want to lose her back to the regulations, he loved her too much to stand in her way; he wanted her to be happy. Jonah and Thera had been happy together, a small voice in his head commented. Thera wasn’t Sam, he shot back forcefully, and besides, Jonah and Thera didn’t have a war to fight. It was just them, feeling feelings.

His lips twisted. He remembered the conversation when he had foolishly reassured her that no matter what was wrong with their memories he remembered feeling feelings; the underlying message that they would be together no matter what. He remembered the sweet kiss that had followed; the first they’d shared during their time there. He’d been too scared of frightening her off before that; of ruining his special friendship with the sparky blonde engineer who brightened his dark existence with her smile. But in the aftermath of the feeling feelings discussion, it had felt right. In fact, it had felt perfect but they had stopped unwilling to risk doing anything more in the semi-public place they had been curled up in. He thanked God for small mercies that they hadn’t gone further given the reality but he could still remember the taste of her lips, the shape of her body as she pressed against him and the softness of her skin under his fingers, and God help him he didn’t want to forget it.

He stopped and sagged against the cubicle wall, bracing himself with one arm as his head bowed and he stared at the water draining away in an endless stream. He heard the other showers switching off; quiet murmurs as Daniel and Teal’c dressed in the scrub pyjamas provided and the soft thud of the door closing as they left. He rubbed his eyes and pretended that they stung because of the soap; that the moisture was only from the water that continued cascading over him.

o-O-o

Teal’c quietly arranged the covers on his bed and settled back against the pillows. He felt well. He was certain the deep kel no reem he had performed on the planet had eliminated whatever had been done to him but he understood Doctor Fraiser’s caution in making certain. Indeed, he mused, he agreed with it especially in regards to his team-mates. He glanced at the only other member of SG1 present in the infirmary room.

Daniel had climbed into the bed next to Teal’c’s. He was lying flat on his back staring at the ceiling. ‘Do you think we should check on Jack and Sam?’ The archaeologist began tentatively.

‘I do not.’ Teal’c believed the Air Force officers wanted and needed the time alone to readjust to their reality and replace the professional barriers that their time on the planet had removed.

‘This has got to be tough for them.’ Daniel commented.

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. There was generally an unspoken agreement not to discuss the couple’s feelings for each other. Perhaps the young man could not remember it, Teal’c mused as he remained silent.

Daniel noticed Teal’c’s surprise and gestured. ‘I didn’t mean that,’ he explained, ‘I meant getting their memories back. They’ve both been through a lot to remember.’

Teal’c regarded Daniel curiously. ‘Then, is this not tough for you also, Daniel Jackson?’

‘I guess.’ Daniel rubbed his chest as though his heart was aching. ‘I’ve remembered losing Sha’re.’ He admitted quietly.

Teal’c’s dark eyes shone with sympathy.

‘It’s just weird.’ Daniel remarked suddenly, shifting to look at Teal’c fully. ‘I mean, I remember everything about my life now as Daniel Jackson but then I have these memories where I’m Karlin, and it’s not me – he’s not me – but he is.’ He stumbled to a halt. ‘It’s confusing.’

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c had already experienced a disconcerting reconciliation of his time as Tor.

‘Is it stupid to envy him?’ Daniel murmured out loud. He flushed furiously and ducked his head. ‘Ignore me, I’m just…’ He waved a hand to complete the sentence and fell back against the pillows.

‘You and the individual known as Karlin are one and the same, Daniel Jackson.’ Teal’c pointed out gently. ‘Perhaps the physical environment of the power plant allowed the traits that defined Karlin to come to the fore.’ He paused. ‘Your move to disarm the guard in Brenna’s office was well executed.’

‘Thank you, I think.’ Daniel said dryly. ‘Maybe you’re right. Maybe Karlin is just another side to me that I don’t really embrace enough.’ He looked over at the Jaffa. ‘You know it’s just as well that the memory stamp didn’t work on you.’

‘It was most fortunate.’ Teal’c admitted, resting his head back on the pillows.

‘If you hadn’t told us to remember…’ Daniel sighed and let his voice trail away.

Teal’c looked over at him. ‘Something else is bothering you, Daniel Jackson?’

Daniel shrugged awkwardly and pushed a hand through his hair.

The Jaffa didn’t pressure him; he knew the younger man would talk when he was ready.

‘Doesn’t it bother you?’ He said eventually. ‘That we forgot that we were friends? I mean only Sam and Jack…’ he cut himself off abruptly. He fiddled with his uppermost sheet, smoothing the edge into a straight line.

‘It bothers you.’ Teal’c noted.

‘Shouldn’t it?’ Daniel said.

‘If you were to meet Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter among many others for the first time, Daniel Jackson, do you believe they are the people who you would approach first to be friends?’

‘Well, no. I mean, they’re military and…’ Daniel stopped. ‘And I’m not.’ He finished slowly. ‘I guess that’s why you stayed away from us too, after you were stamped again.’

‘A Jaffa is taught only to rely on himself.’ Teal’c’s face creased as he considered his friend’s comment. ‘As First Prime it was not wise to make friends with others.’

Teal’c could see the realisation of why they had not initially stayed close as a team dawning in the brightening of Daniel’s expression. They were all very different people and it was doubtful if they had not become SG1 whether they would have formed the bonds of friendship and family they had. He wondered if there had been another reason the archaeologist had considered given their previous mission had seen his friend at odds with their team leader on how to proceed; their usual banter had been strained at the start of the mission.

‘I believe our bonds as team-mates would have emerged eventually, Daniel Jackson.’ Teal’c stated firmly. ‘Did you not set aside your concerns to work with them to prevent an explosion?’

‘Yeah.’ Daniel nodded.

They both turned at a sound by the door.

Jack walked into the infirmary room, rubbing his silver hair with a towel. He jumped up on the bed next to Daniel and looked at the empty bed on the other side. He threw the towel down and looked back at Daniel and Teal’c. He cleared his throat. ‘Carter?’

‘She must still be in the shower.’ Daniel suggested. His eyes flickered to the clock. ‘Maybe one of us should check on her.’

‘She’s probably just enjoying the hot water, Daniel.’ Jack stretched out on the top of the bed. He crossed his legs at the ankle and placed an arm over his eyes blocking out the bright infirmary lights.

‘That’s probably it.’ Daniel agreed gently. He exchanged a worried look with Teal’c. ‘Jack.’ He began hesitantly.

‘Don’t.’ Jack shot back immediately. ‘Just don’t.’

Daniel’s eyes flew anxiously to Teal’c again and the Jaffa felt the archaeologist’s unhidden concern also start to worry at him. Perhaps it was not going to be as easy for their team-mates to reinstate the boundaries they had lost as Jonah and Thera as Teal’c had previously thought.

o-O-o

‘Please. Keep still.’ Janet begged the woman she was examining. The woman – Keegan – stilled. Janet gave a tiny sigh of relief under her breath and continued her exam.

‘Well, apart from needing a few decent meals, I think you seem healthy enough.’ Janet commented eventually. She made the notations on the file she held before pocketing the pen. ‘You can rejoin the others.’

‘What’s going to happen to us now?’ Keegan asked bluntly as she shrugged back into the ugly orange jacket. ‘There’s talk that we’re going back?’

‘I believe General Hammond has been discussing the situation with a new government on your planet. I’m sure he’ll let you know as soon as there is anything definitive.’ Janet replied politely. She stepped away but stopped as Keegan grabbed hold of her arm. She looked pointedly at the uncomfortable grip and the coffee-coloured woman flushed and dropped her hand.

‘I was…I wondered if I could see Karlin.’ Keegan explained awkwardly. There was a defensive glint in her dark eyes.

‘Karlin?’ Janet queried. She couldn’t remember the name from the list of refugees she had briefly seen. ‘Did he get separated into another group?’

‘He’s…he’s one of your people.’ Keegan said. ‘The young one with brown hair.’ Her eyes dropped to the floor. ‘We were friends.’

Understanding flashed through Janet and she shifted uncomfortable with her realisation that the physical relationship Daniel had confessed to in the examination she had performed, had been with the young woman in front of her. ‘I’ll tell him you’ve asked for him.’ She said briskly.

‘Thank you.’

The sincere gratitude made Janet feel churlish for her shortness. She hurried away and almost ran into General Hammond in the corridor.

‘Sir.’

‘Doctor,’ Hammond acknowledged her breathlessly. ‘I was just on my way to find you for an update. What’s the situation here?’

She gathered her thoughts. ‘The refugees are mainly healthy if undernourished. There’s no sign that any of them are Goa’ulds. We’re finishing the last few tests now.’

Hammond gestured at her and they began walking. ‘I’d like to start debriefing these people, understand what they want to happen next given their government’s request for them to return and work the plant as paid citizens.’

‘I don’t see a problem with that, sir.’ Janet agreed. ‘I think it would reassure them. We’ve had quite a few questions asking what will happen to them.’

Hammond nodded understandingly as they stepped into the elevator. ‘How are SG1 doing?’

It wasn’t an easy question to answer, Janet mused ruefully. ‘Their physical exams revealed the presence of some kind of chemical in the part of their brain that handles memory. It is breaking down and there was no evidence of it at all in Teal’c’s. I think it’s related to this memory stamp they mentioned.’ She repressed the urge to sigh tiredly; she hadn’t stopped for the past twelve hours and was beginning to feel it. ‘My next stop was Brenna. They believe she may have more information on what was done to them.’

‘Keep me informed.’ Hammond stated firmly. ‘And let me know when it will be possible to debrief SG1 fully.’

‘Yes, sir.’ She exited the elevator and he gave a small nod as he remained behind. She waited until the doors slid shut before she rolled her shoulders trying to dislodge the tension that had built up.

A nurse met her at the doorway of Brenna’s room and Janet briefly looked over the file she was handed detailing the medical test results and medications. She replaced the clipboard at the bottom of the bed and transferred her attention to the patient.

Brenna looked tiny in the infirmary bed, dressed in a plain hospital gown and covered in a heap of blankets. There was an IV hooked up to her good arm while her injured arm had been dressed and immobilised.

‘How are you feeling?’ Janet asked, moving to stand beside the bed.

‘Better.’ Brenna’s smile was pained. ‘Thank you.’

Janet nodded. ‘I’ve discovered an unusual chemical residue in the brains of SG1. I was hoping you’d be able to explain it.’

Brenna nodded. ‘Of course.’ She shifted position a little wincing. ‘The chemical is called Durel.’

‘Durel.’ Janet frowned.

‘It blocks any prior memories, making them inaccessible to the subject.’ Brenna said quietly.

‘Subject.’ Janet commented with disgust at the impersonal description.

‘Yes.’ Brenna flushed and avoided Janet’s eyes. ‘With the previous memory dealt with, it’s then possible to programme new memories.’

‘How?’ Janet asked.

‘There is another drug called Kepotin. It makes the…them susceptible to suggestion. They are given new identities; new memories. They are shown images; played sounds and exposed to scents to reinforce it.’

Brainwashing; Janet fought to keep her face expressionless. She realised she had failed when Brenna flushed red again and looked away in embarrassment.

‘So.’ Janet said determinedly. ‘Identities and memories. That’s all you plant in their subconscious minds?’

‘And a suggestion that it is an honour to serve; that the work is important.’ Brenna completed. ‘But that’s all.’

It was enough, Janet thought.

‘It didn’t work initially with the one you called Teal’c.’ Brenna murmured. ‘We had to increase the dosage of Durel and Kepotin to make it work at all.’

The symbiote must have neutralised the drugs, Janet mused. ‘Is there anything else you can tell me?’

Brenna shook her head. ‘Only that,’ she looked up at Janet, ‘I am sorry for what happened to your people. I tried to help them as much as I could.’ She sighed. ‘I made sure they were well treated during the procedures and I insisted that Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter were kept bonded…’

‘I’m sorry?’ Janet interrupted sharply.

Brenna sighed again. ‘Major Carter is a beautiful woman. She would have attracted the attention of some of the men in the workforce…’

‘That’s why you cut her hair.’ Janet realised out loud.

Her patient nodded. ‘It was necessary.’

‘Go on.’ Janet crossed her arms and gave her an encouraging look. ‘You were saying Major Carter would have attracted attention?’

‘Yes.’ Brenna confirmed. She grimaced. ‘I believed Colonel O’Neill would ensure her safety. When they were given their new identities, I made sure that they were implanted with the suggestion that they were already friends.’

‘Friends?’ Janet probed carefully. ‘Just friends?’ Her heart pounded as she waited for the answer. If it had been anything more…

Brenna nodded.

Janet let out a slow breath. ‘OK…’

‘Although, I think they loved each other anyway despite the memory stamp.’ Brenna smiled sadly, oblivious to Janet’s concern at her words.

Janet struggled to find her voice. She knew about Sam and Jack’s feelings for each other; she had suspected long before she had been witness to their forced confessions during the za’tarc incident. But she also knew they had no intention of acting on their feelings. If she hadn’t been certain, she would have raised the issue with the General. Had they finally stepped over the fine line they had drawn when they had been robbed of their memories and the reasons not to feel the way they did? There hadn’t been any evidence of a physical relationship between them, she reminded herself. She took a deep breath.

‘Brenna.’ Janet regained the woman’s attention. She hesitated. Could she really ask the woman not to say anything when she was being debriefed? If it came out that she had…she sighed. ‘Thank you for the information.’

Brenna slumped back against the pillows. ‘How are they?’

‘I believe they’ll be fine.’ Janet said. ‘You should get some rest.’ She advised. She left before Brenna could say anything further.

She made her way along the corridors to SG1’s room and entered quietly.

‘The others are sleeping.’ Teal’c said quietly as she approached him.

‘Actually, Teal’c,’ Janet said careful to keep her voice low, ‘I was looking for you. I need to speak with you in private on a matter of some urgency.’

The Jaffa blinked at her in surprise before he inclined his head. He shoved the covers back on his bed and followed her silently out of the room.

Janet led the way to her office and closed the door. She rubbed at her nose. Teal’c waited patiently, standing beside her desk, his hands clasped behind his back.

‘I spoke with Brenna.’ Janet explained. She debated whether to continue but sighed and plunged in. ‘She…she talked about how close Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter were on the planet when their memories were blocked.’

Teal’c raised an eyebrow. ‘I see.’

Janet grimaced and wondered how she asked the Jaffa to intervene where she couldn’t.

‘I understand, Doctor Fraiser.’ Teal’c said suddenly. ‘Think of it no further.’

She took one look at his calm, reassuring face and felt a wave of relief. ‘Thank you, Teal’c.’

He inclined his head. ‘If you will excuse me, Doctor Fraiser.’

Janet watched him leave, presumably to talk with Brenna, before she slumped into her chair. She leaned back and stared at the ceiling. Was she doing the right thing? Sam and Jack loved each other; shouldn’t she report that? They may not have done anything against the regulations but surely their feelings contravened the spirit of them? Surely it would be better for them to be separated from a health point of view…emotionally, mentally.

But Sam’s career would be ruined, Janet mused. She knew only too well what the rumours would be like if it got out. It was bad enough that there still were some male chauvinists around the SGC that figured the blonde Major had got her position on her back anyway. Not to mention SG1 worked incredibly well together as a team. Did she really want to be the one who broke them up?

Janet sighed. She straightened her shoulders and knew she would leave out the more personal observations about Jack and Sam from her report. There was no evidence of anything inappropriate just comments regarding feelings – feelings she knew they would never have expressed under normal circumstances; Sam and Jack had been subjected to alien brainwashing after all. But as she stood up pushed away from her desk, she wondered how many more times she would have to face the same decision and how many more times it would take for her to make a different decision altogether.

o-O-o

Daniel stood at the briefing room window and watched as the refugees filed through the waiting open wormhole. Although some had opted to stay on Earth, including Brenna, the majority of them had agreed to return to their home-planet after the new government had contacted the SGC and offered a settlement. The workers had agreed to continue running the power plant in exchange for their freedom. They would earn a salary, work shifts and live on the surface. Sam’s improvements would be implemented to improve safety and efficiency. SG11 had been assigned to assist and monitor progress. Daniel was hopeful that it would work out. He nudged his glasses back up his nose and his eyes fell on one of the last refugees as she paused on the ramp.

Keegan turned and looked up at the window. Daniel’s breath caught in his throat. His meeting with her that morning hadn’t been easy given her hint that she would stay on Earth if he was interested in pursuing a relationship. He had explained about Sha’re; that he wasn’t ready to be involved with someone again. He had left unsaid that while Keegan might have appealed to Karlin who had been grateful to her kindness to him as a newcomer to the plant, she didn’t appeal to Daniel who couldn’t forget her mistreatment of Thera. He registered Jack’s presence as the Colonel moved to stand beside him and felt Jack tense at the sight of the woman on the ramp as she raised a hand in farewell. Daniel raised his own briefly. He let out a sigh of relief as she disappeared into the blue horizon.

‘I can’t say I’m disappointed to see her go.’ Jack commented not bothering to hide his dislike.

‘Me either.’ Daniel admitted as the wormhole winked out.

Jack looked at him curiously.

Daniel shrugged. ‘At least she wasn’t the Destroyer of Worlds.’ He said dryly.

‘Yeah, at least there’s that.’ Jack agreed, patting his shoulder. He moved away from the window and took a seat at the briefing table.

‘You’re early.’ Daniel noted, walking over to the coffee pot. He gestured at it and Jack shook his head.

‘So are you.’ Jack pointed out.

The archaeologist was saved from having to reply by the entry of their team-mates. Sam took the seat opposite Jack and Daniel gave her a welcoming smile as he sat beside her. Teal’c took the seat by Jack. None of them commented that Sam usually sat next to Jack, just as none of them commented about the awkwardness between the couple. Daniel felt a pang of sympathy for them. He knew he and Teal’c would support them until things were back to normal.

The office door opened and Hammond walked out to take his place. The General looked around the team fondly. ‘Before we start, I just want to say it’s good to have you back, SG1.’

Jack gestured at the General. ‘Thank you, sir.’ His eyes slid to Sam and Daniel wondered if he was the only one who saw the glimmer of pained regret before Jack’s gaze shifted back to Hammond. Daniel didn’t think the Colonel agreed it was good to be back at all.

o-O-o

The forceful knock on the door jolted Hammond out of his reading. He rubbed his eyes and called for the person to enter. Major Griff walked crisply and saluted him. Hammond gave the order to be at ease.

Griff handed him a beige folder and a video tape in response. ‘I thought you should see this, sir.’

Hammond took them tentatively, viewing both items suspiciously. ‘What is it?’

‘One of the young lady refugees made some…comments during her debriefing, sir.’ Griff shifted as though uncomfortable. ‘About Colonel O’Neill and, uh, Major Carter, sir.’ He swallowed at the hard look Hammond shot at him. ‘About their relationship during their time there.’

Hammond’s eyes fell to the folder and video tape he held with distaste.

‘Obviously it’s bullshit, sir – if you’ll excuse my language.’ Griff said bluntly. ‘But I thought you should see it.’

‘You did the right thing, Major.’ Hammond said slowly.

‘Yes, sir. I think you should also know that only myself and Lieutenant Michaels know about this and he knows to keep his mouth shut, sir.’ Griff said brusquely. It was open knowledge that Michaels hero-worshipped O’Neill.

‘Thank you, Major.’ Hammond dismissed him. He stared at the folder and tape for a long moment. He wasn’t certain whether he wanted to watch the video, whether he wanted to read the report. He knew Griff had been explicit about who had seen the info in order to give Hammond the option of ignoring it; for the file to mysteriously and unofficially disappear. The military mantra of ‘don’t ask; don’t tell’ worked very well for a reason and it was doubtful if a single report from an alien refugee would be missed in the grand scheme of things. He didn’t know whether to be amused or disturbed that Griff would assume he’d be open to the idea of a cover-up.

Hammond tapped the folder lightly before he squared his shoulders. He opened the folder unenthusiastically. He skimmed the report until he came to the relevant section. His lips pursed as he read.

Keegan: I always knew something was up with Jonah and Thera. They were always hanging around together. She had him wrapped around her little finger.

Griff: So, getting back to my question, you never questioned where new workers came from?

Keegan: No, we assumed they’d come from the mines like we were told. I figured that was where Jonah and Thera had gotten together although I guess they must have already been a couple here. Right?

Griff: Actually, no…

Keegan: Really? Because they were pretty intimate for a couple that didn’t have prior history, you know what I mean?

Michaels: Are you saying they were…?

Keegan: Oh yeah. They were always sneaking off into corners.

Griff: Maybe we should get back to your experience and what you would like to do now…

Hammond put the folder down. On one level he was relieved; there was nothing but innuendo and gossip in the comments Keegan had made. Still, he knew the comments should provoke investigation.

It hadn’t escaped his notice that SG1’s two officers had grown closer especially since the week SG1 had been stuck off-world during the incident with the Replicators. Jack and Sam sat together in briefings and more often than not if he went searching, he’d find O’Neill in the Major’s lab. There were smiles and banter; some definite flirting. It was nothing that anyone could hold up as definitive evidence of fraternisation but enough to prompt the question, especially after the debacle of the za’tarc testing when, even without knowing the detail, Hammond suspected that it had something to do with their feelings for each other. But he had chosen to ignore it and chosen to ignore it for a reason.

He knew SG1 was close, closer to each other than a normal military team but then they had served together for longer than most military teams and perhaps even the description of them a military team was a misnomer. It was to be expected that the only military relationship in the group would grow closer than perhaps the nebulous team-mate bond allowed by the regulations and he truly believed any unusual closeness was offset by the benefits in keeping the team together. However, he acknowledged that while a closer friendship between a CO and subordinate than usual was acceptable, something truly inappropriate was not. He leaned back in his leather chair, eyeing the folder as though it were a live snake.

The debriefing that morning with SG1 had been short and to the point, but Hammond had been struck by the thought that both military officers had been uncomfortable the entire time and that they hadn’t sat next to each other as usual. Something had happened on the planet that had affected their relationship, Hammond was sure of it. He had decided to let them work it out themselves but given the report he could no longer ignore the possibility that they may have drifted over the line.

He sighed, feeling the temptation just to bin the report nibble at him. No. He slapped the folder closed and reached for the phone. The sooner they dealt with the accusations, maybe the sooner they got to the bottom of whatever had happened and he could be assured that the closer than usual military relationship between Sam and Jack continued to be just that; a military relationship.

o-O-o

Jack slammed the door shut on his locker. He lifted his foot onto the bench and started to tie the laces on his boot. It had been a miserable day. The debriefing had been thankfully short but he’d spent the rest of the day avoiding Sam’s lab and Sam. It hadn’t been easy; he’d wanted to spend the time with her and therein was the problem. Distance, he reminded himself. They both needed some distance to readjust. He wasn’t stupid enough to suppose they could continue avoiding each other though. He glanced up as Daniel entered. Jack gave a brief nod of acknowledgement and changed feet.

‘Going home?’ Daniel asked, opening his own locker.

‘Yeah.’ Jack realised belatedly that his answer had been a little terse. ‘You?’ He added politely.

Daniel shook his head. ‘I’m, er, going to the gym. I thought I’d do some weights.’

Jack froze in the act of tying a knot and stared at his team-mate. ‘You’re volunteering to spend time in the gym?’

‘You don’t need to sound so…’ Daniel gestured vaguely at him.

Jack reached for his jacket. ‘You need someone to spot you?’ He offered by way of an apology, hoping the younger man would refuse.

‘Teal’c’s waiting for me.’ Daniel said with a small smile.

‘Well, have fun.’ Jack said as he checked his pockets for his keys and wallet.

The locker room door swung open again and Walter Harriman entered.

‘There you are, sir.’ Walter said with relief. ‘General Hammond has asked that you and Major Carter report to his office.’

Jack glared at the Sergeant. ‘Now?’

‘Yes, sir.’ Walter suddenly seemed to take in his civilian clothing. ‘I guess I just caught you, sir.’

‘I guess you did.’ Jack said sarcastically.

Walter seemed to realise he needed to leave. He gestured behind him. ‘I’ll go inform Major Carter, sir.’

Jack resisted the urge to volunteer to do it himself. He nodded sharply. ‘You do that. I’ll change.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Walter hurried out.

Jack sighed heavily and reopened his locker. He shrugged out of his jacket.

‘That’s a bit unusual, isn’t it?’ Daniel commented as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.

‘What?’ Jack asked irritably, dragging his own sweater off and replacing it with a clean black t-shirt. He sat down to undo his boots.

‘The General asking for just you and Sam.’ Daniel said quietly. ‘Why not all of us?’

‘It’s probably something to do with this 301 thing we’re doing next week.’ Jack muttered before Daniel could express his own unvoiced concern. ‘Some military protocol or other given the big brass is going to be there.’ He toed his boots off and stripped his jeans.

‘Right.’ Daniel agreed supportively. ‘I’m sure that’s all it is.’

Jack refused to contemplate anything else. He and Carter hadn’t done anything wrong and he knew with absolute certainty that the reports showed that. Their only omission – completely mutual and not discussed – was the kiss. Fraiser had even unknowingly supplied them with an excuse for seemingly sticking with each other when they hadn’t remembered Daniel and Teal’c when she’d reported that Brenna had ensured the couple remembered they were friends in order to provide Carter with some protection. Nope. The reports were clean. Hammond’s summons couldn’t have anything to do with their previous mission, Jack thought firmly. He shoved his legs into a pair of green BDU pants, zipped and fastened it up. He stuffed his feet into his boots and tied them quickly.

‘Well, good luck.’ Daniel commented as Jack got to his feet and shut the locker door again.

Jack nodded. ‘Have fun in the gym.’ He walked out before Daniel could answer and strode down the corridor confidently. He just made the elevator and he rested up against the back wall of it before it discharged him at the right floor. He caught up with Sam in the corridor. The green uniform she was wearing hung loose on her and he felt another frisson of anger and guilt that he hadn’t been able to ensure that she got fed properly.

‘Sir.’ Sam greeted formally. Her blue eyes gave away her nervousness.

‘Carter.’ Jack jerked his head and they started walking.

Sam cleared her throat. ‘Do you know what this is about, sir?’

Jack shrugged as they came to a halt in front of Hammond’s door. ‘I guess we’ll soon find out.’ He took the lead and rapped loudly with his knuckles.

‘Come.’ Hammond said authoratively.

Jack motioned for Sam to go in first and he followed after her, closing the door behind them. He was surprised to see Hammond standing by the internal window to the briefing room his back to them. He joined Sam in front of the desk and assumed a similar at attention pose.

‘At ease.’ Hammond said quietly as he turned around and walked back to his desk.

Jack adjusted his stance; legs apart, hands behind his back. He was vaguely aware of Sam doing the same. They were standing close enough that their arms almost touched.

Hammond sat down and fingered the report on this desk. ‘The reason why you’re both here is to discuss a report made by one of the refugees.’

Jack resisted the urge to look at Sam anxiously. ‘Complaining about the service they received, sir?’ He quipped.

‘I wish it was a complaint, Colonel.’ Hammond said. He pressed his lips together. ‘There were certain comments that this young lady made about your conduct on the planet that I have to ask you some questions about.’

Jack’s eyebrows shot up and he cut dead his instinctive and tell-tale reaction to look at Sam. ‘Excuse me?’

‘I’d like to keep this informal but you are certainly entitled to legal representation should you wish to avail yourselves of it.’ Hammond continued smoothly.

Jack shrugged, pretending an indifference he didn’t quite feel. ‘I’m good, sir.’

‘Me too.’ Sam said quietly.

He risked a glance at her and he was pleased to see she was holding together fine; a little pale but her face was set, her eyes guarded.

‘The young lady alleges that while you were under the impression that you were Jonah and Thera, you engaged in a physical relationship.’ Hammond told them bluntly. ‘I’m assuming you’re going to deny this.’

‘Damn right.’

‘Yes, sir.’

They spoke together; completely in unison.

‘Sir, with respect, if we had engaged in a, uh, physical relationship, Doctor Fraiser would have found evidence of it during our examinations.’ Sam said tersely.

‘Exactly.’ Jack nodded his head in enthusiastic agreement. ‘Good point, Carter.’

‘I realise that, Major.’ Hammond stated calmly. ‘And believe me when I say it was one of the first things I checked upon receiving this report and that it weighs heavily into my decision to keep this as an informal discussion.’ He shifted position. ‘I’m also aware that both of you have seemed uncomfortable around each other since your return. So, I’m asking you if there is anything either of you wants to tell me about what happened on this mission?’

‘Sir,’ Sam turned to Jack swiftly, ‘if I may?’

Jack nodded. ‘Go ahead, Carter.’ He said generously. He figured she would be able to handle the whole question a hell of a lot better than he would.

‘General, I admit that I have been uncomfortable with Colonel O’Neill since our return from the mission but it’s not because we engaged in anything inappropriate.’ Sam began. She held the General’s pale blue gaze firmly with her own. ‘It’s just that we had a completely different relationship.’

‘I’m not sure I understand.’ Hammond said, a frown creasing his brow.

Jack wasn’t sure he did either.

‘Sir, Jonah and Thera were friends.’ Sam explained. ‘That’s all they were but that friendship was very important to them both in keeping their spirits up, and it was a much closer friendship that the usual relationship between the Colonel and myself.’ She paused. ‘As Thera, I could share my thoughts with Jonah in a way that I would never consider doing with the Colonel, sir.’

Jack tried hard not to let her words affect him. She was only telling the truth even if he hated that she couldn’t confide in him like she had Jonah.

‘I see.’ Hammond nodded thoughtfully.

‘When we realised our real identities, I felt a little exposed, sir.’ Sam finished. ‘That’s why I’ve, uh, been uncomfortable with the Colonel.’

Hammond’s eyes flickered to Jack. ‘And you feel the same way?’

‘Yes, sir.’ Jack said swiftly. He held the older man’s gaze. Exposed was a fair reflection of how he did feel, Jack thought wryly. ‘But I’m certain the Major and I will be able to put this behind us and move forward, sir.’

Sam nodded in fervent agreement. She gestured at the folder, ‘General, would it be possible to see the report that was made?’

Jack silently approved at her strategy. Maybe going on the offensive was called for. ‘And may we ask which lovely refugee made the report?’ His sarcasm was biting.

Hammond passed the folder across the desk to Jack. ‘The relevant section is marked and it was an individual called Keegan.’

Jack and Sam looked at each other in startled recognition.

‘You know her.’ Hammond stated, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands over his slightly paunchy stomach.

‘Keegan took a dislike to Thera from day one. I mean, Carter.’ Jack frowned heavily as he flipped through the report. He winced as he read Keegan’s comments and handed it to Sam.

‘Actually, sir, it was Thera she had a problem with.’ Sam corrected him. She read through the damaging comments and a hint of pink coloured her cheeks. Sam handed Hammond the report. ‘With respect, sir, there’s nothing in there but innuendo. The power plant was a very communal space. The Colonel and I did seek privacy but only to talk and in the latter few days, Daniel joined us.’

‘Daniel can verify all this, sir.’ Jack said confidently as he resumed the at ease position. ‘Personally, I wouldn’t view anything Keegan said as having any kind of credibility.’

Hammond nodded. ‘Well, thank you. I think that clears this matter up sufficiently. I’ll add an addendum to this report and highlight the comments regarding the individual’s credibility.’

Jack felt some of the tension ease out of him. ‘Thank you, sir.’ He heard Sam’s quiet sigh of relief before she did the same.

‘I need to speak with you on some other matters, Colonel, so if you could stay behind.’ Hammond motioned at Sam with his pen. ‘You’re dismissed, Major.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam came sharply to attention. She shot Jack a concerned look as she turned to leave and he hoped his own look of reassurance was enough of a reply as the door shut behind her.

‘Jack.’ Hammond gestured at the chair in front of the desk. ‘Take a seat.’

Jack repressed the urge to sigh. It was never good news when Hammond asked him to sit. He took the seat gingerly. ‘Sir.’

Hammond looked at him and Jack could see the indecision on how to proceed playing across his face. Jack stayed silent.

The General eventually cleared his throat. ‘Jack, I’m satisfied that nothing inappropriate happened on this mission but I have to admit I’m a little concerned.’ Hammond said quietly. ‘From all the reports, you and Sam provided each other with much needed friendship in a difficult environment on this last mission, in a situation where you had no memory of any regulations.’

Jack stayed silent.

‘You did get too close to each other even if it was through no fault of your own.’ Hammond held up a hand to prevent Jack from interrupting. ‘It isn’t easy to replace boundaries once they’re lost, Jack, to step back.’

Hammond looked back at Jack compassionately and Jack found he couldn’t muster a quick retort or quip to make light of the situation.

He cleared his throat. ‘No, sir.’ Jack admitted honestly. ‘Carter and I know this won’t be easy but we’re both aware that reinstating our military relationship is necessary given our respective ranks and positions on SG1, sir.’ Painfully aware, he thought sadly.

The General finally nodded slowly in understanding and Jack got the uncomfortable impression that perhaps the General understood more than Jack hoped he did. ‘OK, Colonel, I’m going to trust you and Major Carter to deal with this but I expect to be informed immediately if this does become a problem for either of you.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Jack said quickly.

‘Dismissed.’ Hammond said gently.

Jack escaped from the office and made his way to Sam’s lab. He figured she would be wondering why the General held him back and he wanted to reassure her. More than that, he knew he wanted to check how she was doing. He guessed she would be mortified at being called in to answer Keegan’s report. He slowed as he approached the lab and he tapped lightly on the door-frame.

‘Hey.’ Jack walked up to stand beside her.

‘Sir.’ Sam straightened from the blueprints she was examining. He could see the question in her eyes and knew she wouldn’t ask it.

‘Hammond just wanted to remind me about reinstating boundaries. That was it.’ Jack said briskly careful to keep his voice from carrying to the open door. ‘I assured him we were already doing that.’

Sam ducked her head, hiding her expression from him. ‘Yes, sir.’

‘You OK?’ Jack asked gently.

She looked up at him and nodded. The smile she attempted didn’t make it to her eyes. ‘Yes, sir.’

Thera would have confided in him. Not him, Jack corrected in his head, Jonah. A sharp pain arrowed through Jack as he registered the loss of their previous intimacy again.

Jack gestured awkwardly and decided he needed to change the subject. ‘So what’re you working on?’

‘The 301 test plans.’ Sam answered. ‘I wanted to go over everything.’

‘Cool.’ Jack said, his own interest perking up.

‘You’re really looking forward to it, aren’t you, sir?’ Sam commented as he leaned over to get a better look.

‘Test piloting our very own glider?’ Jack smirked suddenly and his brown eyes twinkled. ‘Nah. I don’t know what gave you that impression, Carter.’

Sam smiled back at him and for a second they both forgot about distance and boundaries.

Remembering was painful; their smiles faded.

Jack cleared his throat. ‘Well, I’m, er, I’m going to head home.’

‘’Night, sir.’ Sam said gently as though she understood just how agonizing standing there had become; she probably did, Jack realised.

He nodded and backed out of the lab. Jack waited until he was in the privacy of empty the locker room before he sat down and dropped his head into his hands. He eventually rubbed his hands over his face and stood up. He stripped and dressed in his civvies again quickly, more eager than ever to get home. He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror as he took a step toward the door.

There was barely any difference in his appearance that he could see; silver hair in disarray; the same craggy, lived-in face. Yet another man looked back at him.

‘You were one lucky son of a bitch, Jonah.’ Jack muttered. He shook his head as he registered how crazy he sounded. ‘I’m going nuts.’ He commented out loud.

Jack turned away from the reflection. Hammond had been right; it wasn’t going to be easy at all. In fact, it was going to be complete hell.

fin.