Fanfiction: Leap of Faith

[rachel500]

Fandom: Stargate SG1
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S4 Tangent
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Sam/Jack UST.  Team friendship.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.  Written for entertainment purposes only.

 

Leap of Faith

Jacob Carter grasped the outstretched hand of Jack O’Neill and helped pull him up from the floor of the cargo bay. Jacob was peripherally aware that his daughter, Samantha, was moving to hover next to her CO just as Daniel Jackson took a step closer on the Colonel’s other side.

Jack gave a small nod as he got upright. ‘I’m good.’ He claimed.

He’s going to fall over as soon as you let go of him, Jacob’s symbiote Selmak warned in his head.

I know, Jacob replied, but we both know he won’t listen to me even if I tell him. He released Jack.

The Colonel immediately lurched side-ways off-balance. ‘Woah.’ Jack’s arms flailed wildly as he tried to stand on legs that weren’t altogether steady after being trapped in a cold glider for hours.

Sam grabbed him on one side as Daniel grabbed him on the other. Jacob noticed that their remaining team-mate, Teal’c, simply raised one eyebrow in amusement. The Jaffa seemed remarkably well given he had experienced the same long wait in the glider but he had spent much of the time in kel no reem and Jacob figured the Jaffa physiology was much more capable of handling the effects than the more fragile human body.

‘Easy, sir.’ Sam cautioned as they steadied Jack.

‘Maybe you should sit down, Jack.’ Daniel suggested breathlessly.

‘Maybe I should sit down.’ Jack agreed, his hands clutching desperately onto his two team-mates. ‘Just for a second.’

Sam nodded at Daniel and they gently shifted him closer to the wall and lowered him to the floor again.

Jack rested up against the bulk head. ‘This is good.’ He said brightly, looking up at Sam and smiling. ‘I’ll just rest here a minute.’

Jacob hid his smirk. ‘Right, Jack.’ His smirk fell away as he realised that the Colonel hadn’t taken his eyes off Sam and she was looking just as intently back at her CO with a soft smile on her face.

‘Dammit, Colonel! We haven’t come all this way just to take you home in a box!’

Her raw emotion when they’d first tried to wake Jack in the glider drifted through his mind. He shuffled uncomfortable with the direction of his thoughts. ‘Uh, Sam?’

She didn’t even look up. ‘Yeah, Dad?’

‘We should get going.’ Jacob said pointedly. He ignored Selmak snickering in his head.

‘Sure.’ Sam waved at him to leave distractedly as she crouched down beside Jack. ‘How are you feeling, sir?’

Jacob, Selmak prompted. Jacob reluctantly began to turn to the front of the ship. He heard Jack responding that he had a headache.

‘This is real, right? You’re real?’ Jack asked, suddenly serious. ‘I’m not hallucinating?’

Jacob glanced back and his eyebrows rose as the Colonel seemed to reach for Sam and stopped, his hand falling to the ground just short of her.

Sam placed a hand on Jack’s arm to reassure him. ‘I’m really here, sir. You’re really OK.’

Jacob frowned heavily.

‘Do you require assistance flying this ship, Jacob Carter?’

Teal’c’s question arrested Jacob’s attention, his head snapping to the Jaffa. He suddenly realised he had stopped half-way through the doorway transfixed by the interaction between his daughter and her CO.

‘No.’ Jacob responded belatedly. He turned away again and marched to the seat at the front of the ship. He slipped into the chair and settled into a comfortable position.

Don’t start, he warned his symbiote.

We have been through this before, Jacob. Selmak pointed out gently. I know you have concerns about your daughter’s relationship with Colonel O’Neill but neither has ever given you any cause to…

I know. Jacob snapped. He knew he was apt to worry about it; ever since he had met Jack and realised he bore a striking similarity to Sam’s ex-fiancé, ever since he had worked out how close they were as team-mates, ever since he had discovered that Jack cared about his daughter when they had been returning from Netu. But he was assured that Jack would never hurt Sam.

Jacob…

Can we stop talking about this? He reached for the activation control for the engines and frowned when they stuttered and died. ‘Damn.’

‘Dad?’ Sam hurried into the cockpit. ‘What’s going on?’

‘It’s the engines.’ Jacob said with a sigh. ‘We overtaxed them on the way here.’ He rose and headed for the back of the ship. Sam followed him. He glanced at the cargo bay wall and slowed at the empty space. ‘Where are the boys?’

‘Freshening up.’ Sam said, heading to the control panels to the right. ‘We packed the Colonel and Teal’c a change of clothes. Daniel’s helping make sure the Colonel stays upright.’ She was already opening the panel to examine the crystals, her mind seemingly fixed on their problem.

Jacob was wondering how a Jaffa and two full grown men fitted into the small bathroom on the scout ship when he spotted the problem with the engines. ‘Here.’ He took out the long green cylinder of crystal. ‘This one’s burnt out.’

‘Do you have a spare?’ Sam asked, her fingers tapping lightly on her thighs.

‘It’s in the next panel across.’ Jacob looked at her closely, seeing the tiredness in the faint white lines and the dark shadows under her eyes. He wondered whether she had rested at all since her team-mates’ mishap in the glider.

Sam opened it and he indicated the crystal he wanted. She frowned as she pulled it free. ‘It’s blue.’

‘It’ll work.’ Jacob assured her. ‘It’s just a patch but it’ll get us home.’

Sam nodded and handed him the crystal. He pushed it into place. She stepped back and rubbed her arms.

‘You OK, kiddo?’ Jacob asked concerned.

‘I’m fine.’ Sam replied automatically. She caught his look of disbelief. ‘Just a little tired. That’s all.’

‘You sleep at all since this went down?’ Jacob asked gently, parental concern seeping into his voice.

She rolled her blue eyes at him and for a brief second he was transported back to when she was sixteen. ‘Dad.’ The word was a protest and a complaint all rolled up into one; it had taken her years to perfect and years for him to translate it correctly: don’t interfere; I’m fine.

He held up a hand. ‘It’s going to take an hour or so to get back. You might as well make yourself comfortable.’

‘Maybe I will.’ Sam murmured attempting a smile.

Jacob patted her arm encouragingly. He left her in the cargo bay and moved back to the pilot’s chair. He sighed in relief as the engines started and absently registered the murmur of voices behind him; he surmised that the rest of SG1 had returned from their bathroom break. He began to manoeuvre away from the glider. He shook his head in reluctant admiration at the beaten up ship. He was amazed Jack and Teal’c were still alive.

They were very lucky, Selmak noted. If Samantha and Daniel had not found us when they did, if we had not pushed the engines so hard; this may have had a different outcome.

What were they thinking? Jacob sighed inwardly. They could have gotten themselves killed.

They were thinking that they could reuse the technology and take a short cut as the Goa’uld and the Tok’ra before them. Daniel and Samantha were right about that. Selmak said a hint of amusement stealing into her internal voice. It might have worked too. It shows a certain ingenuity to have actually repaired the ship at all.

You almost sound like you admire the effort, Jacob noted with some surprise. Selmak had been cheering him on when he had taken Sam and Daniel to task earlier.

I do, Selmak admitted. Your race is very young, Jacob, and perhaps it was a mistake but they have an enthusiasm and passion about seeking to better themselves that I admire.

He felt rather than heard the regret that the Tok’ra no longer had such enthusiasm or passion. Well, it was still a mistake, Jacob said forcefully.

Selmak chuckled. Sometimes you have to let the young make their own mistakes; you have to let go and let them fall. And sometimes, they have friends to catch them.

The image of Jack floundering when Jacob had let go only for Sam and Daniel to support him flashed through his mind. It brought a smile to his face but it faded again as his thoughts drifted to his daughter.

You are worried about Samantha, Selmak realised, turning over his thoughts in their shared conscience; his observations of her tiredness, the stress in her voice, the shadows in her eyes.

I should have stuck around after the thing with Martouf, Jacob berated himself harshly. She shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.

I do not believe she did, Selmak reassured him. SG1 is a close team; I’m sure they supported her through her grief.

Still, Jacob said determinedly unwilling to let go of his guilt so easily, I should have been here.

We tried to return. Selmak pointed out gently. We could not have anticipated that the Earth would be caught in a time-loop.

Three months of worrying why they couldn’t make contact; Jacob remembered it with a shudder. Selmak was the only reason he had made it through those months sane.

Perhaps we can take a vacation when we get to Earth, Selmak mused. You have not seen either Samantha or Mark for some time.

That would be good, Jacob agreed, sending her a wordless pulse of gratitude. I’d like to spend some time with my kids. Maybe try and see what’s going on with Sam.

You think it’s more than her grief over Martouf? Selmak’s internal voice was riddled with puzzlement.

Jacob sighed and shrugged. Something was going on with her before Martouf. You remember when we visited just after the incident with the armbands?

Selmak turned over the memory in their head. Sam had claimed she was simply dealing with the close call she and the Colonel had experienced; of being stuck helplessly behind a force-shield, trapped with Jaffa closing in on them. But she remembered how Samantha had trembled in her father’s arms as they had said goodbye.

Perhaps you are right, Selmak mused.

Her host nodded. I know I’m right. He just had no idea how he was going to get Sam to open up to him. He had never been good at that. Kathy, his late wife, had been the one who the kids went to for advice and parental succour. He had been absent too much and even when he’d been around, well, all that touchy-feely stuff, it wasn’t really him. But, he thought determinedly, he wanted to do better and he would. After all, he did have a two-thousand year old symbiote to help smooth his rougher edges.

Selmak chortled at his internal commentary.

‘May I join you, Jacob Carter?’

Jacob looked up briefly at Teal’c’s solemn face and belatedly realised that the cargo bay behind him was completely silent.

‘The others are sleeping.’ Teal’c confirmed.

Jacob gestured for him to take the passenger seat. He briefly noted the BDU which had replaced the rumpled flight suit the Jaffa had been wearing previously. ‘You didn’t want to get some rest?’

‘My kel no reem was very deep.’ Teal’c informed him as he took the chair and stared out into space. ‘I will not require rest for many hours.’

‘You saved Jack’s life.’ Jacob commented bluntly. ‘If you hadn’t performed your meditation, you would have run out of oxygen hours ago.’

Teal’c inclined his bald head in agreement; the lights glinted off his gold brand and Jacob could feel the faint stir of discomfort from Selmak at the reminder of Teal’c’s previous existence as First Prime of Apophis. ‘I have not yet had the chance to thank you for coming to our assistance.’

‘Well,’ Jacob shifted in his seat a little uncomfortable with the praise, ‘I haven’t really had a chance to thank you for saving us on Netu.’ He glanced over and caught the Jaffa’s dark eyes. ‘I think we’re even.’

‘Indeed.’ Teal’c murmured with rich satisfaction. He folded his hands over his black t-shirt.

Selmak regarded the Jaffa for a long moment. He is disturbed by something.

Jacob took a second look at Teal’c’s smooth expression and relaxed pose. How can you tell?

He is tense, Selmak pointed out; his shoulder muscles and jaw are tight. Let me speak with him, she suggested impulsively. Jacob acquiesced, curious to see where the conversation would go.

‘Something bothers you, Teal’c.’ Selmak stated bluntly.

So much for the subtle approach, Jacob teased. His symbiote mentally shushed him.

Teal’c turned to look at Selmak with a small frown. ‘Selmak.’

‘Apologies, Teal’c, but I cannot help but notice you seem unusually tense for just being rescued.’ Selmak said smoothly. ‘Something bothers you.’

‘You are correct.’ Teal’c admitted. He breathed in deeply. ‘I was thinking of the recall device within the glider.’

Selmak’s eyes widened. ‘You blame yourself.’ She realised.

‘Before I betrayed Apophis no such device was necessary.’ Teal’c pointed out ruthlessly.

‘And so you blame yourself for what happened here?’ Selmak said gently. Jacob felt her surprise at the Jaffa’s admission; at his assumption of responsibility.

‘If I had not betrayed Apophis…’ Teal’c began.

‘If you had not betrayed Apophis, it is unlikely the Tau’ri would ever have been in possession of a glider to test.’ Selmak interrupted tartly. ‘Further, your team-mates would undoubtedly be dead as would I and Jacob.’

Teal’c blinked at being scolded. ‘I stand corrected.’

‘You should be proud, Teal’c.’ Selmak said. ‘I perhaps of all people know how difficult it must have been to have acted against Apophis; how much your decision cost you. It would have been easy for you to have simply continued with Apophis and buried your doubts about his godhood. When you chose to save the Tau’ri, you gave up your life in that instant.’

‘A life without freedom is no life.’ Teal’c responded quietly. ‘I want more for people; for my son.’

‘And they now have a chance to grasp that.’ Selmak murmured. ‘Perhaps because you live among the Tau’ri, you do not realise the full impact of your actions on the Jaffa. Your example has moved others to follow; to question the Goa’uld in a way that I have not seen since the early days of the Tok’ra.’

Teal’c frowned. ‘We are still only few.’

‘More than you know, I think.’ Selmak said softly. ‘May I ask you a question, Teal’c?’

He bowed his head.

‘Why do you remain among the Tau’ri?’ Selmak asked, her voice bright with nothing more than curiosity.

Teal’c gave her question serious consideration. ‘I can do more to fight the Goa’uld as part of SG1. The Jaffa rebellion cannot yet make a difference.’

‘Perhaps because it is waiting for leadership.’ Selmak suggested. ‘Only so much can be influenced by reputation alone.’

‘My mentor Bra’tac leads.’ Teal’c’s tone warned against any disrespect of Bra’tac’s abilities.

‘And I’m sure he is to be admired, Teal’c.’ Selmak soothed the Jaffa’s clearly ruffled feathers. ‘But while he may have seeded your own doubts and taught you much, he was not the first Jaffa to raise his weapon against his God. That was you.’

Teal’c shifted in his seat as though discomforted by Selmak’s words. ‘I do not seek to lead.’

‘No great leader ever does.’ Selmak said with a short laugh. ‘Egeria simply wished for a different future for her children; for us to live in harmony together without the bloodshed of power-mongering and battle. She birthed a rebellion with the Tok’ra; you have fathered one with the Jaffa. I truly believe your rebellion would grow tenfold if you were seen once in a while amongst the Jaffa who follow you.’

‘Are you suggesting I leave the Tau’ri?’ Teal’c asked roughly.

Jacob had been listening quietly – fascinated by the conversation – but at Teal’c’s question, he mentally nudged Selmak. May I?

She returned control to him.

‘I think what Selmak is suggesting, Teal’c, is that it doesn’t have to be an either-or situation anymore.’ Jacob said briskly.

‘I am uncertain of your meaning.’ Teal’c admitted warily.

Jacob smiled at him. ‘Look, maybe when you first joined us it wasn’t possible for you to do both. But you’ve been fighting with us for over three years; I think it’s clear your place on SG1 is safe. General Hammond trusts you. If you want to spend sometime off-world helping to solidify support for the Jaffa rebellion that only helps us all.’ He shrugged. ‘And Selmak’s right; the Jaffa rebellion is growing. You’re the living example of what it is trying to achieve; a Free Jaffa. Seeing you would help underscore why they’re doing it; bring others to the cause. I have to tell you; you have a helluva reputation out there.’ He laughed again. ‘Actually, you all do.’ It was slightly terrifying to hear his own daughter spoken about with reverential awe at times.

Teal’c was silent for a while and Jacob figured he and Selmak had given the Jaffa something to think about. He left the Jaffa alone and felt Selmak’s internal satisfaction.

You’re fairly pleased with yourself, Jacob noted with indulgent amusement.

He could have died here and I am certain the rebellion would have died with him. Selmak sighed. The Jaffa need him. They are growing but without clear direction they are more likely to become a problem than a solution.

You don’t trust them, Jacob realised startled.

I trust Teal’c who has proven himself worthy of trust, Selmak corrected strongly, but you are correct; I do not trust the Jaffa as a whole. They may only be a tool wielded by the Goa’uld but the last sight many Tok’ra see is the Jaffa that kills them.

Jacob frowned as he registered the depth of her fear and distrust. Why haven’t you shared this with me before?

We have never discussed the issue before, Selmak reminded him. I did not mean to hide it from you.

Jacob’s mental reply was interrupted as Teal’c finally cleared his throat.

‘Sho’nac spoke to me of the same thing.’ The Jaffa confessed quietly. ‘She believed my place was among the Jaffa. I would have returned to my people had she lived.’

‘I was really sorry about what happened to her, Teal’c.’ Jacob said softly. ‘She didn’t deserve that.’ He glanced over at him. ‘If it helps, Tanith has proven useful.’ He knew the Jaffa had only agreed to leave his lover’s murderer alone while the Tok’ra used the Goa’uld spy for disinformation.

‘When he ceases to be…useful…I will have my revenge.’ Teal’c noted coldly.

Jacob nodded seriously. ‘You have our word.’

Teal’c looked at him in surprise.

Jacob shrugged. ‘If it had been Kathy or Sam?’ He sighed. ‘I’m not sure I would have had your patience.’ He made a course adjustment as Earth came into view in the distance and felt a tremor in the engines. He powered down. ‘Can you take over here? I need to check the engines.’

Teal’c slid into the chair as Jacob slid out. He left the Jaffa in the cockpit and headed into the cargo bay. He came to a shocked halt in the doorway.

Jack was fast asleep, sitting upright against the wall with his legs stretched out in front of him. Sam sat next to him; her legs similarly stretched out, her hands neatly folded over her stomach, but her head was resting on the Colonel’s shoulder; Jack’s head rested atop hers. The only good news was that Daniel was on the other side of Jack in a similar position to Sam; his head rested on Jack’s other shoulder; his glasses knocked askew.

They look cute, Selmak commented breezily ignoring his fatherly disquiet.

Jacob sighed heavily and crossed over to the engine panels. He checked the patch and frowned. It was already looking burnt around the edges. He pushed it further into the slot and hoped it held until they got to Earth. He closed the panel and glanced back at the sleeping members of SG1. He sighed again and walked back out.

Teal’c relinquished the pilot’s chair to him.

‘Thanks.’ Jacob jerked his head back toward the cargo bay. ‘Why don’t you go wake the kids?’

Teal’c’s eyebrows rose but he made his way to the back of the ship to rouse his team-mates.

Jacob heard the quiet murmur of voices and ruthlessly ignored them as he concentrated on flying them safely home.

‘Are we there yet?’ Jack asked as he entered the cockpit.

Jacob glanced back. Jack was in the middle of stretching, easing the kinks out of his shoulders. He was redressed in the same BDU that Sam and Daniel wore; black canvas trousers, black t-shirt and jacket.

‘Almost.’ Jacob replied. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Like I’ve been sat in a glider for twenty-four hours.’ Jack shot back grumpily. He slumped over the console, Teal’c and Daniel moving to flank him.

‘How we doing, Dad?’ Sam asked as she slipped past her male team-mates and took the passenger seat. Her blue eyes widened as Earth loomed up in front of them. ‘Wow.’

‘It’s quite a sight, isn’t it?’ Jacob noted.

‘It’s beautiful.’ Sam said appreciatively as her gaze remained on their home planet; the spherical blue wonder wrapped in white clouds and mist with the land masses peeking out here and there.

‘That it is.’ Jack agreed with unusual seriousness.

Daniel patted his shoulder gently. ‘There’s just no place like home, huh, Jack?’

It was Teal’c who replied; ‘Indeed.’

o-O-o

Overnight observation, Jack grumbled to himself as he refolded the edge of the sheet covering him. So he had been stuck in a glider for hours and OK, maybe he had gotten a little cold and dehydrated, and maybe he still had a headache but he was fine. He could have gone home.

‘Stop sulking, Colonel.’ Janet Fraiser commented dryly as she finished up scribbling on the clipboard. ‘It doesn’t suit you.’

‘It does too.’ Jack shot back, not bothering to deny her charge. He felt a moment’s satisfaction as he saw Sam duck her head, trying unsuccessfully to hide her amusement. She hadn’t moved from his side since they had landed at Petersen and he was thankful she hadn’t invoked the professional distance they had both been trying to re-establish after a mission where, thanks to some memory issues, they had lost their knowledge that a professional distance was necessary. They had simply been friends, but friends who had known their feelings ran deeper, and it was proving hard for them both to replace the boundaries. It had to be done if they were both to stay on SG1; to give their mission the best possible chance of success.

‘Get some rest, Colonel.’ Janet patted his arm before she moved to the end of the bed and replaced the clipboard. She looked sternly at the rest of SG1 crowded around the bed. ‘If you’re staying, make sure he stays in bed.’ She left; her footsteps loud on the linoleum floor.

‘How’d did you get out of this?’ Jack demanded turning with a mock glare to Teal’c who was stood at the end of the bed. He had noticed Teal’c had been quiet on the drive in from Petersen; even quieter than was usual for the Jaffa.

The Jaffa’s lips lifted almost imperceptibly; his dark eyes twinkled. ‘I have no need to rest, O’Neill. My body has already recovered from our time in the glider.’

Daniel folded his arms around his torso, pulling the blue BDU shirt taut. ‘You were both very lucky.’

Jack shrugged. ‘I knew you’d get to us.’

‘As did I.’ Teal’c added.

The complete confidence in their voices had Sam and Daniel smiling at them with faint embarrassment.

‘Actually, I think I may owe Anise an apology.’ Daniel admitted pushing his glasses up his nose. ‘She did give us the information to get to Jacob.’

‘Where is Dad?’ Jack asked Sam softly. He couldn’t remember seeing Jacob once they’d gotten to the mountain. SG1 had been told to report directly to the infirmary and it had been complete chaos with people running up to congratulate them on another miraculous escape from death.

‘He’s with General Hammond.’ Sam explained.

Jack nodded. Jacob and Hammond were old friends; they’d want to catch up.

‘I guess he’s staying for a while?’ Daniel asked.

It was Sam’s turn to nod. ‘He’s going to need some engine crystals before he can leave with the scout ship. He said he was going to take advantage and spend time on Earth. I think he wants to visit with Mark and the kids.’

‘And you.’ Jack pointed out.

Sam shrugged. ‘I guess.’ She smiled at him and Jack smiled back.

Daniel cleared his throat. ‘I think I’m just going to grab some notes to read.’ He caught Teal’c’s eyes and jerked his head at the door. Teal’c raised an eyebrow but followed the archaeologist out of the room. Neither of their team-mates noticed the interplay; their attention was still on each other.

‘How are you feeling?’ Sam asked gently, her blue eyes running over Jack’s tired face as though she couldn’t quite believe he was OK.

‘Better.’ Jack replied. He looked down at where her hand hovered on top of the bed; close but not touching him. He shifted his own; gently nudging hers without taking hold of it.

Sam’s fingers settled around his lightly, so lightly he could barely feel her touch. ‘I just…’ she stopped unable to continue and her eyes fell away from his to stare resolutely at the blanket.

Jack squeezed her hand in silent understanding. He knew what he would have gone through if it had been her in the glider and him stuck on the ground. He would have been out of his mind with worry; scared that he would lose her; scared that he wouldn’t be able to save her.

‘It should have been me.’ Sam said eventually, raising her eyes to his.

‘No.’ Jack shook his head. ‘It shouldn’t.’ There had been time in the glider for him to consider it. He had previously felt a little guilty at taking the second chair; Sam had helped restore the glider to flight status and she had deserved it for that alone. But as he had drifted in space, cold and alone with his thoughts, he had been pleased with every fibre in his body that it had been him and not her.

Their gazes held. Brown into blue. For a brief moment, he could see nothing but love in her eyes; knew there was nothing but love in his. Other thoughts he’d considered in the glider swam to the surface; hopes, regrets, things he wanted to say to her…

‘There you are.’

Jacob’s voice shattered the moment.

Sam whirled around to the door, hastily and surreptitiously withdrawing her hand from Jack’s.

Jack let her go and swallowed down on the lump of disappointment in his throat.

Jacob walked over to stand next to his daughter. He looked at Jack and Sam with a frown. ‘I’m not interrupting, am I?’

‘No.’ They both spoke in guilty unison.

Jack felt his cheeks heat at Jacob’s piercing look. ‘No,’ he repeated trying to inject some levity into his voice, ‘just trying to convince your daughter to break me out of here.’

Jacob gave a short laugh. He turned to Sam. ‘Actually that was why I was looking for you.’

‘You wanted to convince Carter to break me out of the infirmary?’ Jack joked.

Jacob shot him a look of exasperated amusement and Jack was pleased to see Sam roll her eyes, recovering her composure completely.

‘I was looking to get out of here.’ Jacob turned to Sam. ‘Any chance of a lift to your place?’

Sam looked back at Jack hesitantly. ‘Well, I…’

She’d been intending to stay in the infirmary with him; Jack knew it because it was what they all did when one of them was injured.

‘Take your Dad home, Carter.’ Jack ordered, hoping he sounded like it didn’t matter to him. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Sir,’ Sam began to protest.

‘Daniel and Teal’c will be back soon.’ Jack frowned; he couldn’t quite remember when they’d left. ‘Go on. Get.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Sam attempted a smile. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Get some rest, Jack.’ Jacob said as he and Sam stepped away from the bed.

Jack nodded and lifted his hand in farewell when Sam glanced back as they reached the door. He sighed at the empty room; at the deafening silence. He burrowed under the covers, suddenly cold again. He was unwilling to admit it, but he was really glad of the bed. His body felt like he’d gone several rounds with a champion boxer. He closed his eyes.

It was good Jacob had interrupted, Jack tried to convince himself. It had stopped him doing something stupid. Something stupid like telling Sam he wanted to take it out of the damn room; that he didn’t want to put back all the professional distance between them; that he loved her and wanted to be with her. He had decided as he sat in the glider contemplating his life, his impending death, that nothing mattered but telling her; that they could work out the rest; the mission; the team; all of their duty and regulations. In the depths of space, it had seemed so simple. Or maybe that had been the oxygen deprivation, Jack thought caustically.

Reality wasn’t that simple. Jacob’s presence had reminded Jack it wasn’t just about him. Jack knew Sam loved him; he had seen it in her eyes; felt it in her touch. But deep down he figured she didn’t want to love him; he was her CO after all. She had her whole career – heck, her whole life – ahead of her and Jack knew he couldn’t – wouldn’t – get in the way of that. She deserved to be with someone where the relationship wouldn’t cast a shadow over her achievements. She deserved to be with someone who could make her truly happy, and in all honesty he wasn’t certain he was that man. He had so much darkness in his past whereas she had a purity of heart and spirit. He knew there would be a day when she would wake up and realise that she could do better.

And at the end of the day, it wasn’t even just about them, Jack sighed, turning restlessly, trying to get a comfortable position. They had to consider the impact on their team-mates; on Daniel and Teal’c. The bonds were very strong amongst them all. Teal’c’s words in the glider came back to him; the Jaffa had called them brothers. Jack felt honoured that Teal’c considered him as such; felt that honour to the depths of his being. And then there was Daniel.

He and the younger man had their differences but they were friends regardless and he wouldn’t change that. He knew Daniel was struggling with some personal crisis; the archaeologist had lost so much in the past year – his wife, her child who Daniel had promised to keep safe, a close friend. Loss after loss piling up with no end of the war in sight. Jack hadn’t been surprised when Daniel had asked for some extended leave; he’d convinced Daniel to give it a month and he knew the month was up. Daniel hadn’t come back to him and he wasn’t going to bring it up, Jack determined.

No, SG1 worked as a team. If the day had proven anything it had been that very fact. They were the best. Jack believed that. They were the best and they were the best chance at keeping Earth safe against an enemy he’d had a large part in inviting to their doorstep. They were the best chance at succeeding with their mission. He had made a vow once; to put service to his country before his life; to put his duty before his personal desires. And while there was a part of him which wished he could forget it, it wasn’t a vow he took lightly or that he could easily dismiss. If he did and the Goa’uld won…it didn’t bear thinking about.

He heard a faint noise and he opened his eyes. He saw Daniel taking a seat beside him.

‘Sorry,’ Daniel smiled apologetically, his blue eyes gleaming with the chagrined remorse, ‘I didn’t mean to wake you.’

Jack shrugged awkwardly and sat up again. ‘I wasn’t asleep. Where’s Teal’c?’

‘He went to send a message to Bra’tac.’ Daniel said. ‘We, uh, we saw Sam leaving with Jacob.’

‘Yeah.’ Jack caught the glint in Daniel’s eyes. He pointed at the younger man. ‘We’re not having this conversation.’

Daniel sighed heavily. ‘You almost died today, Jack.’

‘Thanks for the reminder.’ Jack said shortly. He stared up at the ceiling; at the cracks that ran across the concrete.

‘Do you have any idea what I would give to have one more day, even one more hour with Sha’re?’ Daniel murmured. ‘You shouldn’t waste time, Jack.’

‘It’s not that simple.’ Jack responded, all his deliberations whirling around in his brain.

‘Maybe it’s not as complicated as you think either.’ Daniel suggested.

Jack turned his head and looked at Daniel, discomforted by the younger man’s statement.

Daniel shrugged and opened the book in his lap. ‘Just a thought.’

Jack fell silent. He reconsidered everything; reconsidered how simple it had seemed in the glider; remembered the love in Sam’s eyes. His eyes drifted closed and he felt the irresistible tug of sleep as the day caught up with him and tiredness swamped him like a rip tide. Maybe he should invite Sam fishing again…maybe…it was his last thought before sleep claimed him.

o-O-o

Sam tossed in her sleep; her fingers clutching at the blanket that covered her; her lips twisting in remembered anguish.

The smell of cookies warm and comforting…her father in the doorway…grief in his eyes…a child’s gut fear of losing a parent come true…the ache in her heart for her mother…

The fear of losing her father…cancer…Netu…the relief of finding him alive…of bringing him home…

A force-shield flickering between them and Jack pounding helplessly trying to take it down…

‘Sir! There’s no more time! Just go!’ Her desperation and fear he would die because of her…

‘No!’ The same desperation in his voice; he didn’t want to lose her…

The look they shared as they both realised it wasn’t just attraction and caring; it was love…

‘Samantha!’ Martouf’s plea for mercy.

The feel of the trigger under her finger; the jolt from the zat as electric blue spat out and caught Martouf. The weight of him in her arms as he died…

Jolinar’s grief; sharp and terrible in her head; in her heart; everywhere – all-consuming. This was what it was to loss the one you loved; to lose a soul-mate.

Inevitable.

Loss.

The tracking data that showed they had missed the slingshot around Jupiter…the dark silence as the occupants of the glider remained still even as she called to him…

The cold fear in her gut that they were too late…the breath that caught in her throat…the flood of relief when he had called her name…Carter…he was safe…

And suddenly, everything changed and it was Jack stood in the gate room; Jack pleading with her for mercy…

‘Carter!’ Jack’s brown eyes begging her to kill him…and the feel of the trigger under her finger…

Grief arrowed through her…fire and pain and…she couldn’t breathe with the loss of him…

‘No!’ Sam screamed the word, bolting upright, struggling against the blankets that held her.

‘Sam!’ Jacob was suddenly there in front of her, his hands on her shoulders. ‘Sam.’ He murmured again softly as her eyes stared blankly at him.

‘Daddy?’ Sam crumpled and he wrapped his arms around her, moving to sit on the sofa next to her. He began to rock her gently as she sobbed.

It was though she couldn’t keep anything contained anymore; her grief for Martouf, the day of worrying about her team-mates and the hidden fear that she would lose Jack…

She quieted eventually. Embarrassment crept in; she was a soldier; she wasn’t supposed to make a fuss. She shifted away from her father and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

‘Here.’ Jacob passed her the tissue box.

‘Thank you.’ Sam said politely, avoiding his eyes. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.’

‘You didn’t.’ Jacob allowed her to move away. He picked up the blanket and placed it back around her.

She didn’t protest but rather tugged it closer around her as though she was cold.

‘Would you like me to make you some warm milk?’ Jacob asked, patting her knee.

Sam shook her head. ‘No. I’m OK.’

Jacob pressed his lips together thoughtfully. She almost smiled as she read his hesitation in his eyes.

‘It was just a nightmare.’ Sam said dismissively, trying to reassure him. ‘You know how it is.’ She touched his arm gently. ‘You should go back to bed.’ She’d given him her room while she had taken the sofa; she had an early start planned for the next morning.

‘You know sometimes it helps to talk about it.’ Jacob said, his words tumbling out in a rush.

She stared at him, torn between amusement and something akin to horror. She gave a nervous laugh. ‘Dad?’

‘I know.’ Jacob smiled ruefully. ‘Not my usual style, huh?’ He looked at her determinedly. ‘I got a second chance, Sam. I want to do better this time.’

Sam looked away from him. ‘I’m really OK, Dad.’

‘It was a difficult day for you.’ Jacob surmised.

‘Not as difficult as it was for Teal’c and the Colonel.’ Sam muttered, rubbing her nose. ‘They almost died.’

‘You saved their lives.’ Jacob pointed out, puzzled at the bitter words.

‘I worked on that glider, Dad. I helped rebuild it.’ Sam said forcefully, unconsciously tearing the tissue she held into tiny pieces. ‘I went over the schematics a million times. I should have spotted the recall device.’

Jacob blinked at her. ‘Sam…’

‘It was my fault. I missed it.’ Sam swiped angrily at the tears that sprang back up in her eyes. ‘You were right. We shouldn’t have tried rebuilding the glider. They could have died.’

‘You couldn’t have known.’ Jacob comforted her. ‘This wasn’t your fault.’ He rubbed her shoulder. ‘Don’t even think that.’

Sam took a shaky breath as she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. ‘It’s just…we’ve lost so many people lately. I know it’s a war and we’re going to lose people but I don’t think I could handle losing…’ she stopped abruptly. She couldn’t admit she was scared of losing Jack; not to her father. She doubted his newfound sensitivity would handle her being in love with her CO. And it wasn’t just Jack; she worried about losing Daniel…about losing Teal’c. SG1 was her rock; she didn’t know what she would do without them, without the team.

There was a moment of silence.

‘Wars are tough to go through, Sam.’ Jacob commented sadly. ‘Losing people…it’s part of it.’

‘I know that.’ Sam said. She shrugged. ‘Like you said, it was just a bad day.’ She pulled the blanket tighter. ‘I should get some sleep.’ She hoped her father got the hint and left.

He stood up. ‘Look, why don’t I stick around here for a couple of days?’

‘I’ve got a mission, Dad, remember?’ Sam shook her head. ‘Besides, Mark’s expecting you tomorrow.’

Jacob nodded. ‘OK, kiddo.’ He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. ‘Get some sleep.’

Sam nodded and watched as he disappeared back into the bedroom before she rearranged her position on the sofa. She pulled the blanket up around her shoulders and stared into the dark shadows of her living room. Her mind drifted back to the events of the day.

On the way to the glider in the scout ship Sam had gone over everything in her head; the glider and the rebuild, whether she could have spotted the recall device; whether she could have prevented the incident from ever happening. Then, with nothing to do but think, she had started to fear whether they would make it in time, that Jack and Teal’c wouldn’t make it. She had started to think about all the things she should have said – to both of them but mainly to Jack. All the things she had wanted to say to him but had put off thinking they had time, that they still had the nebulous one day in the future when he wouldn’t be in her chain of command.

Things that had hovered on the tips of her tongue as Sam had held his hand in the infirmary. Thank God her father had come in before she’d made a complete fool of herself. She knew Jack loved her but she knew he considered the mission more important than anything between them. The Colonel had made it clear he was fine with leaving it in the room; fine with putting the professional distance back between them. So Jack hadn’t invoked any distance on the trip home; had let her curl up on his shoulder, had let her take his hand in the infirmary. He’d still been fuzzy from the lack of oxygen; dehydrated.

Sam blinked back more tears. It was for the best that she hadn’t said anything. It had hurt her to lose Martouf and she knew it would be ten times worse to lose Jack. The memory of the alternate universe Samantha Carter drifted across her mind; the grief and sadness in her eyes. The very idea of losing Jack hurt Sam and she wasn’t actually with her Jack. How much worse would it be if she was?

She thought about dressing; thought about riding to the mountain; going to the infirmary and checking on Jack, joining the others. She turned over and closed her eyes tightly.

A professional distance.

That’s what they needed more than ever and that’s what they would get back to as soon as it was possible. She would continue saving him; he would save her – because that’s what SG1 did. It had been a close call but they had made it; that was what was important. They had all made it home. She just had to take a leap of faith that they always would.

fin.